Yep ANOTHER day where I get to sit here and listen to my mother rock in her squeaky rocking chair all day while do nothing siblings get to go on with their merry care free lives. I KNOW I'll never REALLY get over the resentment I have for certain siblings, but how do you get past the Anger ??
1. Are the siblings' attitudes and behaviors going to change? Unlikely.
2. What do you do in other situations that are unchangeable? Find alternate solutions, or accept that the situation won't change. Are there any other options? Some kind of compromise with the siblings? It doesn't seem so in your case.
3. What alternate solutions can you find (read Maggie's last answer)?
4. Mincemeat's right in that a high percentage of posts here are similar to yours. Some are too deeply enmeshed to see alternate solutions and are literally floundering, others may be able to see there are help options, such as Maggie or as GolfLady sharing in stating that she severed communications.
I'm not pleased with my situation either but focusing on it and becoming angrier only makes me more upset and resentful. I try to focus on the fact that I'm sharing the last years of life with my parent, years and closeness that my sibling will never experience.
If I can rise above that level, I can remember that I'm also helping him through probably the most difficult time of his life, and if necessary will have to make the necessary decisions when that life is nearly over to prevent any further suffering. That may be the best thing I could do for him. And as it stands now, only I will be in a position to provide that assistance. That's something my sibling will never experience.
In the meantime, I would still document contact with siblings because after it's all over, they may come out of the woodwork with their hands out and pocketbooks open for the largesse they may expect.
Look into local a Senior Daycare. We paid $60 for 7:30 am to 6 pm. And paid $60 for a cab to take her both ways, door to door in her wheelchair. Included a hot lunch. That was a Godsend. About $500 a month.
Call your local Council on Aging. Mom got a $700 annual stipend for respite. Your mom may be entitled to much more. There are programs on the local or county level that can help.
Throw away her rocking chair. ;)
My brothers don't help with my mother, but I don't usually resent them. It was just the way things worked out in our lives. Mostly, I think, because I am the only daughter who had the misfortune of getting divorced. :( Not my brothers' fault.
Really, I think the "FREE" siblings do not realize how lucky they have it. Personally I think I have caught a couple of mine off guard when they say something like...your kids got to know their grandparents....and I reply by saying...."Well you have had complete freedom for the last 25 years".
The only advice I can give you, and it may fall outside of your comfort zone, is to communicate how you feel. If they don't listen, say it again, and face to face. I look at it this way. In many ways we are already the "bad guy" because we are now parenting our parent. Making a few siblings squirm only adds one more layer of "bad guy"! Sometimes we follow our parents example and lose our "filter"! You might start with asking for help and evolve into telling if necessary. This is not easy!
Getting rid of anger? Don't know....but try to find something for yourself, a walk to the park, a trip to the library, something that is a treat to yourself. Just because we are held captive in caregiving, we do not need to decline with them.
If your mom lives with you, she's getting a Social Security check that can pay for twice-weekly respite care for you, easily. If you're living with mom and her SS is paying the bills, you can pay for respite care yourself with what you're saving in rent, food, etc, etc.
Yeah, I know I'm being rough. But sometimes we need a whack on the side of the head.