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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I am dealing with many of the same issues and while my Mom has not been formally diagnosed with a mental health issue, I strongly suspect one. The hardest part for me is to be the focus of her ire/rage/anger/verbal abuse - even if I leave the room or the house for a bit she will follow me or call me - it is non-stop.
What I have taken to doing is getting in my car and going out with my dog and turning off the phone, at times, returning until it is very late in the hope of re-charging my batteries and my mom being asleep (but she will stay up until I return and make sure to punish me for whatever slight she feels I have committed).
Like you, I have fibro, which has worsened and it was a "call to arms" to take care of just not my physical health but my mental and emotional health as well. I found this website by chance (and desperation) and plan on joining a support group for I fear if I let the resentment I have towards my mother fester that I will become bitter (since becoming my mother's caregiver my "joie de vivre" is disappearing quickly) and my children deserve better. And we do to. We owe it to ourselves and our families.
Sufferme- I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I understand, completely. When mom gets ticked and starts shooting venom at me.... I quietly leave the room. And come back in a few minutes. It is hard to hear, and I try to tell myself that this is the disease. This isn't my mother speaking. It doesn't always work, but I try! If I attempt to be the adult and ask what is wrong/what did I do wrong? it seems to make it worse.
I don't understand why I am the target, but, in reflecting on that.... I represent everything she has lost. Things she used to be able to do and take care of. So I can see that would cause resentment.
After reading about a study on benadryl.... I researched whether she could take benadryl /diphenhydramine (no interactions with any of her current meds) and if it would help. I currently give her a kids benadryl every afternoon. To help with sundowning and to help her be more compliant and easier to deal with. For the really, really, REALLY bad days she gets a whole adult capsule. Which knocks her out but that is to be preferred over constant nastiness and brawling. I rarely do that, but if it is needed I do. A few times she asked me what it was for and I replied.... Allergies!! They are terrible right now!
Keep hanging in there, I hope this helps. Sparkles
Sufferme, has your Mother been tested recently for a Urinary Tract Infection? Such an infection can cause someone in their 90's to attack and name call. Antibiotics will help with the infection.
I see from your profile that your Mom has Alzheimer's/Dementia, so if this isn't a case of UTI, then it is probably a stage of Alzheimer's/Dementia.
If at all possible, and I know this isn't easy, try to ignore what your Mom is saying. Or you can just agree with her, reverse psychology, which she may or may not understand, but it would make you feel better. I've seen very experienced professional caregivers do this, "you're right, Miss Sally, I don't know what I am doing".
I think Mom maybe showing signs of Dementia. COPD could cause this because she isn't getting enough oxygen. Is she on oxygen.
Her fibro is probably causing pain. Anger can be caused by the pain and not being able to breathe. Probably tired too. Like said call your local O of A. If Mom receives Medicaid for health insurance she may be able to get some help there.
My father said the most horrible, disgusting things to me, his only daughter(who was taking care of him)in the 10 years I took care of him, while he sung the praises of his son who did nothing for him and barely visited. I would try to remind myself that his disease(dementia/alzheimers) was talking, but it wasnt easy especially since he never said a bad word to my brother, My dad passed two years ago now. I miss him alot, but I miss the dad that took care of me, and cared about me. I still hurt from the things he said to me. Just try to remember the mom that loved you, cared for you and worried about you. I would walk away when he started on one of his "rants" into how horrible I was, and when I would go back later (10 min- 15 min) he would usually be in a different frame of mind and forgotten the whole incident.. Try to get help, take care of yourself, and remember the good times. Go in the other room when needed. Remind yourself that the disease is talking.
Have you called your local area on aging? It may be called counsel on aging or something else. Google senior services for your county, you will find them. They will be able to help you find what resources are available for you and mom.
Hugs, I hope you feel better and find a solution to give you a break.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I am dealing with many of the same issues and while my Mom has not been formally diagnosed with a mental health issue, I strongly suspect one. The hardest part for me is to be the focus of her ire/rage/anger/verbal abuse - even if I leave the room or the house for a bit she will follow me or call me - it is non-stop.
What I have taken to doing is getting in my car and going out with my dog and turning off the phone, at times, returning until it is very late in the hope of re-charging my batteries and my mom being asleep (but she will stay up until I return and make sure to punish me for whatever slight she feels I have committed).
Like you, I have fibro, which has worsened and it was a "call to arms" to take care of just not my physical health but my mental and emotional health as well. I found this website by chance (and desperation) and plan on joining a support group for I fear if I let the resentment I have towards my mother fester that I will become bitter (since becoming my mother's caregiver my "joie de vivre" is disappearing quickly) and my children deserve better. And we do to. We owe it to ourselves and our families.
Blessings,
Broken Daughter
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I understand, completely. When mom gets ticked and starts shooting venom at me.... I quietly leave the room. And come back in a few minutes. It is hard to hear, and I try to tell myself that this is the disease. This isn't my mother speaking. It doesn't always work, but I try! If I attempt to be the adult and ask what is wrong/what did I do wrong? it seems to make it worse.
I don't understand why I am the target, but, in reflecting on that.... I represent everything she has lost. Things she used to be able to do and take care of. So I can see that would cause resentment.
After reading about a study on benadryl.... I researched whether she could take benadryl /diphenhydramine (no interactions with any of her current meds) and if it would help. I currently give her a kids benadryl every afternoon. To help with sundowning and to help her be more compliant and easier to deal with. For the really, really, REALLY bad days she gets a whole adult capsule. Which knocks her out but that is to be preferred over constant nastiness and brawling. I rarely do that, but if it is needed I do. A few times she asked me what it was for and I replied.... Allergies!! They are terrible right now!
Keep hanging in there, I hope this helps.
Sparkles
I see from your profile that your Mom has Alzheimer's/Dementia, so if this isn't a case of UTI, then it is probably a stage of Alzheimer's/Dementia.
If at all possible, and I know this isn't easy, try to ignore what your Mom is saying. Or you can just agree with her, reverse psychology, which she may or may not understand, but it would make you feel better. I've seen very experienced professional caregivers do this, "you're right, Miss Sally, I don't know what I am doing".
Her fibro is probably causing pain. Anger can be caused by the pain and not being able to breathe. Probably tired too. Like said call your local O of A. If Mom receives Medicaid for health insurance she may be able to get some help there.
Hugs, I hope you feel better and find a solution to give you a break.