My relationship with my father has always been strained. He has always chose to do things "his way" no matter the detriment to others. He has pushed everyone who loves him away. His brand new house has turned into a hoard in a years time and he has spent his life savings in the process. His house is infested and he is refusing medical treatment. He is at the point that he can hardly walk, and is hardly eating. He has horrible people in and out of his house and I am not certain all of the activity that takes place there. He had a home invasion a few weeks ago by a local gang member. He never tells me anything and I found out second hand. The house is beyond me trying to clean it on my own. I found a service to come in, help clean and fumigate. He told me he found a service of his own, and then spent the money on more junk for his house. He has a few people living with him, even a guy living in a van in his backyard and another one in his driveway. I am falling apart trying to help by buying groceries or bringing food. He only calls me when he needs a ride, money or cigarettes. I am considering calling Adult Protective Services because I feel hopeless. My father has a living trust, however I am only able to make health decisions at the point he is basically on life support. He is frail, skin and bones and withering away. I tried to call an ambulance yesterday and it ended up me walking out. I feel lost. It's taking it's toll on me and my mental health. I attended my first Nar-Anon meeting last night as a way to try to cope, but I still feel helpless and hopeless.
His problems are what he made. Do not take ownership. He is illogical.
We want better with our whole heart but they throw that to the trash.
Get yourself all the help you need for you. look to free your feelings -you have nothing to feel you need to be responsible for- it is the evil of the addiction. He traded drugs and the consequences for them.
It is hard hard to see someone self destruct. I hope you can find beautiful places as a respite, and loving friends to grieve with you
Call APS and let them see the interior of home and talk to him. It's very possible he will pass their interview as well. Living in a dirty home is not enough to remove him from the home. Home owners association can come down on him if the hoard is outdoors. Police can be notified of illegal activity. Other than that, he may continue to live as he always has, by his own terms...sad as it is.
Instead of taking groceries can you set up an account and have the groceries delivered to him so you can step back.
Continue to attend Nar-Anon and take care of yourself - you are doing the best you can in a terrible situation.
I pray you find your center again and lead a healthy life and lend whatever support you can within reason to your father.
My prayers are with you. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!