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My MIL is in LTC in a facility close to us. We have been hosting Thanksgiving dinner for all family members locally. Before we have dinner, the gathered guests go over to celebrate with my MIL. We bring food and goodies to her, and take a group picture. In the past when we brought her home she didn't do well. It's much better to bring the holiday to her. We also take that opportunity to decorate her room for Christmas.

You will figure out what works best for you husband. I hope you have a peaceful holiday together.
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Reply to Geaton777
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CaringinVA Oct 11, 2024
What a lovely and festive way to include your MIL! I really like the idea of all those who are there to visit decorating her room for Christmas❤️ That is truly taking the holiday to her, she is the focus as well, and voila! Her room is festive and bright. Thanks for sharing, Geaton.
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No. Memory Care patients need consistent routine. Visit him at the facility and celebrate with him there.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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I wouldn’t. Celebrate earlier at memory care
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Reply to lkdrymom
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No, you bring thanksgiving dinner to him at his facility. And even if it's not on the actual day, as he will never know, it will be nice for some of the family to celebrate with him where he is at.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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I wouldn't. Changes in a ALZ routine could upset them. When my daddy was in a facility - I would just bring him something he wanted. It wasn't turkey, cuz he didn't want that, but I brought him what he was craving. My daddy didn't know when it was thanksgiving, his birthday or fathers day - keep the day simple and in his same routine. Blessings
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Reply to Ohwow323
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I am sorry about your dilemma. How about bringing Thanksgiving to your husband. Bring some relatives and be part of the facilities Thanksgiving celebration. Maybe you can have a private dinner with your husband.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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cover9339 Oct 11, 2024
Thankfully that's one thing the facility did not do, celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas.
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Personally, I wouldn't because of my husband's volatile nature with this disease. Prior to placement, he no longer enjoyed family gatherings. Everything agitated him. The chatter. The laughter. The music. The platters of food. He kept mumbling over and over "this isn't right." My brother even commented that he's never seen hubby so "frantic." We ended up leaving early because he started to become inconsolable. When hubby saw the 24 pairs of shoes by the door, he got very angry screaming that he couldn't find his shoes and jacket--where are my shoes? how am I going to find my jacket in this mess?--in spite of the fact that I was holding them right in front of him. I couldn't get him to look at the bundle in my hands. So sad. Then during our very last Christmas gathering, he wouldn't let me take our presents because he claimed they weren't ours and badgered me all the way home about it...heavy heavy sigh...those were very dark days.

Our rational mind and heart would think that it's a good idea to have him with family to enjoy the festivities during the holidays. But we don't have a crystal ball into a PWD's mind and know how it's processing the outside world.

As AlvaDeer said, you know your husband best. Use your good judgment. I don't know why you needed to ask the question, but I have an inkling that you may know the answer already. Whatever you decide, hope it's a good outcome.
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Reply to SOS369
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Maloneym2 Oct 11, 2024
Thank you for your insight. My husband is still in the mid stage of the disease. I have taken him out a couple of times without a problem. Probably going to try going to a not too fancy restaurant for Thanksgiving Day lunch with maybe a couple of relatives. 🙏
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I think it would be less disruptive to him and less stressful for you, if you bring a plate to him. Let him enjoy the food you have always prepared without the confusion of leaving his new surroundings. His world is getting smaller and smaller because that is all he can handle.

Is it hard to get him in and out of the car? Is he incontinent? Is he a flight risk? Is he going to get upset when you have to take him back? For those reasons...
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Reply to Jamesj
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Easy, do like many people do when it comes to holidays, treat as just another day.

No stress and definitely no mess
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Reply to cover9339
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SickOfItAll Oct 13, 2024
agree. from experience, people who don't anymore know what day of the week it is, or what year it is, also don’t realize they’re missing a holiday. the energy spent trying to “maintain normalcy” by celebrating special occasions is for who? better to skip the stress and the mess.
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Leave your husband at the facility and celebrate Thanksgiving there.
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Reply to Patathome01
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