How do you protect an inheritance?
My father was very purposeful in leaving his sons-in-law out of his will. My husband (with dementia) is super-focused on getting dad's money. My sister and I both chose to move the funds (still in process) from where dad had his investment accounts (not local) to a local financial planner associated with a different investment firm.
It is easy to say that people with dementia don't get to make the decisions but getting that person to realize that is a different story. I felt that going local and entrusting everything to a financial planner would protect the money, but he is demanding that all the money be placed in our savings account rather than remaining in stocks.
Today when we meet with the financial planner again, he is either going to be on the warpath (like he is so far today) or he'll be showtiming. Honestly, I kind of hope he is still on the warpath because someone else needs to see what I live with.
So, beyond using a financial planner, do I also need to get a lawyer in order to protect my inheritance? I'm new to this (have lived at poverty level for the last six years), and I don't understand all the stuff about investments. I want to use dad's money wisely (which is why some of his investments are going to be converted over to things that are more compatible to my faith), but I also am not about to give it all away (which seems to be my husband's plan, and indeed was spoken by him many years ago).
My father saw that my husband was not providing for me and took it upon himself to do so. The financial planner assured me there is more than enough to move into a CCRC, which if you have read my previous posts, is a desire that I've had. Final thing to add is that my husband's heart troubles will probably take him before he needs memory care; dad did not want his money taking care of his son-in-law and I want to do everything I can to keep that from happening.
In case anyone suggests divorce, had my chance for that thirty years ago and chose to "believe for my marriage." I think doing so at this point would actually make it easier for him to get dad's money, so not an option on the table.
You need to know the facts, not guess.
www.Bogleheads.org is a great place to ask these questions.
You say "no, I can't possibly do that" and if he freaks out, you call 911.
Leave your husband home or if he is involved in an Adult Day Program or can otherwise be occupied so you can meet when he has other plans.
Blame it on the Advisor, just tell him that she/he wants to meet with you alone and then they will schedule a meeting with both of you. (therapeutic fib there)
You can play submissive to husband if you want, but you don't have to BE submissive. He doesn't have to know about your private financial affairs. Or maybe you'd want him to. Some husbands are proud of wives who know how to handle their own financial lives. Some husbands are relieved that they don't have to worry so much about taking care of a wife.
On the day that he walks in and says he's leaving you and buying a red Corvette, you'll have the means to provide for your needs. Don't think it could happen to you? Then you've led a sheltered life! Protect yourself.
Certainly not any financial matters now that his dementia will skew his comprehension.
I was raised to look after myself financially. I don't feel I am being dishonest at all by running my own acounts, single as well as jointly. I understand some women may have been taught differently - to share everything once married. Even if that is your view, dementia is a game-changer.
The able-minded person must take control of the household finances.
Teepa Snow says something similar. That the person with clear thinking skills is the *Sapphire*.
The Sapphire needs to use their skills to care, redirect, & protect for the cognitively challenged person (ie person at the other *gem* colour stages).
Protection also includes SELF-protection.
This money needs to be in your name only with someone as beneficiary and you need a solid paper trail to prove this. Inheritance is yours and no one else's until you make it so.
This is your money and does not even need to be used for his care. There is a Medicaid form that can be filled out refusing to pay for his care in an LTC.
I, too, wonder why you take him to meetings when he is disruptive. He probably cannot understand what is going on anyway. And you would probably understand things better if he was not there disturbing things.
Yes!
The OP needs to become independent.
Even with best co-mingling everything is not good idea.
Every modern woman should know or learn about managing money.
You have an inheritance that can give you the freedom you have wanted since 1977.
Why not use that gift your father gave you and give yourself and your son who lives with you a better life away from your abusive and controlling husband?
You have been thinking he is going to die for quite some time now and yet he is still very much alive and still very much controlling.
Stop waiting for him to die and start living your life - your way - on your terms.
He no longer has the power to control you because you are no longer dependent on him financially. Let that sink in. He no longer has any power other than the power you give him.