Mom is 87 and has survived thyroid cancer. Although they saw something in her lungs before. It seemed to be a "scar." Long story short, last CT scan shows that she has stage 4 lung cancer. It kills me to have to deliver the bad news. She seems to be in good spirits and talks about traveling in the future, etc. Never had to deliver news to a parent before that they are slowly dying. I will ask her, but I know she doesn't want treatment. Doctor said would only add a few months... not really a good option. I keep thinking of all the different scenarios of how this will turn out. My sister and I decided to wait till after Christmas. That's all I've been thinking about since we heard the news 3 weeks ago. Any suggestions on how to go about this? I think we might need to give her Xanax when we tell her the news. Has anybody ever had something prescribed to their parent for devastating news such as this? My mother is a very emotional person like myself. I have a pretty good idea on how she's going to react.. She possibly could go into full denial about this as well.
That's how it went with my dad. He had NO idea he had cancer, and I went with him to his appointment to hear the results of an MRI from his doctor. He walked in and said, "Well, I'm sorry to say you have inoperable cancer in your liver. I'm afraid anything we could do for a younger person would kill you."
He then left us alone to process that for a few minutes, then he came back and answered Dad's questions. He sent Dad off to get an unnecessary X-ray so he could tell me that he had about a month, and that was that. We never saw the doctor again.
Your mom deserves to have her doctor tell her and to be there to answer her questions. You aren't qualified to answer them, and he should be there to do it.
The only thing you can do is let her cry, tell her that you will be there for her, and tell her that you will follow her directions, be certain she is medicated to keep her comfortable, get hospice care for her. You will have support of nursing, social workers and clergy if you wish it.
I am so dreadfully sorry. There is no happy way to receive this news. No matter how much drugging you do.
The doctors delivering this news will help with the denial but YOU must make it clear to him you believe she will go into denial so that he is HONEST. There is no good way for bad news. When I had breast cancer and said to my doctor "What do you think it is" He said "An occult breast cancer though it could be lymphoma". When I said "I never get sick; what can it be that is GOOD" he said "Cat scratch fever, but I don't think so". I could laugh about it later, but at the time it was shocking and brutal. There is no good way to hear very bad news. I just am so sorry.
As to the final way she reacts, that is something you have little control of. After getting the truth, you can live with how she chooses to handle it. If she never does accept it, then know that is one way to handle it and allow her the dignity of her reaction.