I just found out my parents' house is filled with trash and mice.
They have a 13 year old dog that does not go outside anymore.
They are sarcastic and mean.
I offered to clean up their house but they refused. They threatened me if I called social services.
Please give me advice. I cannot sleep.
Oh,there have been 7 snakes in a year and a half in the bedrooms and utility room. Help please! I am at my wits end.
Your parents are clearly incompetent if they're living in such hazardous filth and squalor. They need to be removed from the home for their own safety.
Call social services. Your parents will get angry and upset. They will blame you if they're taken out of their home.
You will blame yourself if something bad happens because you didn't call social services to help them and that will be worse than their anger.
Questions for you: Do either have dementia? If not, unfortunately they can live as they plese. But at some point, they will get older and may or maynot become disabled. At that point, you can call someone in or talk to their doctor if that's possible.
If the hoarding is really that bad, the exterminator could call social services. I wish I could help!
On another note, until we got POA for our Dad, his ex-wife (a hoarder) always left his house in a dire mess. Up until that point, you can do what we did...keep a bag or two on you and scoot things into them and take out with you. Invest in a big pocketbook (lol).
Then I tried the sneaking route. And for every old juice jug or expired can of food that was thrown or snuck away from there, more would show or I would get the but I was going to feed the old cans to the dogs. I'm sorry but not even animals want expired food unless left with no choice.
And sorry to say, you clean up, they re-hoard. You clean up, they re-hoard. A losing battle I’m afraid. I also found that a hoarder (my sister in my case) can be very emotional and very confrontational about things right down to outdated food.
So you asked, “How do you help with hoarding?” It may come down to options like trying to get them to agree to outside help (mental help and a cleanup crew other than yourself) or you leave them to their mess and don't visit. Resolve to just phone calls.
That last option didn't work for me. But it's also the big reason my sister and I are estranged. I disliked coming into a dirty, smelly home (parents had no control of their own home) and my sister was content. So after many fights trying to get it done myself (throwing away clutter/expired stuff and heavy-duty cleaning), I finally called APS. Stupid siblings figured sister could do with the home what she wanted and hence the reason I have no dealings with the rest except when necessary.
But joking aside, what did your parents threaten you with when you suggested calling social services? Something worse than watching your parents in a slow motion train crash?
On the other hand, there are limits to what professionally-bound outsiders can achieve if they can't win your parents' permission and co-operation. To begin at the beginning, how did all this come to light and where do you think the problem started?
Hoarding is a mental illness. There is not much to do BESIDES social services. If you " clean it up", they will re-hoard.
Call animal welfare for the dog.
Call your local Area Agency on Aging and listen to their advice.
What exactly did your parents threaten you with, if you called social services?
You might also call your local police department for a wellness check.
Frankly, if your parents are mentally competent, albeit mentally ill, they can live however they like.
they had a huge mice infestation, they hoarded food, when I finally got them near me and cleaned out the house it was disgusting.
hoarding is a mental disorder, it is usually a combination of them to be honest.
unless they get help it is a lost cause. Even if they get help it is very hard for them to change. Don’t lose sleep over this. Try to get people involved, see if your state has a task force. Call animal control, the dog needs to be taken from the home.
I got the pleasure of cleaning out my parents home and it was an absolute nightmare. I feel for you but please remember, it is their choice. I applaud you for caring and trying
Do what you feel you need to do. Once reported and investigated, it will be proven that hoarding is a disease. Then you can go in and clean up. Don't let parents strong arm you. Good luck!
Threatened to do what? Violence? Cutting contact? Cutting you out of the will?
I image all you can do is report to APS as vulnerable adults, no longer able to self care.
If they are deemed capable, there is not much you can do. They are allowed to make their own decisions (good, bad, awful).
Everyone IS deemed capable until proven otherwise.
Often it takes a crises to effect real change.
I took a one-day seminar to understand hoarding behavior better because it affects my family, too. I had some better understanding afterwards but still found there wasn't much I could do except throw bags and bags of things away without my LO seeing it.
Is there a visible hoard on the outside of the house? Code enforcement might intervene at some point. You might drop them an anonymous hint, if you're that concerned and feel you have to do something soon. If there is no access for first responders in case of emergency, I'd call APS anyway, even if that means your parents don't talk to you for awhile. That's what I personally would have to do for my own peace of mind.
If you can afford hoarding intervention professionals -- therapists who specialize in OCD disorders and clean out crews and organizers -- they would be a helpful and neutral third party.
This sounds so unhealthy. Dog doesn't go out? Not good. Mice - OK, I have some mice in my old house. But snakes too? Goodness.
They need mental health assistance. They probably won't cooperate though. Their house should probably be condemned.
You can't clean their house FOR them b/c true hoarders feel that their 'stuff', including garbage, is all valuable and means something to them. It doesn't make sense to US, but it means a lot to THEM.
Your folks would need to agree to have a licensed therapist come into their home to help them with a clean up, which is unlikely. Same thing with hiring an organizer or someone to help them get their 'stuff' in some kind of order. So I think if you speak to a therapist experienced with hoarding, like Geaton suggested, you may get some better pointers than we can give you here.
I'm sorry you're facing such a devastating situation; it's horrible to witness our parents in such decline and be powerless to help them, I know. Wishing you the best of luck with all you have to deal with
GOOD LUCK !
Your best option is to see a therapist who specializes in hoarding disorder and consult with them for how to protect yourself with boundaries, how to not be an enabler to their disorder, and how to interact with them in more peaceful and productive ways.
Your profile says they are only in their mid-50's... I don't think this qualifies them for a call from APS (which will definitely enrage them anyway). Talk to an experienced therapist for your best strategy.