I’m just completely overwhelmed trying to keep everyone happy all while watching my mom waste away more each day. I came very close to moving them out but just can't bring myself to do that to my mom. I know she only has months at the most left. But still seeing no end in sight. The guilt, trying to be a good mom to my kids (10, 12) and a good wife, all while working FT. My dad is an ungrateful a**hole whom I can barely look at so I have to literally hide in my own home to avoid him :( I'm so tired and regret having them move in as it has forever changed my relationship with my dad and he will be asked to move after my mom passes. Again - the guilt :( so burnt out. So trapped inside because of Covid worries/precautions. So sad and tired, high blood pressure and pre-diabetes now from completely neglecting myself for years. Sometimes I wonder if modern medicine and longer life expectancies are a gift or curse we’ve put upon ourselves :( I myself have already told my kids that they are under no circumstances allowed to let me or my husband live with them when we are aging. I’ll even put it in writing in case I forget thru dementia later on in life. At least this rant helped me to stop crying for the night. Hugs to all trying to make it thru caregiving. People who don't do it have no idea what its like!
YOU-- need some time to recuperate... go eat out somewhere-- safe. GET exercise-- walk in the closest State Parks-- and all-- Trees and total quiet. Bring a dog. Talk to God when you are there-- just you and the breeze. He will be listening. Caregiving is hell. Watching someone get ready for heaven is not inspiring... to say the least. Grieving sometimes precedes the loved one's death.
Talk to Preacher's wife. if you don't have one-- borrow one. This is Your Story, too.
If I could just give you a hug, I certainly would. That's not really possible as technology ain't all that yet.
I will pray for you and am doing so as I type this. May God hold you sweetly and give you His peace, which is the best. His word gives light and hope.
I don't know if you listen to music, but there are 3 CDs (or download) by a group called Scripture Lullabies, album name Hidden in My Heart. This music is so beautiful, all 41 songs and so uplifting and gentle, so well done, I promise it will bring soothing peace to your soul and diminish stress. I'm going through a lot myself but am blessed with peace and means to cope.
Bless you so much, Duane
Please let us know how you are doing. I have thought about you all day.
Oh, your days are so long. And probably your nights are too short. God bless you
we need to look after ourselves ! I am beginning to think I have to give up even though it feels awful. I feel like I’m letting her down. She even said to me “I can’t believe my own daughter is turning against me” :( I’m not,.. I’m trying to help :(
#1 You shouldn't have been lifting your mother. I assume you have neither training nor equipment.
#2 Whose judgement counts in assessing whether YOU need help to lift her or not? - hers or yours?
#3 How was she planning to stop you, given that she was flat on the floor and you were the one on your feet and with access to the phone?
#4 If she'd been forced to get up off the floor in order to wrest the phone from your hand, you'd still have had a good outcome there, no?
I am being light-hearted about it, but I am so far from trivialising the pressure people feel. You couldn't begin to guess how completely unamusing I find it.
If you want comfort on how to care for mom in a spiritual way go to jw.org and there you will find a host of information free of charge on things you can do to help you and the family get through this difficult time. My thoughts are with you and may you be safe and take care of you...
Hang in there. You have my support all the way,
Lydia
Take good care of yourself, Everything passes
Would you be able to get some care come into the house to assist you so that you can have at least a few hours each day or a number of times a week when you can do what you want, and give what you want to to your children.
If you are at a point where hospice is an option then that would sound like something to look into - they are used to dealing with difficult relatives as well as patients and won't take nonsense from your father. For your own sanity and for fairness to your young family you need some time when you are not "on call", have a look and see what options are available to you.
Having children is hard enough and to have parents also is a great burden. I feel for you.
I agree with all who wrote here- get hospice and senior services help. This should not be just you doing it all.
Your relationship with your father I grieve with you. For your father to be ungrateful is either his self centeredness or denial ( i have seen that in my mother) or his own aging issues. This is your home and never feel guilty for telling him that he must leave. There are senior services to help him set up a place. Thanks for sharing and I hope the posts here have helped.