My mother is in her early 60s and has had heart problems (tia) for many years. For awhile she was good at seeing her doctor but has been going less and less. She lives with me and is dealing with a very low pulse (49). She tells me she has to do jumping Jack's to increase it. I asked her to see the doctor and she said that she has a appointment in 6 weeks and will be okay. Now 2 days be fore the appointment she cancelled it, saying that she is fine now. I try explaining how much she needs to go and she gets defensive. So I push the issue harder. And she retaliates by saying I'm such a "disrespectful daughter and she would NEVER talk to her mother like I do" she also stated that my nagging will cause her health problems. I have 3 brothers but I'm the main caregiver. They are very standoffish about her health so I am the one who is present when my mom has a sky high BP and is bleeding through the nose and being rushed to the hospital. I'm the one who Crystal seeing my mom in a emergency room. I miss work when she's in the hospital. Ots hard to hear your mother call you disrespectful for trying to push her to get care because YOU KNOW the seriousness of her condition. I'm at a loss. I highly doubt she will reschedule her appointment. Historically she stop seeing doctors and then eventually has a emergency that I'll have to whiteness. How do I cope with a mother who ignores ur pleas for her to see a doctor??? Emotionally I'm drained
The bradycardia/hypertension makes me think that your mother might need a pacemaker. Research in older people has shown that increasing the heart rate can help with perfusion of the brain with blood, so blood pressure decreases. When the heart rate is too low, the brain can signal for an increase in bp so it can get enough blood. So yes, yes, your mother needs to go to a good cardiologist to see if this would help. It could save her years of misery and a lot of wear and tear on her heart and arteries caused by the hypertension. (I am not a doctor, so what I suggest could be wrong may not be right. But a doctor may be able to save her life and prevent a stroke.)
How you get her to go to a doctor is the hard part. Our parents can be so bullheaded. Sometimes mothers will listen better to sons. Do you have a brother who can tell her she has to go? Keep on after her until you get her in to see a good cardiologist.
My mother has bradycardia/hypertension. Her doctor used to tell her she had the heart of a teenager, so she thinks the bradycardia is actually good. She's 89 now so I don't think we would want to go the pacemaker route, but I wonder if her life could have been better if someone had done something to increase her pulse, instead of giving her stronger and stronger bp medications.
Your mom sounds a lot like my cousin. Dementia is not just memory problems. It's using poor judgment too. My cousin would refuse to use her cane, fall, fracture foot and then I would have to move in with her and take time from my job (I'm self employed) to provide her personal care and run her household. She DID NOT care that it was very inconvenient for me. EVEN SO, she still would refuse to use her cane and would walk on hilly and rough ground outside. She refused to see a doctor too. EVENTUALLY, she was diagnosed with dementia. So, I would keep an eye on your mom. It manifests itself in different ways. It could be in the works.
I would try to work on not stressing yourself out and feeling guilty. I was not brought up to feel guilty, unless I did something wrong. When I'm bending over backwards to help someone and they act like a jerk, then they are the ones who need to feel bad....NOT me. lol
I think you need to get inside her head. Something is not right. Don't allow her to blame you. That's absurd. I'm not sure what it is, but she's blaming you and saying you are disrespectful out of some defense mechanism. I wouldn't let her push my buttons. You have the upper hand. Figure out how and do what you think is right. Then have peace with it. A counselor might help.
I know I wouldn't expose my kids to the drama of a grandparent who is disrupting the home because she's bullheaded and reckless with her healthcare.
You can just tell her your feelings and that she needs to find other housing and why. Tell her you want to retain your good relationship with her and having to hound her about her health problems is not working out. She can figure out where to move. AND
I might examine other areas of her life to see if she thinking clearly. Is something wrong with her judgment? Does she have dementia? You can get it when young. My cousin got it in her 60's and she refused to see a doctor too. If she has had a stroke or if her thinking is impaired, then you may consider moving forward with becoming her guardian if your can prove she's incompetent. I'd think twice, since it seems like a huge and trying job.
Has she appointed someone as her Durable Power of Attorney and Healthcare POA?
This might be bad advice, or advice you don't want to take - but what you are doing isn't working for you. Your mom is taking "responsibility" for herself - let her.
Be loving, but don't let her problems take over YOU.