Dad is 83 and mom is 81. Mom suffers from dementia (as did her father), and dad can’t see anything, can’t hear anything, can’t remember anything, and can’t find anything.
What preventive measures can I take NOW to prevent those things from happening to me when I reach their age (I’m 57 years young?)
On a side note… my wife is 17+ years younger than me and I promised to be there for her last breath (should of thought that one out?) She’s watching my parents decline (my sister and I share their in home care), and I don’t want to be like them at their age with my wife only 65+/-, you know? I have to start proactive measures right now. Thanks. Timothy
I couldn't help but think, perhaps, your wife who is 17 years younger should promise you that the she will be there for "your" last breathe. There was no mention of that. Since chances are you will go first.
I'm sorry I have that Irish sense of humor and couldn't resist.
I hope you have a lot of $$$. Seeing that your name is happy I didn't think you would mind.
There are no guarantees in life. If you feel uneasy about your future if you have the money buy long term insurance. At one time it was a good deal. Now there are so many loopholes that the premiums are usually not locked in and they increase over time.
Everyone's number one fear is, I don't want to die alone. When you say your wife is watching your parents decline is there something that you have noticed that makes you concerned.
Not everyone is cut out for caregiving. This is called life and depending upon what your beliefs are, "through sickness and in health". Depends on which rules you are playing by.
You and your sister sound like really nice people. These May/December marriages are tricky. You sound like you are not sure if you will taken care of.
No one knows. Don't be afraid. Life is not a pat hand. God always sends people.
Do you belong to a Church. Do you have good medical, disability insurance, life insurance, etc. These things are important. Perhaps, as my brother would say, have a Come To Jesus meeting with your wife and get a portfolio and put everything in it.
Regular exercise - working with a trainer at a gym is a great way to get started.
Mental and intellectual stimulation daily - word games and puzzles
Learn a new language
The Transcendental Meditation® technique. tm.org
My diet is whole foods only and very healthy.
My parents were in their 90's and Dad wanted to sell the house [too much maintenance for him at that age] and move to senior living. My Mom said no, nada, never. She even refused to have caregivers in the house, but Dad wanted them. I tried, but Mom was a hornet and shoo the caregiver out. One caregiver told me my parents were in a bitter verbal dispute with each other constantly over having caregivers. If only they were on the same page.
I am dealing with something similar with my sig-other, who is the same age as I am. He wants to age in place, and have his grand-daughters help him when he gets much older. I am so against that, as I do not want to disrupt his grand-daughters college education, future careers and future home life. Guess he didn't learn anything when he and I both were trying to care for my parents. I was a basket case as my parents still viewed me as someone in their 20's or 30's with a lot of energy, instead of me being a senior citizen myself.
I am 85 and on very few meds. I work on what I have mentioned above. it is not fool proof but I strongly believe it helps. I do have CFS/FM but still do more than many my age. My family is very long lived so I work to keep as good a quality of life as I can. If you are going to be alive you want to be able to have a life.
of course you know the usual things:
-enjoy your life
-have fun
just kidding…
i mean, we all know the usual things:
1. eat healthily
2. exercise
3. get your papers in order (POA, will…). leave as little mess/chaos for other people.
also:
4. be surrounded by kind people (mean people will wear down your health). WHAT you eat, and WHO your friends are, is just as important. eliminate unfriendly people from your life.
5. be a kind person yourself
6. live a life you’re PROUD of (then, later, even if bad things happen, or bad health, you can look back with pride).
bundle of joy
(wearing my xmas reindeer antlers as i type)
HisBestFriend
(wearing my fuzzy slippers with Santa on them as I type!)
Pretty sure wife understands you're 17+ years older then her and a promise like that would have been made out of the emotional viewpoint of love.
I married a man 10 years younger but I once read that on average men die 10 years younger than their spouses. So I now tell my husband I robbed the cradle so that I didn't have to spend my last decade alone ;)
In the meantime I know this is a lot for someone to absorb. Moments like is is when we really start facing our own mortality. But as my mom and aunts/uncles say, old age isn't for sissies, and no one gets out alive.
Tell your wife that you do not want her to care for you.
That if it comes to the point where you need care that you will move to AL or MC what ever is appropriate for the level of care that you need.
If you can afford it look into Long Term Care Insurance.
At some point look into Community Living for both you and your wife. As long as there is a Continuum of care available it would make any transition easier for both of you. You can enjoy retirement, not have the upkeep of a house, eliminate many bills that come with homeownership. And know that if either of you need care it will be there.
AND one thing to do now is...if you taking care of your parents is taking time away from your time with your wife and family then maybe it is time to move your parents to AL or MC.
And one last word, I have this hanging by my computer this is a partial quote...
I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with you. And then I realised...you spent the rest of your life with me.
Never make promises that you may not be able to fulfill and never make anyone promise you something that they may not be able to fulfill.
You never know what the future holds.
What you can do is tell each other that you will care for each other as best as you can as long as you can safely to do so.