How to handle downright mean?

Glad to hear you were able to ride out the ups and downs, Dusti. Hmm, disappointing that he is so combative and childish. To be totally frank, Dusti, it is your life and your house, remember that!

Keep us posted!

I will be blunt too coming from a similar situation. You need to cowgirl up and say NO. Be loud and annoying with any doctor who will listen. If he never acted like this before what all happened to him then something is VERY WRONG. Ask for an MRI. Ask if it could be depression. Ask them to evaluate his medications. GET A FULL MENTAL HEALTH EVAL and express that you are so concerned about his behavior that you are locking up unloaded guns etc. This isn't a honey, though he might have the same outward shell, this is a monster. YES everyone gets cranky and afraid or turns into complete babies over anything medical and yes everyone hollars. And yes everyone has outbursts. But seems you are his kicking dog. I second the either changing the locks or leaving. A few outbursts followed by a talk that is calm explaining the outburst (I am scared, I am angry at old age, I'm SORRY etc.) that is normal. Nothing that a good hug, hand hold and cry can't get a couple through. But this man is just waiting for you to show up to KICK you. Find out if he is doing this to others at the hosp or rehab, or is it just you. This is sounding like dementia or severe depression if not both.

AgingCare Post 061718

Hi Snoopy and Cherrysoda… thanks for responding. (smile)

Snoopy...I agree it is disappointing. He is not as bad as he was, but I have a feeling that it will all come to a head if he keeps it up and I end up putting the doormat in front of him and telling him to mistreat it as he is not going to throw his temper tantrums with me or mistreat me. Think he got the message yesterday when he told me I did not know what I was doing as far as doing his meds, IV, etc. I quietly informed him that the RN has stated I do as well as the fact I have taken care of his meds for 13 years (during her visit today the RN told him the same thing) and he needs to cool it or he will be doing his own meds and caregiving. He backed off and then shut up and when I was done with his meds, I headed back to my study where I stayed all evening working on things that I needed and wanted to get done.

I don't have the time or the patience anymore to put up with his nonsense. I would never mistreat him either physically or emotionally as I love him, and as he finding out I will no longer tollerate verbal mistreatment or bad behavior from him. As you said, it is my life and my home.

Cherrysoda...I got my big girl panties on while he was in the hospital and at rehab. Rehab had a psych eval done at my request (hospital wouldn't) though I don't know how thorough it was as I have not heard the results as yet (just done Thurs so I don't think they have gotten the results). I refuse to be his kicking post any more. He has only apologized to me once in all the tirades that have happened. He is home now (has been since the 14th) and I am refusing to allow him to take the same path he did prior to going into the hospital May 12th. I do know it is just me that his attitude was directed toward as he was sweet as pie to everyone except for one nurse and she requested a transfer to another hallway. I have made it very clear that if he goes down the same path or gets physically violent with me he will be finding a new home as he will not be here...period. I nor my pups will live with the yelling, screaming or verbal abuse that was directed toward me before.

Yep, I do have all weapons and ammo locked up in the gun safe (never had one before now). I have it close and have the only access to it. My weapon stays loaded in case I need it to protect us against break in, but all the others are unloaded. I feel safe since they are locked up but my radar is still as high alert. I believe alot of his problem is fear and depression. Plus he has developed a problem with any kind of authority and groups me in with those (nurses and doctors) who he felt controlled his lifestyle and behavior. He forgets that for the last 13 years I have been his protector, caregiver, partner and have looked out for his best interests (sometimes at the expense of my own health) and have been his significant other for 30 years. Since his strokes (13 years ago) he has had a tendency to get tunnel vision on things, but he had always treated me with love and respect until last Feb though I noticed a few times from Nov - Feb that he would come off the wall and had stopped him in his tracks on it. So we shall see. I am anxious to see what was determined as to his psych eval. If they will not tell me anything, then I am going to ask do I have anything to worry about or am I or our pups in danger. I do hold POA (medical and full) though I have not invoked it as yet.

Y'all have a great Sunday (Father's day). I will keep you posted.

It will be interesting to see what the psych eval shows. Hopefully some meds can modify his behaviour.

Hi Golden...sure hope so. If they will give me any info. If they won't the one thing that I am going to ask is, as I noted above are my pup and I safe. By the way he is still being a horses patoot, telling me I didn't say something when I did and the usual...but not being mean as he was before. 

Hi Everyone... well no word on the psych eval and I cannot get privacy to call and see. For someone with supposed hearing problems my honey can sure hear anything I say when he is in the living room and I am in my study. Guess they call it selective hearing...ha,ha,ha. In this TX heat do not want to get out right now as I am already having issues with dizziness (keep feeling my heartbeat in my ears but BP is ok). I am concerned as he has developed what almost amounts to a hole in his heel and being diabetic am really concerned and will mention to his visiting nurse when she returns on Monday (unless it gets larger before then). With him being diabetic and the heart issues any cut or injury is of major concern. I am currently keeping it clean and putting Neosporin and a band aid on it. As for his attitude it still sucks some of the time, but at least he is doing a lot of things for himself and not expecting me to wait on him hand and foot. Rehab came out today and he made it clear he did not want my involvement (unless the PT person needed some info) so I bowed out and went into the study where our "pups" were at.

I am going to have to get in to have my vision checked as soon as I can as bright light is starting to affect me as it did when I had cataracts and have difficulty seeing anything but long distances without glasses (I was better than 20/20 after my cataract surgery on near and far). I am so afraid that I will go blind again. But with my meds that I have to buy and being on limited income have not been able to afford it. I don't think Medicare would pay for it either.

Everything else is pretty much status quo. I am not allowing my honey to go back down the same road he was on, all of our weapons are still locked in the gun vault and I have only access...Other than that am doing pretty good.

Hope this post does not seem confusing. Y'all take care and have a great day.

Hi Everyone... the visiting nurse came out yesterday and the place on his heel is a diabetic ulcer.  She is increasing her visits to three times a week to try to clear this up before it worsens.  Lord, I hope Medicare will cover all of this.  My understanding is that it will.  Have to give my honey a sponge bath today as when they changed his IV line at the hospital (and with his heel) he cannot take a shower.  My honey goes to his cardiologist today so will know more of what his status is.

I am exhausted and it has only been a week (I think since he came home) and we have had people in and out all week.  Tomorrow will be crazy as I have a handyman coming out to trim some branches on our trees and move our firewood away from the house. The rehab person and the visiting nurse are coming out, have two deliveries and have to give both of our fur babies baths. Saturday my honey's brother and SIL are coming into  town to help me take them to the vet for toenail trim and their booster shots.  I do always look forward to their visits though.  They  are a joy to be around and we both enjoy their visits.

I am watching what little I had saved up dwindle but things that needed to get done are getting done. I don't regret it, but when it runs out it will just be our Social Security and not sure what we are going to do then as I have had no time to go out and promote my businesses and with my honey's condition am unable to work. Ugh!

Sorry everyone...not being negative, just tired.. Will figure it all out. Figure Sunday I can let my mind and body relax and work on my paintings. Next week is a little quieter so far so maybe I can get our and visit some vets to promote my business.

Till then just going to keep on truckin' dealing with things as they come up. Luckily my honey has not reverted back to the way he was from Feb to May. Think he has finally realized that I will not tolerate it.  Weapons are still locked up and he knows I am not putting up with any bs from him.

Will give an update once I know more from the cardiologist. Y'all have a great day.

Thanks for the update, Dusti. I am concerned about your vision, presumably you really need it for your painting and related business as you get back to it. Hopefully you can get some medical attention for it ASAP. We all need our vision of course, but artists really do!

Thanks Snoopy..... looks like my honey's care is going to get more intensive. The cardiologist is pleased with the way that my honey's progress is coming. My honey was downright rude...interrupting me and making derisive comments when I was asking our cardiologist some questions relating to the heart pump. Dr noted it, raised and eyebrow and then went back to talking directly to me. Just as with the IV I will be responsible for making sure batteries are charged and responding should there be an alarm on the unit. Not sure what else will be entailed but will find out as we go along. Dr did not ask my honey if we were married. He asked me direct...I told him no...not even common law. After he asked how long we had been together and I told him he said our relationship lasted long than most marriages. My honey did not like that. Anyway, I wanted that very firmly established. Then my honey sat there and lied to the doctor about having quit smoking!!! Duh! Doctor is not stupid.

So over the course of the couple of months after our next one in July it will mean many visits with some weekly etc. My honey if he has the surgery will be the hospital for approx. 3 weeks which will give me time to rest up.

When the visiting nurses company gave me a compliment that they could not do this without my help and not many women/partners can do what I am doing and I told my honey he told me to quit bragging on myself as he does anytime I get a complement from someome else.... oh well.... It is nice to have a complement once in a while. (smile)

I have a person coming out to trim some limb and move the wood that is by our home and my honey opened the door and was very rude to him. They guy that is coming out said that if my honey was going to give them a hard time the price may go up. In otherwords they will deal with me but not him. Well at least someone else has seen the rudeness (the doctor and this gentleman) besides me.

Sorry everyone... I am just exhausted and am getting ready to take and anti panic med (don't take them very often and then only a half of a tablet). Hopefully that will help the aches and pains that I have go away (I have started swelling up when under stress and start aching and hurting all over).  Just wish I could find a hole and pull the earth in over me and sleep for a week.  Back in a while. Y'all have a great night.

Sorry Snoopy...did not respond completely. I am worried about my vision as well and am going to have to get it seen to soon. It would be a disaster if I went blind being an artist. I know I could do clay sculpture and wood carving but would not be the same as doing my paintings. Let alone I would not be able to care for my pups as well, take care of my honey or drive. I have been there once and do not want to go there again.

Dusti,
Glad to see you are hanging in there.

My Medicare knowledge is out of date. But please call your eye Dr and ask about coverage and get in there ASAP and have your vision treated!

Hi Lizzy... I definitely will. Once all of the rehab/visiting nurses are on a set schedule I can call and get an appointment lined up. If worst comes to worst I will call the agency that I went through to get my cataracts (which caused me to go completely blind) taken care of to see if they can help if Medicare won't. Have to do something as it is getting worse. I can see to drive without glasses, but midrange and closeup my vision really sucks. Notice even on distance my field of vision is narrowing.

Well set up appointment with my eye doctor. After they checked records, said that my cataracts may be returning since the surgery was done 6 years ago. Ugh...just what I need right now. (see my post on "My "whine moment today". What's yours? ")… Oh well when it rains it pours. Have to stay positive. I go next Tues for my eye appointment.

Just a follow up on my eye appointment. Well turned out a lot better than I even hoped. No macular degeneration, diabetic retinopathy or nerve damage. Wahoooo! Talk about relief.

Found out I am getting secondary cataracts on both eyes. Dr. said this is not unusual after having cataract surgery on both eyes in 2012 (per Dr. can happen anywhere from 6 month to 6 years after cataract). My right eye is pretty bad and will need to have the laser surgery to correct the issue within the next month. The left eye is in a lot better shape so will be awhile on it. Told doctor I am petrified of going blind again. He still remembers how blind I was when he first saw me over 6 years ago (my first visit to him) and totally understood. Thank heaven it is something correctable and per my Dr. is covered by Medicare.

Will have to work around my honey's surgery as it sounds like that will be taking place somewhere around the same time. But not letting it go until I am blind again.

Dusti,
Good news from the eye Dr!!!

Not that cataracts are good news but considering you were expecting the problem to be far worse, good news under the circumstances.

Dustin, I'm so glad that your eyes are correctable and Medicare covers it.

If you have a medical POA, there is no reason that you can not get the information on the psych eval.

Take care of you and pups. Good luck with your surgery.