My relationship with my father has always been strained. He has always chose to do things "his way" no matter the detriment to others. He has pushed everyone who loves him away. His brand new house has turned into a hoard in a years time and he has spent his life savings in the process. His house is infested and he is refusing medical treatment. He is at the point that he can hardly walk, and is hardly eating. He has horrible people in and out of his house and I am not certain all of the activity that takes place there. He had a home invasion a few weeks ago by a local gang member. He never tells me anything and I found out second hand. The house is beyond me trying to clean it on my own. I found a service to come in, help clean and fumigate. He told me he found a service of his own, and then spent the money on more junk for his house. He has a few people living with him, even a guy living in a van in his backyard and another one in his driveway. I am falling apart trying to help by buying groceries or bringing food. He only calls me when he needs a ride, money or cigarettes. I am considering calling Adult Protective Services because I feel hopeless. My father has a living trust, however I am only able to make health decisions at the point he is basically on life support. He is frail, skin and bones and withering away. I tried to call an ambulance yesterday and it ended up me walking out. I feel lost. It's taking it's toll on me and my mental health. I attended my first Nar-Anon meeting last night as a way to try to cope, but I still feel helpless and hopeless.
Keep with a therapist they will help you help yourself. I know it has helped us. My pastor told me to tell him I love him but I can't be in your life so I distance myself from him. My well being is more important than dealing with the stress of him. Remember stress kills you don't need this stress in your life. Remember the good times with your father. Do a wealth fare check on him if you have it with your police dept. We have had to do this too. Since my brother is a veteran they say to call the ambulance but what they don't tell you is they can refuse it unless they are saying they will harm themselves.
Prayers for peace for you.
Different situation but similar in a way.. A man with severe mental illness (not sure if substances were included, drink I think) seemed quite happy with his life, despite living on the street. He had his hobbies, his favorites places, his regular people he spoke to, was well known & liked by many. He was also unkempt, unbathed, dirty.
The tragic part was the wife & children who'd had to let him go. At some stage (once the kids had grown) they all tried to find him, clean him up, get him off the streets. He only just remembered his life as a father & husband. His life was in the here & now. It was enough for him.
Eventually the kids said goodbye again & left him to his life.
I read a beautiful quote about it being ok to move forward for your own growth when needed, even if it meant leaving someone behind sometimes. I'll try to find it.
You can't live Dads life. Do what you want to do but realize thats all he is going to allow u to do. You need to get yourself ready for the inevitable an know, none of this is your fault.
Addicts are suffering and are only able to care about their next fix. They are in such a dark place that they can’t see beyond their own pain. They will hurt anyone in their path. Please walk away. Take care of yourself. Allow others to care for him.
Addiction is a horrible disease. Some are fortunate enough to go into recovery. Others like my brother could never beat his demons. I pray for all who are struggling with any kind of substance abuse. I pray for families of addicts.
I have enormous compassion for addicts. but I had to learn that I didn’t have the power to change my brother. He died with HepC shortly before turning 70. I have equal compassion for families of addicts.
Please attend Al-Anon. I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I have walked in your shoes and I wouldn’t wish this suffering on anyone. It’s not just the addict who suffers. It’a also the entire family.
I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this difficult time in your life. Take care and many hugs.
There's a reason everyone else has left him. Focus on the good things in your life and, sadly, your father isn't among them. My brother gave me one of the best pieces of advice ever: you don't set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
You need to go to meetings and find out that you can't change your Dad no matter what, only your Dad has to "want" to change. All you can change is yourself and your reactions to your Dad. I think you need to emotionally separate yourself from him and in order to do that you need help.
I wish I had a flowery answer for you but I don't. I lived it and I resented anyone who tried to change me during those dark years. I finally said to myself that I didn't want to live that way anymore so I sought out help. I'm over 35 years sober now but only because I wanted to become sober.
I feel your pain, I really do.
I wish you the best!
Jenna