Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
I am in your shoes. My dad died of pancreatic cancer may of 2019. I just lost my mom from believe it or not, undiagnosed sepsis that was cured before she got encephalopathy. She died on Tuesday. It is all so hard to process. They both died at 71. So young. No advice but knowing they are both out of pain and that this is then natural order of life is helping me. ❤️🙏🏼
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Billiegoat Nov 2020
I'm so sorry for your losses...so very sorry.
(0)
Report
I’m very sorry you are going through this. There are professionals that specialize in ptsd. You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. My insurance pays for Dr. on demand, and I can use them for various Dr. sessions over the phone which makes it a lot easier. Wishing you the best
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am so very sorry for your loss. My mother died three years before my father. It was the first death in my immediate family and I was extremely close to her. I entered a state of numbness. Couldn't cry, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate, couldn't function except for the simplest things. I felt lost, unmoored, like I didn't know who I was without her.

I read somewhere that when faced with terrible grief, the mind protects us by hiding the loss deep inside somewhere, quarantining it in a way, until the griever is able start to process the loss. That made sense to me. I also started on a low dose anti-depressant (Zoloft) which helped greatly.

My suggestion for right now is to make an appointment with your doctor to assess whether medication is warranted. Talk therapy should follow. It helped me to talk with others who had lost loved ones.

One last thing that still gives me comfort: my mother's and father's genes are within me. As long as I carry their blood, they live on in me.

May you find peace and comfort.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report
Billiegoat Nov 2020
tyvm. I am sorry for your losses, too.
(0)
Report
So sorry to hear about losing both your parents
My dad almost passed last year from sepsis also
He was brought to hospital with very little energy and stomach pain, they kept him overnight, called me the next morning and said he was ok
I brought him to his home where as soon as he got out of car collapsed on sidewalk
I immediately called an ambulance and had him brought to another hospital
His temp was 104, he had a gallbladder that spilled into his system and caused sepsis
They gave him high doses of antibiotics and ended up taking his gallbladder out
Now he is ok
As far as both parents being gone I know it has to be devastating, I almost l ou st my mom 5 years ago so for the last 5 years have been spending lots of time talking to my parents, spending a couple days at their house and when I leave always hug and tell both of them I love them
I realize someday they wont be here but I have lots of memories and know it's the cycle of life.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Billiegoat Nov 2020
I'm glad your dad survived.
(0)
Report
A cousin recently lost her parents who'd been divorced for 50 years. They died a day apart. It's devastating no matter how far apart the deaths are if you were close to your parents.

It's only been a week since your dad died. The fact is a lot of older people die from things that are missed or just can't be fixed. Doctors and nurses are not super-human and they do the best they can. Some pain can't be eliminated, and not all infections are clear and treatable.

I'd say the most important things to do now are 1. Forgive those who tried to help your parents but didn't measure up to your expectations. As I said, they're human. 2. Give yourself permission to grieve, to feel empty, and to realize we only have so much power to make things go the way we want.

The end of life is still part of life, and while it's painful, so was the birth of that person. With a birth, the pain comes before the joy, and with a death, the joy comes before the pain.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Billiegoat Nov 2020
ty
(0)
Report
Billie--
My neighbor and friend lost both her parents within 6 months of each other and her husband left her in between their deaths.

She is still (2 years) grieving and struggling with her impending divorce. All I have done is be a listening ear to her. She has so much anger and pain. Her soon-to-be ex has installed listening devices all over the house and she cannot talk freely, b/c he records EVERYTHING for the upcoming divorce hearings. We have a signal between us--that if she needs to talk freely, she makes a comment about a recipe and then I know she needs to come to MY house and talk.

I have encouraged her to seek counseling, she has not done so. She has supportive siblings and they are shoring her up.

Along the way, with this husband, she lost her 'faith' and I am hopefully helping her to find it again. Just being there for her, I know is helpful. She's a hoarder, and knows it, I have let her know I will come and help her, she has to empty the house b/c she is not going to get it in the divorce.

I've prayed for her, encouraged her to return to the faith of her parents--and she knows that would help.

Life is hard. It's unfair. BUT, there are kind people out there and she will be OK. Our neighborhood has wrapped their arms around her and are supporting her, emotionally. She has to work through the pain herself, but she is NOT alone.

I hope you seek and fine people to share your feelings with. There are brighter days ahead, although I know it seems impossible now that could be so.

((Hugs))
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
brtrains Nov 2020
Your friend should report the listening devices to her lawyer, pull them out and keep them as evidence
Its silly she is allowing that and also you should be helping her to not have to live like that
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
Thank you, Sunnydayze. I'm so very sorry for your loss, too. It's beyond hard. I can't imagine you saying goodbye through a window. My heart goes out to you, too.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I’m also grieving the loss of my dad, which to my surprise has often brought back grief over losing my mother years before. It feels like being an orphan, the people that knew me from my start are gone. I rationally know that is the way of life, one generation goes and another comes along, but that doesn’t change the sadness of missing them. I would urge you to seek help as you admit it’s not getting better. Mental health care needs have soared during Covid, the isolation and daily news aren’t good for us. I’m glad you reached out here, now please reach out to a professional, and come back and let us know how you are. I wish you peace and comfort, it’s so very hard
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
Billiegoat Nov 2020
Ty Daugherof1930. My heart goes out to you, too.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
Please seek out a physician/psychiatrist(?) TRAINED in dealing with PTSD. push yourself to do this, then your professional will gently push you along towards feeling better by a tiny bit each day.

My dad died (the closest person to me on earth) unexpectedly and instantly three weeks after my first child was born. This was a calamity in my life. On one side, this monstrous loss, on the other, a beautiful baby. I made hideous mistakes with both my baby and the rest of my world. My amazing husband, who loved Dad as much as I did, would leave for work and I’d be plunged into an abyss of “aloneness”. I was left through NO FAULT OF ANYONE, to fend for myself.

This went on much much too long, and ultimately I was hospitalized for an absolutely USELESS week on a psychiatric floor where no one learned my name, and everyone smoked and yelled.

What do I know now that I didn’t know then? I am a very non-fanciful person, and for about 3 1/2-4 years, I had a significant loss of “....Faith beyond understanding...” . I resented the fact that people would tell me they were praying for me, since their prayers hadn’t prevented my father’s loss.

But then, ultimately, my personal universe caused me to realize that the love I shared with my father had not been lost. The series of inexplicables that began to surround me became more insistent. We didn’t talk, but we were together. Decades later, this belief remains. It has nothing in particular to do with spiritualism or religion. It’s just part of my daily life.

I don’t contact my father, I just observe.

Consider this thought, and if you choose to reject it, that’s OK. Don’t be embarrassed as I was, by wanting to seek out the help of specialists. Give yourself credit when you DO “get out of bed”, and forgive yourself when you don’t.

Take hugs from friends and other LOs, even in these horrible times, virtual ones.

While the “they are together, he’s in no pain...” comments were NO HELP AT ALL to me, the thought that he was wanting me to be happy and enjoy things again DID gradually come to help, partially because I know that he’s still wanting that for me.

Baby steps. I understand where you are.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Billiegoat Nov 2020
Ty AnnReid. I did seek help after my mom's passing but was told "you are not having trouble grieving; you are having trouble with PTSD and you need not come back here. I can't do anything for you." I tried to contact other professionals to no avail. I'm so sorry for what you went through (and are going through), too.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
This is more than the strongest person can handle. Your healthcare experiences with both parents compound your grief. My dad died in August from sepsis and COvid. I had to say goodbye though an outside window. My heart aches over your situation. I don’t have any answers. I certainly felt very empty and drained for weeks. I had never experienced that feeling. My doctor described this as a form of PTSD. I have gone through a range of emotions over the past few months. You are grieving over 2 parents...not just one. I am praying for you. Words cannot express my empathy for you. I’m so sorry.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter