if you read my past posts I'm sure its evident that caring for my mother has been a chaotic mess. I have done so much work and given up so much of my life for an alcoholic that refuses to get help. Al anon has taught me I cannot control the alcoholic. I can only better myself and save myself. I have chased down so many enablers to get them to stop. I have spent SO MUCH money. I have canceled important events and trips. I have even changed jobs and entire lifestyles to make enough money and have enough time to be available for my mom. I don't even use my college degree anymore.
today mom's primary caregiver walked out on her because of the drinking and screaming. I decided I need to too. I will not swoop in and save the day like I have for years. I called her social worker to let her know that this is it - I have done so much and to no avail. I told mom I will not be coming in to care for her and if she needs care she needs to call the social worker or 911. I have got to stop this endless cycle of picking up the pieces. Because that's all I do. I slap bandaids on every crisis and issue while trying to keep my own life together, and I can see the facade starting to crack.
I wish I could be noble like many of y'all on here fighting the good fight to keep your loved one at home or independent. I wish I could forever. I tried. I tried for 5 years to keep mom safe and sound. 5 years later its still a fight to get through each day. My health is suffering. My fiance is watching me go nearly mad. My job is suffering. I had to start medications to stop suicidal ideations. I am nothing without my health and sanity, so I need to step away and step back. Today I finally did that and I hope for good. If I save the day again, I will be in this exact same spot before I know it.
So, for the first time ever, I am choosing to not save the day. I am choosing myself over my mother. I am choosing my fiance over my mother.
I am sorry if this post is upsetting or offending to anyone who may disagree with me or think of me as selfish. everyone's situation is so different, and there is no good answer for my mom. every path forward is detrimental to somebody somehow. I've thought of every possible option, and I've exhausted local resources.
I don't know if i'll come back on this site but I want to say thank you to everyone who has given me advice and talked me out of really low points.
Best of luck to you and your fiance moving forward and taking your lives back.
Your mother will NEVER get the help she so desperately needs if you or anyone else keeps swooping in to save her(yes that's called enabling).
So again, good for you for FINALLY putting yourself and your fiancé first.
We can't save anyone but ourselves and I'm glad that you're taking the steps to finally save yourself.
I wish you the very best on this new journey of self care.
God bless you.
I wish you the very best that life has to offer, you deserve it!
So many are unable to be strong and brave and walk away like you are doing.
The result is years and years of misery and suffering for them. I hope this post gives someone else the courage to do the same.
Sometimes stepping away is the correct and loving move.