I’ve been dealing with a challenging situation for the past year. My mother-in-law moved in with us under the impression that it would be temporary. Due to health reasons but has been healed for over 6 months. It was initially meant to be a short-term arrangement, but it has become long-term. Since her move, our family life has significantly changed. We used to be a close-knit family of three (my husband, our 9-year-old son, and me), but now our privacy is non-existent. My mother-in-law often yells at my son more than necessary and closely monitors everything we do, as her room is centrally located. She tells me how to parent an example would be; the other night my son was mad he had to get off his game so he was throwing a little fit. I went to go in his room and she yelled at me to stop and let him fuss. Her parenting was a joke from what her son has told me. I feel like I am shouldering all household responsibilities alone, which I never minded when it was just us 3, life was happy then. She has even started asking me to do things for my husband before he can even speak for himself, which makes me uncomfortable. Her presence has also led to tension between my husband and me. He spends more time at work and seems to be struggling with the situation too. I’m worried about the effect on our son, who seems to be more stressed and disconnected from his father. Additionally, my mother-in-law has her own house that she still pays for and her daughter and other grandchildren elsewhere, and I feel she’s becoming increasingly dependent on us. I’m concerned about my mental health and my son’s well-being. I don’t have a strong support network and am unsure how to address this with my husband, who can be difficult when discussing sensitive topics. I’m contemplating whether separation might be the only solution, but I’m unsure if that’s the best course of action. Has anyone experienced a similar situation? How did you handle it, and what strategies did you use to cope or resolve the issues? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
It’s not clear from your post whether or not Mil’s own house is empty or is occupied by “her daughter and other grandchildren elsewhere”. If it’s close to you, I’d suggest that you buy a bag of groceries, take it and MIL around to her own house, leave her there, then go home. Turn off your phone. If necessary, change the locks on your house - you can let DH into your house yourself. That does the deed with no discussion.
Sometimes it’s easier to talk about something that’s already done, than to bring up what ‘ought to be done’. "She comes back, I leave". To be honest, I'd leave your son with DH to increase the pressure (you can let son know in advance why, and that it's temporary). DH will find it impossible to dodge this one.
This is something everyone with children should consider before walking out without the kids.
Why is he afraid of her ? If he’s uncomfortable why hasn’t he told her to leave ? It was a temporary arrangement , so it should not be a shock that it’s time she goes . You and your child should be his priority . Go to marriage counseling . Your husband needs a reality check .
Also your MIL is in YOUR home . She does not dictate how things are done . Tell her that .
It's past time for a "come to Jesus" meeting with your husband and MIL, and set a time frame that your MIL will either go back home, with paid(by her)in-home help, or in an assisted living.
This is so very unfair to your young son, and your husband now has to put on his big boy pants and stand up for his wife and child and get his mother out.
And if he doesn't....well that's a whole other story, and separation/divorce may have to be the next step.
I do hope that your husband will be man enough to do what is right by you and your son.
It's time for her to go back home or into Assisted Living. This situation has to end very soon.