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The only thing you can do is leave, and make him take care of them.
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Thank you for all of the great perspectives and advice. I will say posting this allowed me many different views, which is appreciated. I have stepped back enough to realize a few things. First and foremost, it is never in anyones best interest to say, "F you" to me or anyone else. So we have dealt with that, or at least begun to. I have determined that I cannot be at my in laws beck and call. That is not good for me or them, as many of you pointed out. I am absolutely not from a subservient culture, I'm from the midwest, and lived for a while in California. I did have a very lucrative career, which I gave up (by choice) to be home with my children. I do enjoy caring for people and making a nice home. I really do, however, when that is not appreciated, I choose to make a nice moment, day, week, whatever I need to, for myself. So I did have a discussion with my husband, who is taking on a lot more tasks now, because of this outburst. I don't think that this is at all finished. His outburst and anger were so out of character, I'm wondering if, as some of you said, it is hard for him to see his parents aging and feeling troubled. This by no means makes his reaction acceptable. And I will still move forward with that reaction, meaning allowing more to fall on his shoulders. He is a very hard worker, and typically and great husband. Again, that is why this was so confusing to me. I have spent the week letting this situation settle in my mind, and have come to the conclusion that right now, I am stepping back to what I am OK doing. I will not go above and beyond what I feel like doing at any given moment. And if he speaks to me that way again, I will be out of here and on a plane to somewhere beautiful ASAP. That is my conclusion. Based on his typically lovely behavior, I will not hit the road based on that one incident. But he is aware that if it happens again, I'm on vacation. So at this point the ball is in his court. If he wants them here, he will have to step up and show me that he understands an appreciates my choice to help his family out this way. (Not being a martyr, or saint. It is something I typically enjoy, but not when I'm treated like its expected.)
Thanks again for the input. (smiley face)
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PandabearAUS Feb 2021
Good thinking. Maybe he doesn’t really want them there at all. Do you really want them there? you have settled lives. Is it possible to build a granny flat or extension. Everyone needs their own space. Stick to you guns. Your husband must step up
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So, I find that many of you are correct. It only gets worse. They depend on me for everything. Mostly my mother-in-law. Everything is urgent and a catastrophe. They keep saying they need to go back to Florida, which I am very happy about, to be honest. I know they will not be able to care for themselves, but they have the money for an assisted living facility. My father in law refuses to entertain that idea. So, I will not be miserable just to make them comfortable. That is my bottom line. I'm venting. I am a person who requires a lot of alone time, and my mother in law freaked out because I lock my door to our bedroom area. We have a master bedroom/bath area with a room that is just mine. NO ONE is allowed in, and we designed our house with that purpose. She insists that I leave the door unlocked, which of course I will not. It makes me feel so violated and disrespected to have people in my home who think they can tell me the rules.. I have not given in to anything, and I will not. But their lack of respect has my skin crawling and I want to flee. I hope that my insistence that they follow MY rules gets old for them. My husband told me tonight that I have to keep reinforcing the rules, but I just want to lock my door and say 'screw it'. But that means I will be shut up and they will have the run of the house. I do find, however, that they retreat to their room when I am locked away, then when I go out to enjoy my house they rush out. Again, I'm venting. I really just want my house back. We just moved in last May. We are in such a peaceful setting, but I am miserable. I do empathize with my husband, he loves his parents and wants them safe and comfortable (with me cooking dinner every fucking night.) So I told him tonight that I give it a month and if they are still here, we are hiring people to do everything. Driving them around for doctors, groceries, etc. I will not be responsible for entertaining them. And yes, they have another son and three daughters. And they are at my house sucking the life out of me. I did offer to give it a try. And I think that is very generous of me. But I had no idea of their decline, and the fact that my mother in law would demand my attention all of the time. It is a good thing I stopped drinking, because I'd have a stockpile in my room if I still drank. I don't know how else to explain how this all makes me feel except that I am uncomfortable in my house every day, all day long. F@#$
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Frustrated, it’s great that you are finding ways to stand up for yourself. It could be even better if you could find ways to make your parents in law uncomfortable. The sooner they choose to leave, the better for all of you. DH wants them to be cared for, but what jobs could they do to help?

1) Is your MIL incapable of cooking anything, or organising clearing up the kitchen? You shouldn’t have to cook a ‘wonderful’ meal every night. What could they prepare themselves for all of you?
2) Could you and DH eat separately, at least once a week? Cook your wonderful meal with candle light etc for you and DH, but served separately – in your own area, or at a different time. Cook a very simple meal (eg pasta with tomato sauce) for parents in law. Boring!
3) Could you and DH eat out regularly, without them always coming along? You deserve it!
4) What else could they do – could FIL rake up leaves (or shovel snow), clean your car, mop the laundry floor.
5) Could MIL organise the washing? Or any other tasks?

All of these things are reasonable ways for them to contribute, and for you and DH to get your own married life back together, without passengers. If the parents don’t like it, THAT isn’t reasonable, and may encourage them to get back to Florida. Caring doesn’t mean abandoning your own lives in order to make them as comfortable as possible. Good luck!
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frustrated45 Mar 2021
Thank you for your ideas and compassion Margaret,

I have given them tasks, which rarely get done. I will say that I am a bit impatient with allowing this to happen. My mother in law is to dust the floor every day (we have two dogs and as such, constant fur to deal with). She insists on simply picking the fur off of the disposable cloth and reusing it over and over, which becomes inefficient and
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