How do I go about finding an affordable housing unit for my mom when she is getting less than $1,700.00 per month income? My father died 3 yrs ago making mom a widow after being with him for 50 yrs. They sold everything they owned to travel and volunteer throughout the country during their retirement. He died suddenly and she wanted to continue what they were doing for as long as possible then live in their RV for the remainder of her life. They had purchased a larger RV just 2 mos before his death. It is too big for her. She had a buyer less than 200 miles from home and after driving it 800 miles back, she felt comfortable enough to just purchase liability insurance to deliver the RV. Unfortunately, when in a downpour, she hydroplaned and rolled her home losing her means of getting around and everything she had. It ended up being the biggest mistake she will ever make in her life. She has struggled being alone, figuring out how and where to begin starting a new life. I've watched as she's tried moving to 4 separate cities, none she can seem to settle in. She is now so limited in income and resources she finally gave in and moved to the city where her sister is. I'm upset with my aunt for talking her in to being close. She is prone to falling due to a spinal cord injury she has suffered with for the past 17 years. As long as my dad was alive he helped her and gave her a sense of self determination. I've watched her begin to dissolve to a shell of a person. The high functioning, confident, beautiful women who was very proud of all she had become, especially walking again after her accident, turned in to a bent over, crippled frightened, recluse who sometimes doesn't leave the little room she moved into. She did not do much background check before moving to this new place. I'm just now finding out she had been in such a hurry to find something she could afford, she wasn't aware the room is in a home of a very violently abusive couple where, she has since learned, the man was recently released from 3 years in prison for the beating and strangulation of the same women. She hasn't been physically harmed, but lives in fear. If one kills the other, she fears she too will become a victim. Her 2 little dog's shake and are continuously in fear. She says she’s ok, but I know there are week long stretches she doesn't leave her little room. I've tried to get her to come with me, but she won’t be the responsibility of anyone. I think she's waiting to die. She's only 67, and I've seen her go from a quick little go getter, who insists on doing things for herself to only accepting help when jobs are larger than her little 4"11" frame can handle. She's not active at all, no movement in her tiny room. Within 5 months she has become a bent over cripple, barely able to walk, unwilling (or unable) to have a conversation. She worries constantly about her beloved little companions, the 2 little dogs. She's in immense pain, says she is eating, but has nothing delivered nor goes to the store. She asked me to take her a hamburger once for her pups. She's getting to a point of not allowing me to see her anymore. She has me put things outside her door. She desperately looks for a rental, but the cost of rent and the lengths of waiting lists to get into affordable housing is long. I think she's giving up and I don't know what to do.
If she gets to the ER make sure you let them know she is an "unsafe discharge" and that you are not her caregiver and cannot be. Make sure to show them the pics of her room and tell them about her creepy landlord that makes her too frightened to leave her room. Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker about the possiblity of transitioning her to an AL or other facility. If they don't find anything wrong with your Mom's health then you can privately discuss with the on-call doc that she seems severely depressed. This may allow them to order an appointment with a different doctor after discharge, hopefully a primary care doctor. There's always the chance that they will allow her to check herself out, but you aren't obligated to take her back to her current place.
It seems you've already explored Section 8 housing. I wish I had a better answer for you but as others have suggested, contact her local Area Agency on Aging, or her county's social services, who can do an assessment to see if she qualifies for services. When they see how she's living they may call in APS themselves. If you are not your Mom's PoA (and she doesn't have one) then if she gets on APS's radar she will probably eventually be assigned a third-party legal guardian by the courts. In my family's personal experience this was a solution that worked for my SFIL, his wife and all of us who had no other options.
I wish you success in getting her safer, more appropriate care.
A grief support group would be helpful as well. Grief Share is a group that meets all over this country usually in local churches, so have her look in to that.
And perhaps she would do better in an assisted living facility although she would be one of the younger ones there, but at least she would be around others and be safe. Plus she would be fed 3 meals a day and have different activities to attend if she wanted to.
And since money is an issue she'll have to apply for Medicaid.
You say that she's now living in the same city as her sister, so can they not go in together and get a place? That would save them both money in the long run.
It's heartbreaking to me and I know you too that someone so young would be giving up on life. I pray that your mother will get the help she so desperately needs.
Yes, as someone here says - your mother should be hospitalized.
Call your City Hall and speak to someone in the Senior Services Dept.
Call Medicaid, Medical.
Hire a medical social worker to assist you to help her.
Yes, the wait lists are often either years long or closed.
Unfortunately, elders who think they know what they are doing - don't and end up in adverse situations and/or losing their opportunities.
At this point, while I understand her dogs are vitally important to her, I question if she should have pets considering her decision making abilities, and the dire circumstances she is in.
With depression, overwhelm, cognitive dysfunction, how is she going to actually care for her pets?
If she isn't getting food for herself, how will she get food for her dogs?
Your statement 'she has me put things outside her door.' No, she isn't. You are doing this. You need to take more control - if / as you can. If she doesn't allow you to really 'help' / support her, there is little you can do. This is the price one pays when elders (family/parents) do not make plans ahead, when there are no legal documents in place so a family member/adult child can intervene.
It is a very unfortunate situation which likely happens to millions of elders.
If I were you, I would stop spinning my wheels and have APS intervene.
At least, that is a good start.
Gena / Touch Matters
There are many, many programs available for your Mom. She will need your help to apply and have the strength to ask the questions and follow through. In my state, there are senior living facilities that are based on income and other programs that deal with medical costs. As for food, there are many food programs. It may not be the healthiest of all food, however, some of the programs allow you to pick and choose what you want. Talk to the churches. Some of them have weekly food distribution.
With her spare time, see if she can volunteer, maybe at the food bank. That way, she can "work" for food and keep her mind off of how miserable she feels.
What she is going through is mind boggling. However, I think she needs your help "getting the train back on the track". These are tough times. Good luck to you and her.