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You are caring for someone, living at independent living? Is this person the MIL you are asking the forum to offer solution?
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She has no desire to get out of the house .... what sort of help is available from the management of the assisted living. ? Your saying she doesn't want to leave the AL ?
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taking opiates. opiate addiction is rampant.. where is she getting opiates. Are they a factor in her behavior ?
she has some kind of illness....

Are you taking advantage of going to a support group?
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Write her a letter outlining your feelings and concerns. Do not assign "blame" for her conditions. Then tell her you are no longer going to help her. She has a husband, so let the two of them work things out. If SHE chooses to stay in an abusive relationship, then that is her choice. Get out of her life for now, stay focused on YOUR marriage, and let the chips fall where they may. She will die with or without your intervention. The two of you need to stay healthy for your lives.
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FirePretty: Yes, I know all about school-girl giggle act! Late mom was the same! Don't play into her "every beck and call." Only 75? Good grief! What she is doing with "her cocktail of meds" is going to mess up her organs!
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This is why I'm glad my MIL lived 2 days away. Ur MILs husband is responsible for her. You r just banging ur head against the wall. If she can cruise, she can do for herself. I would do what u want even if it means moving. Ur husband has done what he can. My SIL just did this, gave everything over to her sister who went behind her back and got POAs for her Mom.
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FirePretty, ferris1 is right on the money. You need to get out of their lives for your own sanity. She isn't "sane", therefore you will never get her to act "sane". It almost sounds like he is still trying to get her love. It won't happen. If his siblings believe her, they will believe her. He is in an abusive relationship. He needs counseling himself so he understands why he keeps going back for more abuse. I would say, both of you could use some counseling to see why he keeps going back for more abuse. Your marriage is struggling, get some help.
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The only thing I see missing is some degree of acceptance that she is how she is and you can't expect to change her. The plan to end around her with the siblings is a good one, and you really did not even have to tell her that was in the works. Deal with what is, set limits, expect to be treated badly, and do not expect her to ever admit any faults or wrongdoing. She's basically right she can't handle hard subjects, most especially the subject of her own behavior. Give (or arrange for her to have) her what care you can - that she actually needs. as best you can determine - and don't bother recriminating with her about it. No use hitting your head on the wall.
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Yet some of us managed to read it just fine. We didn't need to have it broken down for us.
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FirePretty, It is great to see so many helpful suggestions on this site. So the only thing I have to add is, and I know it is difficult to be bad mouthed to family after all your efforts, but try to keep in mind, they, I am sure, all know what she is like and why they keep their distance both figuratively and literally.
If your in laws were able to be such vacationers, might they be in a position to pay for assisted living? No doubt they are completely against it, but if you cut back on solving their problems they will have to meet themselves and make some real decisions. It is a hair ripper though, my husband is very manipulative, threatening to call elder abuse whenever he is thwarted - wanting car keys when he uses a walker, etc. I lately offer to call for him which shuts that topic down. I hate reminding him that I am his last bastion before a nursing home; It is so tricky dealing with personality disordered people who are weakening with age. Maybe give your MIL a phone number of a handy man to call when she needs things done, or the number of her "real" son; (roar! my blood is beginning to boil.) Then step back and wait for the storm to pass. Easier said than done, I know.
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JesseBelle: I'm with you there! Read it just fine!
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UncleDave: Hello?? What did you think it was necessary to repost the OP's message? I hope you at least copied and pasted. Good grief.
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