I have not 100% decided but she is driving me nuts and our relationship is suffering.
BUT how would you say, nicely, "Mom, you're driving me nuts and you need to leave"? I don't know if I could live with myself.
I just don't know. It would be a relief to be alone with hubby BUT not a necessity. He is so good about it. And good to her.
One issue is wanting to go away sometimes and not having anywhere for mom to go. My sister doesn't really want her there anymore for more than a night or two and doesn't want to tell mom that. So that is leaving me in a bind. She "could" stay home alone but hasn't done so for a decade or so. She's way more dependent than she should be and it's maddening.
And I have an issue with the money that would have to be spent if she were to agree to move out. She'd need assisted living as she can't quite navigate everything on her own. That's expensive and I'd hate to see all her money quickly used up on this and then what? She probably would not need a nursing home for a long time so what would happen when she runs out of money in a year or two?
Sorry for rambling. I'm just trying to figure out what I mean, how I feel, what I'm willing to deal with for fallout, etc. I'm sad and overwhelmed and frustrated.
My advice to anyone reading this - do NOT move your parents in with you.
What if you used that info for a springboard into the conversation about ALF?
...Mom, you have needs that we can’t offer you here, even if you feel you don’t need them, you do. We can’t give you the social interaction that you need to keep your mind sharp and we don’t have the comforts and services that you’re entitled to. It would be selfish of me to keep you here when I know they have so much more to offer you!
.Consider a part-time housekeeper and go away for 3 days minimum...somewhere in nature..ocean, mountains. ..Going away gives distance and therefore perspective.
When you return you will have the answer to what seems so overwhelming at this time.
Bless you for honoring and loving your Mother
Did she kick you out as a teen when you where doing ALL the things that kept her worrying about you?
IF, you are a Christian you know the answer.
If you are not a Christian -think of all the things your mother did for you. Hug her say I love and keep her close. Soon she will be gone.
Caregivers can only take so much before it takes a toll on them.
Some caregivers have died before the person that they are caring for.
Everyone has a breaking point! People can love their parents deeply but still burn out.
By the way, you are welcome to volunteer to help these people out if you don’t approve of their choices.
I am sure the caregivers would appreciate your help as a Christian instead of criticizing them!
Awhile back I had a neighbor whose husband left her. She instantly became a single mom to three young children.
A ‘so called Christian neighbor’ a few houses away from the single mom’s home spoke to me to complain that the woman’s lawn was a bit overgrown. I was serving on our HOA board at the time.
He had the gall to send a lawn service to her home to mow her lawn while she was at work and instructed them to leave the bill on her door!
She had no money to pay for this service.
She was working two jobs to support her family and hadn’t had the chance to mow her lawn yet. She could barely pay her babysitter.
He kept going on and on to me about being a Christian, blah, blah, blah. I heard enough!
I told him that he could do the neighborly and Christian thing by lending her a hand by mowing her lawn or pay for the lawn service in her time of need. He shut up! Of course he didn’t offer to do either one of my suggestions.
I spoke to her later and apologized for his behavior, sending a lawn service to her home and told her that the HOA would pay for it.
She was suffering enough without his criticism.
Caregivers are suffering enough without YOUR criticism. Are you a full time caregiver?