I suffer from some pretty severe mental illnesses as well as having a debilitating autoimmune disease. I was barely making it through a day at the beginning of this and it's worse now, even though we have home aids that come. My heart is really struggling right now, I try to keep in mind his dementia, but running out of the room to cry by myself isn't working like I thought it would. I'm scared for both of us. I don't know what to do.
Is there a slight possibility that Assisted Living would be an option for the both of you? You would be together and you would both have the help you need to care for each other. And as he declines a move to Memory Care would not be such a problem as most places that have Assisted Living also have Memory Care so you would both be in the same building.
Your other option would be to not have him return home.
Do you have a therapist that you talk to? Is this something that you would discuss?
Also if he is screaming at you would he ever get to the point where he might become violent? If so you have to protect yourself. (and do not say, oh he would never do that....with dementia you never know what a person can or will do. some forms of dementia can make a person more prone to violent behavior)
It is exhausting to be that stressed out about everything. During the height of my caregiving days, my heart would beat so fast. It was a horrible feeling when my heart would race.
When daily activity is the same, day in and day out, it becomes such a grind. Our nerves become so frayed that just about anything will set them off. Is this how you feel? This happens when a person is experiencing extreme stress.
You are going to have to find some relief, some form of respite. I hope your situation will improve soon. Human beings cannot be expected to function like a machine does.
Keep us updated on your situation. We care.
And that's definitely not a criticism; I've been there myself, and had to learn how to force myself not to respond until I could do so rationally. I've read of various suggestions, including counting to 10, or 20, or as high as you need to go before you're calm. Rechanneling your anger into something more positive, such as beautiful flowers, or a stunning sunrise or sunset, and just focusing on that helps redirect thoughts as well.
ALZHEIMER'S POEM
Do not ask me to remember
Do not try to make me understand.
Let me rest and know you're with me.
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I'm confused beyond your concept.
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you to be with me at all cost.
Do not lost your patience with me.
Do not scold or curse my cry.
I can't help the way I'm acting,
Can't be different though I try.
Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone.
Please don't fail to stand beside me,
Love me 'til my life is done.
You are going to have to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Seek the help of a therapist or others who have done this to give you guidance
I feel your pain and I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life. As stated by many, many posters, “You do NOT have to do the ‘hands on’ care yourself!” Please research facilities nearby to place your loved one. You will feel the weight of the world lifting off of your shoulders!
More help at home may be a good thing but I just don't know if it's enough. Assisted living might be a better option, even though it may not seem that way at some levels.
You both need to be better taken care of.
Good luck.