I believe grief drove my mother into depression that exacerbated the onset of dementia. She has lost over 70lbs, will only eat yogurt, lays on the couch all day, no self care, refused to leave the house, has become aggressive with me, her memory is exponentially worse, she believes people are out to get her, she says horrible things about herself, It can take hours to get her to pay just a fraction of her bills, she is not the person I know, I have tried calling agencies and am getting nowhere. If she were a child I could take her to the doctors against her will. As an adult it would be considered abuse because it would be against her will kicking and screaming. She feels I am "in on it and "know what going on around here". She is 76 and worked up until this all started, the death of her close sister and of my brother. in less than 1 year she has become this person who needs help to care for herself. I have been with her for 6 months and have not made any progress and gained no resources for assistance. I have asked her for power of attorney to assist her in bill payment and food shopping. She forgets passwords ever when she saves them in her password keeper. She is suspicious of everyone. It's a very long story best told by mouth than on paper but ultimately I don't know what to do. I want her to live with me. I am from out of state and have left my family. I can't stay here forever. I need her to live with me or things set up so she can live at home with aids and etc but I can't get anything in place with none of her information, no legal control, hipaa laws. Had anyone been in my shoes? What did you do? What do I do?
Look at how stressed you are now -- do you have any idea what it would be like if she moved in? Why would you put your family through that? Why would you put yourself through that?
It sounds like your mother needs to be in a facility.
And if you have "left the family" and your mom doesn't trust you, this won't happen.
Speaking of having left the family: who is there with Mom and do they agree with you?
Is the family united that this is looking like dementia? Because from your description it could as easily be mental illness or deep depression brought on by grief.
From your post I think your mom has made it clear she doesn't want your help. You have also told us you don't live there and there is other family there. Are they more familiar with mom and what do they think?
You don't say what agencies you have tried. Have you asked APS for a wellness check telling them your mom seems in danger to you? Asking for an assessment?
Have you asked her doctor how best to proceed?
And again, have you discussed with your family.
Long and short of what you need to know is that the courts of our land will NOT take a citizen's rights from him or her without solid reason this must be done for his or her own safety. That means you would need full physical and neurological workup to present to the courts, and if your mom wished her own attorney to fight your asking for conservatorship, that would be provided to her and she would likely win after you paid your lawyer a minimum of 10,000.00. It isn't against the laws of the land to be depressed and angry and slow to pay bills.
So basically, on the basis only of what you have told us, no wandering, no getting lost out there and family being contacted by police, no setting house on fire with stove, you don't have anything solid to present to MDs or to courts.
Why in the WORLD you would want to move a demented senior who is paranoid about you into your own home a world away from her home and family? That makes me question your foundation in a way to approach and intent to proceed. Have you any idea at all what this would require of you?
Before you leave to go back home speak with the family who is there about ways they can check up on your mom. Form a good phone tree to speak with them. Keep checking in with them.
Best of luck.
You have moved away from your home to take care of her? And she's not responding?
Do you have sibs who are supportive or are you all alone in this?
Since she's not respecting YOU, maybe you might as well set up in home CG for her and go back home, keeping in touch with the CG's.
Call a CG agency and get more info. You can probably do more than you think.
In the meantime--good luck. This is no darn fun, is it?