How much should my grandfather pay me for live-in care? What factors should I consider to determine a fair wage?

You wrote that you feel some stress at being the deciding factor of his being able to come home. Does that pressure mean you’d feel guilty if you say no? There is some excellent advice here. Please take all that into consideration, and please consider exactly what would be expected of you.

Conside this with taxes and also how you will be insured. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/hiring-in-home-caregiver-affects-taxes-171023.htm?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20230503&key=393778f0-abf5-4b9b-b261-9fc3031d5c29&mkt_tok=MzA1LVpYWi00NjYAAAGLgM0Mw1uLMv54-kWXbI5jEAaggXeqGBpgGtPOlwrLqWTL4UQ-9cxnSvEOAqPCioYI6_tzsW-KnfFRK6M_zDVzXNnlFJKCNFCk_3A1MpryjA

You will need days off. Do you need a car? You will need a contract

friendorfoe: Retain an elder law attorney.

All the other responses listed here are valid and worth considering. I am a caregiver to my spouse and to my elderly mother who now lives in our home. I hired a FT caregiver who helps me with the two of them M-F for 40 hours per week. Even so, I must still shop for groceries, pick up prescription meds, take my two charges to medical appointments, do wound care, get gasoline and car tune-ups, go to the post office, pay the bills, visit the dentist, clean my house and bathrooms, and deal with other unexpected duties. And because these two patients are people that I love, I also want to engage in conversations with them, watch TV and movies with them, and just be there for them when they want to talk or vent. Trust me when I say that one person cannot do 24/7 caregiving and tend to all the other duties that pop up in day to day living. If you decide to become a live-in caregiver, recognize that your personal life will suffer and even worse, you may build up resentments against this grandfather that you love. You need time for yourself - away from your grandfather and your live-in responsibilities. Read the responses listed here and collect some of the good advice given. And one last comment... do not assume that your grandfather will regain his former health and stamina. It is not unusual for a hospitalization to mark the beginning of a downward trend in health. If this happens, your grandfather will need more help, not less. Good luck to you and God bless.

I don't know how much he should pay but remember - this will be considered income so he will need to pay taxes on what he pays you and you will need to pay taxes on what you receive. If it is paid through an agency, then the agency deals with that.

Even loved ones can manipulate us into doing what they want, without any forethoughts about our health or our living conditions. You have been backed into a corner and it's time for you to talk with people in a support group who have lived through this nightmare.

Please call Adult Protective Services, in his locale, to have him evaluated for placement. Protect yourself and your future......................you need to live a balanced life, not one of indentured slavery.

Okay, this is maybe not a good idea, at least not for long term. There are too many unanswered questions here - money, time, duties. My son decided that he'd care for his grandmother in exchange for room, board, and a salary. He lasted 4 months and that was with my help almost every day. He stayed living with her, but went back to his other job. He just looked after her at night after her dinner, which was really easy for him, just to make sure she stayed in the house and got her questions answered. She had Alzheimer's. Your grandpa's situation is different with heart failure, but he isn't wanting anyone there and it's difficult to be in a place where you are not wanted. Before you agree to anything, get all questions answered, get everything in writing, AND get a decent salary for doing this very difficult job.

I would do nothing until all his children were invited to take him in and if he needs permanent care he can rotate among them. If they won’t help it’s a whole different ballgame. Know that caring for him will be a backbreaking and stressful undertaking. I would suggest having a lawyer draw up a detailed contract that includes your compensation and time off, WHO decides when and how often you need outside help(aides), expenses taking grandpa to the doctor etc etc. Include in the contract that if the situation becomes permanent the contract will have to be renegotiated upwards. Suggest using soft but legal language. the sons won’t like it but the time to have everything crystallized is before you disrupt your current life and move in. Know that when you do they are very lucky to have you.

Talk with the POA about the care that is needed, the hours that would be needed, see if you could hire anyone to assist you. Talk it all out first with what’s expected of you and kind of go from there. You could look at what the going rate is for a caregiver from a company and research The cost of a private caregiver. I will keep your pay good but reasonable, because you want the money to last for a long time.

if anyone else is remotely possible going to be entering the house then the POA needs to buy nanny cams and you need to lock up every single item that you consider valuable or sentimentally valuable. I’m sorry, but do not give the benefit of the doubt to anyone - this is from years of experience.

Good luck dear

There are market analyses done by insurance companies and if you google home care services in (his zip code) you’ll get a range (ie $20-30 per hour) starting from the middle of the range, assess the level of care / safety monitoring and go 5-10 up or down from mid range.
if he has an assigned POA and or an estate planning attorney, they might be able to offer insight as well.
thank you for all you do. Make sure you take care of you and ask for help for yourself. It’s challenging work and so needed for people who want to age in place.

If you become an employee, your grandfather or POA is responsible for the employer portion of social security and annual tax forms. If you set up a LLC and the family contracts you, you are responsible for 100% social security as well as tax filings. Not a big deal (unless the POA will balk at doing it).

So...I'm not super excited that this is open-ended. That is a disaster waiting to happen. When a home health nurse, PT and OT are scheduled or rehab is scheduled in a situation like this - there is always a discharge date that is looming and the patient knows they have to work towards that date to improve (if they are able to do so)

I'm also not thrilled with the "we're not quite sure how it's going to work out and what kind of help he is going to need". This is another disaster in the making. Because if this is the case - how do you even know for sure that you alone are going to be able to handle his care?

You don't give us a lot of details - as others have asked - regarding your own situation. Are you leaving a job to do this? You say that the compensation is a deciding factor in how long you can stay with him. That leads me to believe that either you don't currently have a job or you are young enough OR don't have a lot of other responsibilities, that afford you the ability to temporarily stop working and find another job after you have taken a stint as his caregiver.

But let me caution you. Temporary caregiver is very often a misnomer. People often go into a caregiving role thinking they will only have to help for a few weeks or months. And before they know it, they have been taking care of their loved one for a few years. And when they leave the role for whatever reason - they struggle because they no longer have a home, their job skills have dwindled and need to be refreshed, and THEIR life outside of their caregiving role has sped along and they have to catch back up. So consider this very carefully. Because you don't have a "discharge" date. And people will often take advantage of a good will offer.

Your hands are also tied by the fact that one of his children is managing his finances. I'm assuming this child is not your parent. I'm also assuming this person has POA. That means that this person will be pulling all of the strings - including yours. Everything you need for your grandfather will have to go through them. Not just your pay. EVERYTHING. So if you have any concerns about this person's interests - you need to be wary. Are their interests in taking care of your grandfather? Or in keeping him home for the express reason of preserving his money? Because if you have any concern about the second - you need to be careful. Very little will be spent on funding your care of your grandfather if that is the case. And if your grandfather doesn't improve as expected, you will be the "go to" solution for his care in a permanent way.

I strongly encourage you to really think about this. If they can pay you to stay with him, they can pay home health to do the same - and that would most definitely have an end date and encourage your grandfather to improve. Too often when family steps in to take care of someone who is recovering - they will become more dependent on the family member than they would outside paid help. So just be careful with your decision so that you don't get yourself stuck in a situation you cannot extricate yourself from.

I'd advise not doing it. You can use compensation as a reason why. You can say that considering the workload you'd need at least 3k a week, and for that he might be better off in a rehab facility or letting a professional come in.

If you do this, it will be hard to get out of later on. You should have a job where you don't have to harm yourself physically, you have social security taken out, and that allows you to save for the future. Don't giv up your youth.

I would say at least $2500 - $3000 a week if your doing physical therapy , cooking , shopping , bathing , house repairs , cleaning , laundry 🧺 entertainment , washing dishes , taking out trash , bringing him
to doctors appointments , the list goes on and on . Your on call
24/7 try and have someone come in on the weekends to give you a break or you will Burn out . Also see if elder services can send in a grocery shopper , house cleaner or CNA to help with Bathing . Check out meals on wheels for lunch - it’s a big job I have done it before for 3 people .Make sure you have a legal contract in writing that states “ You work 5 days a week for $3000 and have weekends Off and what your care duties are “ that way you will not be taken advantage of . Medicare will pay for some services like a VNA nurse to come in or a CNA to do bathing . Get all the help you can . And decide a time limit . Is this 6 month , 1 year , 2 years or forever . Make sure to have a written legal contract . Try 6 months first and go from there or other relatives will dump everything on you and take advantage of you and do nothing to help . The Doctor can order physical therapy , occupational therapy, and a VNA nurse to come in . Find a social worker for yourself for Support . And continue to keep up your own goals for your life because a Caregiver becomes very isolated in this Role . Also make sure there is a debit card on File for you to charge Amazon , LYFT or Uber , Task Rabbit so you are not using your resources for food , supplies , cleaning products, diapers , rides etc . You have to make this as professional as possible .

If you want a live in caregiver, who would be responsible for all the needs of the household and healthcare you would definitely want to go through an agency that checks out people’s background. Also, they would need insurance in case something happened. I think you can’t get anything less than $60,000 a year for something like that. If he doesn’t want to do a live in, it would probably be three times as expensive as that to get round the clock care. At that point it’s cheaper to go into a facility and the care level would be much better. Don’t forget people who stay at home are very isolated, but in a facility they have a lot of social interaction which is good for anyone’s house.

You are very kind to help.

To determine the appropriate wage, contact 3 agencies for the going rate in your area for someone with your skill set (I’m assuming you are not a CNA or an RN, but if you had one of those relevant qualifications, you should get compensated accordingly.) Agencies charge more than privately contracted caregivers who usually earn half of the agency rate. You can decide your hourly charge (somewhere between 1/2 and the full agency rate), but you should absolutely earn less than the agency rate, as that should determine the maximum pay “ceiling.” If you charge more, you may upset other family members.

A contract is not usually necessary for this type of work, but in your case, I would advise a contract to evidence the agreed upon terms (hourly rate, estimated hour range per week, petty cash procedures), duration (if you have a maximum time duration limit, such as 3 months). Ask that you be paid by a “nanny” payroll company (the charge and setup is nominal and proper tax withholding will make things easier for you at tax time. Do not take cash and do not “pay yourself.” Such commingling could lead to future legal skirmishes or misunderstandings.

Soend time together engaging in therapeutic activities and field trips. Use this time to get closer and show your love.

Others here have written “do not do this.” Ignore them. They are not reading your question or respecting uour wishes. You are a wonderful and kind person and you should be proud (not admonished) for stepping up.

Few of us take the opportunity to be a hero. Cheers to you and best wishes for recovery of your loved one.

do
not
do
this

I am a grand-daughter, and I rode solo with my grandfather for a year and that’s only BECAUSE I am POA. I would never, ever put my fate in a family members hand regarding financial control of the environment I am living and working in. That is for the birds.

know that if this is the only way he can be home, you’re in for it, and miracles can happen (my grandfather walked pretty decently after temporarily bedbound and got off a catheter that the urologist thought he would never), but often only for a short time. He’s now bedbound, incontinent, very late middle stage dementia, and has basal cell cancer growing on his hand (it’s slow growing and we’re not putting him through any invasive procedures). He is on early home hospice.

last May I started sharing duties with his son, and I had to be vigilant about “training” another person who (not to be mean) wasn’t as obsessive about learning every single thing about his conditions. So now I do 9 days a month, but less the last two because I broke my tibia in my leg and can’t bear full weight to change my pops brief. But make sure, before you do this, that you are ready to compromise the memories you have of him by adding new ones that include wiping feces off his testicles potentially. At this point I don’t mind and my patience is very there and I feel very compassionate and tender, but the reality is that’s because he’s on hospice. This time last year I was so burned out I was randomly crying and then getting short with him over stupid things like throwing beans or tripping when I told him not to enter a room. And I LOVE this dude like my dad, he’s my most cherished and favorite family member and it’s still hard. I lost career opportunities, a social life that I’m still rebuilding, and my relationship of 7 years. Don’t do it.

Do Not move in with your grandfather. Have him placed into a facility for his care. Too much work and stress for you as other readers have said. So, your grandpa will have spend down his own funds to Medicaid level. You need your own employment for your own welfare and your own rest. If you already have a job, do not quit your job.

My parents have moved in with me. I am having to take care of meds, finances, fixing their electronics they constantly mess up, plus give them interaction. My sister told my folks to pay me $2000 a month. If we were to hire someone to do everything, it would cost over $4000. I not doing this for the money, but I do feel it has become a full time job.
A word of caution, paying me has become an issue for my father and has added to the stress of the situation. He has become more resentful and feels like I should be doing everything for free.
Your not doing this to make money off your grandfather, but your also not slave labor. Find out how much local 24 hour care cost and then go from there. My area charges $30 an hour for over night care.
Hopefully they will appreciate your help.

Help a relative after hospitalisation? Sure.

Be there for 2-3 days to one week for round the clock support. Ok.

That is where my GIFT would end. Longer than that would be mean leaving other commitments in my life, my job & own family. Burden would be too high. LO would need to find another solution.

If an ongoing situation, with no definite timeline. No.

You are young, maybe without obligations for children but what about work or study?

Step in as a GIFT or a JOB?
I agree with the others - work this out first.

🚩 Aunts & Uncles may see you as free labour as "family helps family" right?

Right now, this is what you have done, what you have agreed with Grandpa and the other family relatives. You would like to get the terms straight from the beginning, but in fact you don’t know how it will travel.

I’d suggest that you make a guess, and also agree a time line, perhaps three months. At the end of that, you will be in a better position to know how much work is involved, how much you miss ‘your real life’, and how this will impact on your plans for the future. You can check out the other options, and the other costs. Revisit the whole arrangement when you understand it better. You don’t need to walk out now, just get your ducks in a line when you know what it really means for you, Grandpa and the rest of the family.

Many things to consider before committing to this:
1. You. Are you quitting a job to do this, or will you be helping when you're not at work? What are you going to be sacrificing?
2. If your grandfather is still bedbound, someone will need to be available 24 hours daily to assist him. If you have a job, you'll suffer in many ways if you have to help him during the night.
3. Is he going to have home health care paid by Medicare, providing at least a few weeks of nurse visits to evaluate his health at least weekly + physical therapy + occupational therapy? There's a transition period after leaving a facility, when strength and stamina still have to be actively worked on.
4. Will you lose your own home or apartment, by moving in with him; and then have to find another place to live, if and when he can live on his own again?
5. What if the person managing his finances doesn't want to buy needed supplies for his care, or for home health aides to give you a break? You need to know that your requests for these things will be accepted as necessary (probably spelled out in a legal document), or you will find that family relationships turn for the worse - and that is extremely traumatic. When we cared for my mom periodically, she and Dad were still in charge of their finances and could decide what was needed. Other family members had no say; and we paid for all that we could ourselves, as we knew the time would come that they would need permanent care and would need their money then - and that time has come, and I have Durable Power of Attorney now, so that siblings have no say in how money is spent for care.

My husband and I managed my mother's care through hospitalizations, nursing home rehab, and then 3 months in our home, at least five different times. It was very difficult to do with me (in poor health myself), my husband (with a full-time job and a long daily commute), my dad (usually during the day, spending the nights at their apartments to care for their cats), and a teenage son still living at home, all pitching in to do what was needed.

It was so worth it, because time after time Mom was able to become independent again and go back home to resume her normal life with Dad. But I honestly couldn't have done it on my own.

I think you need to sit down with all your aunts and uncles and make a plan that is VERY SPECIFIC as to who is going to help in what way. I don't think it's likely that you can do this alone, and they should be pitching in. You're wise to be paid; that will need to be set in stone, with the help of an elder lawyer. As others have said, there is no way you can be paid enough for what you are going to be giving in time, energy, and emotion, to do this for your grandfather.

Unfortunately, the course of caring for an elderly person can't be predicted. It's hard to know what you need to know, before you've experienced it. You may have to change and launder bedding more than once daily, cook meals and clean up afterwards, keep up his house or apartment, help him with exercises, deal with home health coming into the home, deal with new health issues, help him dress and undress, help him to the commode, buy groceries, order medical supplies often - and often be doing two or more of these at the same time.

I don't want to discourage you from caring for your grandfather; your desire to do so is one I completely understand, and we can often do much more than we think possible, when the task has to be done. But I do think you need to have this organized as completely as possible, so both you and your grandfather look back at this time with appreciation for each other and this time you had together, and other family relationships don't fall apart. My son says now, as an adult, that he's glad he got to have this special relationship with his grandparents, as a caregiver; and my husband and I also cherish the time we've had with my parents (and still with Mom). But it has been a terrific amount of work and stress, too.

If your grandfather is compensating you for loss of earnings, then base your suggested rate on what your earnings normally are. Are you actually employed, or prepared to be?

If the aim is still for him to return to his previous level of independence that needs planning and inputs. Who else is involved in this?

You didn’t say how old is grandad and you?
Assuming you are fairly young and should be working at job of your choice, are you sure caregiving is right for you?
Deciding factor, grandad is not well to be released from rehab, not sure how much care is required and not sure about progress. Probably more than you can handle i.e non ambulatory, all chores need to be done for him and the list goes on.
One of his children manages finances, could be another red flag.

Unless someone is very independently wealthy, it is unlikely that what a full time 24/7 worker is WORTH could be actually AFFORDED for any time at all.

So one factor is grandfather's financial assets.
Second would be his willingness or his competency to attend an elder care attorney with you to draw up a contract agreement for payment.

Do consider things regarding also your qualifications and training to render this full 24/7 care competently. You will take into consideration likely board and care if grandfather is to live with you, or what you are SAVING if you are to live with him.

There are many factors to take into consideration regarding the facts that we sometimes see family members give up their freedom, their lives, their own homes and families and friends to take on elder care. They often end without good compensation, no savings, no job history, no home. We have seen them near the end of their own sanity and looking at shelter care for themselves.

So there is a whole lot to take into consideration. I don't know if you will also be POA for financial, but this would be a Fiduciary duty and you would be responsible for answering for every penny into and every penny out of your grandfather's funds.

My advice would be to sit for an hour with an elder care attorney. Grandfather can pay for this. And get the skivvy on all your options and all the things for you to take into consideration.

Wishing you good luck. This is a lot to try to take on.

Knowing what I do now, I would not do it. We have a number of grandchildren on this forum caring for a grandparent with no life. Family members feel they are getting room and board for free so caring offsets that. These young people are inexperienced and get no help. Do you have the strength to help gramps from a wheelchair to a bed? If he becomes incontinent, are you willing to change his Depends and wipe him. And add in, he is not comfortable with you being there.

I do commend you on wanting to be paid. Check with ur Labor Board on the criteria for Live-ins. The rules are pretty much as any employee, u work 40 hrs a week with OT. Your room and board are part of your employment. (Burntcargiver has a good explanation for this) You should get paid at least minimum wage. (Again, Burnt can explain that) You get days off. When ur not working, someone needs to be there for gramps or a CNA hired. Please, families have taken advantage of the ones taking on the Caring. I would not do it without having the POA.

What I am describing is not cheap. He may be better off in an Assisted living.

In 2011, I paid $275 per day for a 24/7 live-in caregiver for my dad in a situation such as you describe. Relief caregivers at an hourly rate were also necessary because one person cannot do it all. The rate has surely gone up.

I admire you for wanting to help, but I sense that you have no idea what you are getting into. You will probably have to do all the shopping, cooking and other household chores. Family help will likely fall by the wayside as they figure out how much work it is.

Also, its a huge red flag that one of his children will be managing the funds and not you. This paves the way for that person to opt out of paying relief caregivers or for other things that you and grandpa will need. Don't expect the finance person to understand what the caregiver needs. It rarely happens.

So now that I've told you how much I was paying many years ago, I'll mention Rude Aunt, who insisted that all dad needed was a $15 an hour sitter a few hours a day. She refused to believe he was as sick as he was and said I was wasting his money (though he didn't think so). I no longer speak to her. Your situation could implode like this at some point even though you can't imagine such a thing.

If you are the caregiver, expect more and more responsibility to be placed on you as grandpa's health continues to decline. You and the family may be expecting the impossible. In that case, how will you escape? Have an exit plan.

Better yet, run now.

As for the only way for him to go home is for you to move in with him, it may not be the best thing for him to be at home anymore. What grandpa wants is now not necessarily what grandpa gets. He's the sick one and may have to change his plans rather than everyone else changing theirs to support his unworkable wishes.

I'm sorry this is so negative, but read some of the other posts on this board. Your situation isn't unique, and you can learn from what others have been through.

Good luck!