Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
I recommend finding her an AL that has a kitchenette in her "apartment". When my daughter admitted she could not live with her dad, I suggested she tell him and everyone else, that she found him a wonderful "studio apartment" in town. We never used the Assisted Living words, NEVER. It was a studio apartment, which it was. a kitchenette, bathroom, and bed/front room. My ex in Washington State and my aunt who was in Dallas, TX both had this arrangement. Plenty of things to do if they wanted to. I used to laugh when I would call my aunt and she would say, "Honey, can I call you back, I am in the middle of a (card game, lecture, exercise class, etc. ) She was told that when she got more strength she could go home, it never happened. My ex, wasn't given a choice. He couldn't live alone and she thought if she got his meds and diet right, she would have the daddy she never had (HAH). The "guys" at his AL (before covid) go to McDonald's for coffee every morning, they go on bus tours, have tailgate parties when the Seahawks are playing at home, etc. There are niche's in the hallways that have jigsaw puzzles in them.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Maybe suggest that she seems to be a little more involved with people her own age and suggest an AL place where she can be with others.  And you don't have to worry about the money because its "her" money that will pay for stuff.  And IF you find a place, ask them if they accept Medicaid, because one her funds run down, she can apply for Medicaid.  Its not your responsibility to pay for "her" stuff.  That's what their savings is for, to pay for in their older age and needing either a place to stay or have someone to care for them.  I already know that my mother would never move in with us, because I would feel I would have to cater to her, watch tv shows that she watches, etc., so their goes my life (being a little selfish or not)....I would feel like I need to cave into their wants/desires and put mine on hold.  So........check into an assisted living (AL) place, ask about Medicaid and tell her that its time for her to be a little more independent again and enjoy people her own age.  or just tell her that you feel your relationship is being strained and want to keep it good.  wishing you luck.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

“Her condition has gone slowly downhill. Etc, etc. Things I never expected to happen, happened.”

What if you used that info for a springboard into the conversation about ALF?
...Mom, you have needs that we can’t offer you here, even if you feel you don’t need them, you do. We can’t give you the social interaction that you need to keep your mind sharp and we don’t have the comforts and services that you’re entitled to. It would be selfish of me to keep you here when I know they have so much more to offer you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

There are always solutions. You sound like you are frazzled and need some early nights of deep sleep. I have found Dr Christopers Nerve liquid on Amazon really helps me..check it out
.Consider a part-time housekeeper and go away for 3 days minimum...somewhere in nature..ocean, mountains. ..Going away gives distance and therefore perspective.
When you return you will have the answer to what seems so overwhelming at this time.
Bless you for honoring and loving your Mother
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I had to do this. My mother came to live with me and my husband after my step dad died. It was so toxic. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do in life. ( even though she was and still is a very toxic mother ) was to tell my mother she had to move out. I decided one day while ahe was living there that I would rather be dead than live my life like that. It was the hardest but best decision I ever made in my life.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

You don't.

Did she kick you out as a teen when you where doing ALL the things that kept her worrying about you?

IF, you are a Christian you know the answer.

If you are not a Christian -think of all the things your mother did for you. Hug her say I love and keep her close. Soon she will be gone.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
NeedHelpWithMom Jan 2021
Please stop using the Bible to beat others over the head with.

Caregivers can only take so much before it takes a toll on them.

Some caregivers have died before the person that they are caring for.

Everyone has a breaking point! People can love their parents deeply but still burn out.

By the way, you are welcome to volunteer to help these people out if you don’t approve of their choices.

I am sure the caregivers would appreciate your help as a Christian instead of criticizing them!

Awhile back I had a neighbor whose husband left her. She instantly became a single mom to three young children.

A ‘so called Christian neighbor’ a few houses away from the single mom’s home spoke to me to complain that the woman’s lawn was a bit overgrown. I was serving on our HOA board at the time.

He had the gall to send a lawn service to her home to mow her lawn while she was at work and instructed them to leave the bill on her door!

She had no money to pay for this service.

She was working two jobs to support her family and hadn’t had the chance to mow her lawn yet. She could barely pay her babysitter.

He kept going on and on to me about being a Christian, blah, blah, blah. I heard enough!

I told him that he could do the neighborly and Christian thing by lending her a hand by mowing her lawn or pay for the lawn service in her time of need. He shut up! Of course he didn’t offer to do either one of my suggestions.

I spoke to her later and apologized for his behavior, sending a lawn service to her home and told her that the HOA would pay for it.

She was suffering enough without his criticism.

Caregivers are suffering enough without YOUR criticism. Are you a full time caregiver?
(3)
Report
Oh, and don't any of you forget - someday it will be you that they will ask to leave.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter