I get depressed anticipating being around my family and then afterwards I get into a big funk reliving the day. I'm thinking this year I am going to skip it altogether. But am wondering if there are others out there who feel as strongly about this as I do and how do you handle it.
Let me add that I do strongly believe in God and think sometimes that is why I hate Christmas so much cause it's so commercial and the ads on t.v. and the Christmas movies make me want to gag.
That is why there is a very high rate of suicide around the Holidays. It is because of all the advertisements that show happy families.
Not all families are function. In fact most families are dysfunctional to some degree. It is the matter of degree that makes the difference between someone wanting to visit their family, and hating to visit them.
Do your parents lay guilt trips on you about visiting. Do they refuse to apologize for their mistakes, do they demand respect while failing to be respectful to you.
If that is the case, you will be justified in choosing not to visit because all the above behaviors are abusive.
Do you have family members that you do enjoy spending time with?
If so, contact them and try to spend time with them.
Do you have friends you enjoy being with. If so, spend time with them.
It takes an independent thinker to admit that Christmas is not all it's cracked up to be in the advertisements and commercials.
So, try not becoming the Scrooge and celebrate Christmas your own way by praying to Jesus. Remember, Christmas is to celebrate Jesus Christ... a lot of people forget about that!
"And this too shall pass" It's a rough time of the year for ALOT of folks, so know you are not alone :)
"And this too shall pass" It's a rough time of the year for ALOT of folks, so know you are not alone :)
The fact is that Christmas has become concept with so many hidden agendas - one such agenda is to drive the economy and another to combat depression during a time when the days are getting shorter and most of them are gray and either rainy or snowy. This is a false concept because after Christmas, the nation's suicide rate soars as people discover that they are in deeper straits than before, having spent money on gifts and revelries instead of paying bills and keeping previous debts under control.
In addition, it is an excuse to party and a way for many people who have zero piety, to "pretend" to be good Christians when they do nothing Christ-like the rest of the year.
When we also realize that Christmas is not really about the birth of Jesus because we can simply do the math and see that he was not born in December. Instead it is a continuation of the celebration of the rebirth of the pagan sun god Ra and re-labeled as something supposedly good for Christians. This association with the rebirth of the sun is the reason that it comes two days after the winter soltace. This was the first day of each year when early astrologers could first notice that the days were finally getting longer again. I have always felt that this association with paganism must surely not make God happy. I mean, how would you feel if all your friends and family told you that they were not going to celebrate your kid's birthday on your child's actual birthday. Rather, they wanted to celebrate your kid's birthday on Adolf Hitler's birthday. How about that? They would reason that you shouldn't mind as long as they were indeed celebrating your child's birthday... right?
No, you are not wrong to hate it! I hate it too. It makes me feel like a hypocrite!
I'm sorry you are struggling with the season. I believe when one person is struggling we all are struggling. I've learned to re-do Christmas. My first step was to stop exchanging gifts with family. At first it made the family gathering more pleasant, and when it went back to stressful, I stopped going to the gatherings. It made me have all kind of self doubt feelings, like guilt, shame and pride, until I realized I was looking at myself through others eyes. Now I exchange a few baked goods with friends and neighbors and buy myself something so I don't feel deprived. I avoid shopping and church, eventhough I'm a Christain. I also plan the day to do something I've been wanting to do, but don't otherwise make the time to do. One year I cooked a wonderful meal just for myself. Another year I read all day. Another I made curtains. You get the idea? When people asked my plans for Christmas, I learned to tell them I would spend it alone, but I was making a special day for me to celebrate. I can actually put on Christmas Carols and enjoy listening, once.
Quite a few years ago I realized the real gift at Christmas is Jesus, Everything else has to flow from that. Personally I am quite happy by myself at Christmas, if the alternative does not bring peace. I give gifts only to those who are very close to me and since I have gotten older that is an e transfer of money. To me the gift giving should be in line with the year around relationship. I want a time of fellowship in the true sense -and I can have that on my own reflecting on God's goodness to me throughout the year.
Follow your heart. More and more as I age, I chose to stay away from stress, strife and conflict, as no one benefits from them. Blessings to you whatever you decide to do.
You watch a Hallmark Movie (and I am one of the millions sitting on the couch with a box of tissues) and no matter what the problem is it is solved in 90 minutes as well as falling in love with the "perfect" person.
You see the commercials of happy families doing joyful things
You every office decorated, every house with lights on it (Electric company loves the holidays!)
All of a sudden the problems you face 24/7-365 seem more burdensome everyone is so wrapped up in "their" thing you (we) seem lost. People stop asking you to the holiday parties because they know you will not be able to join, you can't shop for gifts because there is no one to watch your loved one while you go spend money that would be better spent on a caregiver for a few hours so you can get a doctor's appointment scheduled or get a cup of coffee with a friend. You don't put up a tree because with the advanced dementia your husband thinks the ornaments are candy and tries to eat them (true story, happened to me) and you don't want to use a ladder because if you fall there will be no one to 1)find you or 2) if you hurt yourself who will look after your loved one as well as you needing care.
On top of all this you begin to wonder...is this the last Thanksgiving we will have together, the last Christmas? Is the New Year going to bring another crisis that I have to deal with?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to skip Christmas but I don't think it is Christmas you want to skip it is the hype, the non Christ part of Christmas that you want to skip.
I can not tell from your profile who you care for but you can make the day anything you want it to be.
It might help to talk to someone about the feelings you have after the holiday, reliving the day. Maybe trying to figure out the why might be helpful.
I believe in God and Jesus and his teachings but the holiday is man made and too commercialized.
I cannot say that I’ve hated Christmas, but I have always struggled with being overwhelmed with all the things to do- shopping, difficult family, the commercialization of it. I watched Kirk Cameron’s movie, “Saving Christmas”, and it made me think about my mindset.
Basically, we think Christmas is about doing the things: cooking, shopping, difficult family member, decorations, etc., But Jesus was born and He is our Hope. He said in John 14:6: “I am the Way, and the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except thru Me.” Instead of “trying harder” to crowd your feelings, maybe you can be still and rest in what He has already done for all of us! He’s done all the work already. This year, I’ve decided to celebrate Him- He is Light... so I’ve put our lights up in celebration of Him. If you cook, make your best dish and think of Him. I’ve done this and have completely enjoyed every single day. This has been a mindset change for me, and since I flipped, it has been life changing. Christmas is commercialized but I don’t think businesses even realize why they put up their lights! Let everyone rush around, but you celebrate and rest in Him, Who is truly the Reason for this Season. I hope I don’t sound preachy but I’ve been getting my cart before my horse, and rethinking and celebrating Christmas for Him has totally changed everything. Peace to you this Christmas!!
Even more than Christmas in the Church, I love Advent. It's a time of reflection, of hope, and of longing for the time when the world is made right. And what better time than when crass commercialism, materialism, and forced jollity, the contrast between Hallmark movies and our real relationships, and stress are in our faces 24/7 , than to reflect on the brokenness of this world, its need of a Redeemer, and the incredible hope and grace that are ours. At Christmas we celebrate the first coming of Christ and our salvation, at Advent we look forward to His return in glory to end the heartbreak, pain, and despair that trouble this world and make us finally who we were created to be.
That is all the celebration I do -- I usually make a charitable contribution in everyones name and put some lights on a tree just because it's beautiful. I listen to ancient hymns, and go to Mass. The world can keep the rest.
If I were not a believer I would joyfully and guiltlessly opt out of any of it.
I've never been religious but would do Christmas anyways if I liked it. Don't like the gift thing--who to get what, shopping, getting things I don't need--why? And seeing overfed entitled Americans rush around to buy food for a feast when a day of fasting and appreciation would make more sense.
For years I was living far from and then estranged from my family, which has always been chaotic and unusually messed up. I moved back thinking it would be nice to start having holidays together before everyone dies out only to find I'd still rather be alone than with them! That rock is now turned....
If you internet search "why I hate Christmas" you'll find thousands of comments from people like you, and many of them are funny!
To deflect some of the demonic advertising that is thrown your way, try muting the television when the commercials come on ... I've been doing this for 30-years and it takes the sonic pressure of the latest 'Toyota-thon' et.al. away. It's something. Just look out the window when the TV shoves 'Christmas' down your throats.
As Christmas approaches, the frenzy of others partying and shopping, and UPS trucks roaring in and out of the condo complex is beginning to bug me. Then my husband went Afib a couple nights ago and I am worried sick once again. Waiting to see if his meds kick in and taking longer than usual. The way I feel right now is to rip all my decorations down, wondering why I was fool enough to think I would be able to enjoy the holiday. I have done this before...put them up in a positive frame of mind.....then take them down on or even before Christmas. I feel this, like everything else, is for other people and not me.
I was gracious, always thanked profusely, and then put whatever I got into a closet, never to see daylight again. I was glad when we stopped exchanging presents and I started just buying myself something I wanted.
I love the season and the decorations - but Christmas? Not so much.
I went to OA (Overeaters Anonymous) 30 years ago and this question came up - and a lot of people hate Christmas for various reasons. YOU are not alone.
There has long been a popular myth about Oliver "Warts-And-All" Cromwell - still a handy pantomime villain after more than 350 years - banning Christmas. Well guess what? - HE DID. It's written down in the records of Parliament, he and his Puritan government actually did make it law that Christmas, Easter and Whitsun were not to be celebrated as festivals in church.
What is not true, though, is that he outlawed all Christmas celebrations - you can have all the yule logs and mulled ale and plum pudding you like, just don't do it in church, was the point. The Puritans had nothing against winter jollity, apparently Cromwell himself was quite the little mover on a dance floor; their disapproval was about the connection of such things with Christianity.
But who needs detail when there's good propaganda to enjoy? Tchah! Puritans! Miserable lot. Making it always winter and never Christmas...
It reminds me of a movie we rented a couple of weeks ago. This man was telling a woman friend that he never wanted to have children. He said he thought a lot of people just do it cause it's like a check list. You know, Box A: get married, check Box B: have kids, check.
I think it's the same with a lot of things, including Christmas. Just an example of how we sometimes don't put enough thought into things.
Since my Mom died three years ago I realized the main reason I was going through the motions was for her and she wasn't even crazy about the whole commercialization of the holiday either.
But as I said earlier, to each his/her own.