My dad is in a nursing home rehab and we realize that this is the safest place for him with his worsening dementia and poor mobility. With COVID-19, we can’t sit and talk with him. He asks when he can come home each night but he also has Sundowners so he may not remember. My brother thinks if we do explain it we’ll be upsetting him needlessly because he may not remember the next day.
While she was in SNC she kept asking why she was there. I told her the governor had ordered it which seemed to satisfy her. Last week we moved her to a wonderful MC and she asked the same question. This time I told her it was a better place for her and they would take better care of her.
My rule, and I stick by it, is to convey messages that are short, simple, and encourage safety, peace and comfort.
As has been mentioned in this thread, and frequently elsewhere, LO’s who do NOT ask about “going home” are distinctly in the minority. Frequently the request is to return to another time/place/memory rather than the “home” from which LO has just departed.
I think in this situation, “kindest” might be to allow the professional staff to shoulder the burden of communication for the time being. I think your brother is on the right track.
For my mother, reading is still the most important way to communicate with her. She began early stages with short term memory loss and inability to do her finances, cook foods, etc. Anything that requires following instructions, nope. With serious hearing loss (and OP's dad has hearing loss as well), it often comes down to writing something down for her - if what needs to be said is not simple or capable of being "mimed", it would have to be written. I even got a Boogie Board for her, so the staff and I could do this without wasting paper!
She's been in MC over 3.5 years now and the dementia started probably up to 2 years prior to that. She STILL reads (newspaper, magazines and her favorite - sales catalogues!)
Stick with the doc orders that he has to stay and work on increasing strength. With little retention, going on about the virus, if he's even heard of it, just muddies everything. Keep the note(s) simple (same for phone calls - we all know the potential to go home isn't likely, but many of us use this as a way to keep them calm and perhaps focused on "getting better".)
You will have to repeat, another reason to keep the reason simple.
If that isn't possible then you Nd your siblings should allow him to live with you because he deffiently will be sad, depressed, lonely upset and feel unloved and unappreciated.
Not as safe and his life will be shortened.
Put yourself in his shoes, what would you want?
Sure it's inconvenience.....it was costly and inconvenient when you were born but you were loved and taken care of for 18 yrs.
It's time to do the same for Dad.
Matbe each sibling can share and have Dad live with them a few months out of each year or maybe everyone could chip in alomg with Dad's money and hire a Caregiver so he can stay in his own home.
Or, hire a LIVE IN which would be 1/3 the cost as 24 7 Care. Prayers ya'll make the best and right decision for your Dad.
Prayers
Only until they clean up their act. Wait until people are able to get the vaccine and they can prove that they are safe for your loved one to come in to make sure they are following protocol. Remember over 6,000 seniors contracted the virus and died it was just terrible for ours loved one's and their families
Use the resources at the facility. They'll help you with the conversation and will likely tell you that after a week or so of being told he is home now he'll stop asking.
When we moved my mother to MC, she asked my YB to take her back to her condo every time he was there for a visit. This went on for NINE months. At that point, she forgot the condo, but then wanted to be dropped off at her mother's (gone 40+ years) and also asked if I had a key to their previous house, sold over 25 years ago! I don't know when she actually stopped asking about any of these, but from the mother queries and one sister plus comments, I know she is living her life in that 40+ years ago range. She's been there over 3.5 years now, and it has been a while since she's asked about any other "home".