I am a private HHA and she basically is just a companionship case, but I clean everything including ripping apart closets and deep cleaning. She scolds me on everything I do and makes me feel like an incompetent fool. I’m going home crying and taking it out on my fiancé. I absolutely love caregiving and I’m great at it, but didn’t sign up for emotional abuse.
Quit right away or start billing her accordingly which should lead to you being fired.
Best of luck
Here's what ur duties are in PA
"Supports patients by providing housekeeping and laundry services, shopping for food and other household requirements, preparing and serving meals and snacks, and running errands. Assists patients by providing personal services, such as, bathing, dressing, and grooming."
Housekeeping does not mean heavy cleaning.
If, however, this is basically an "easy" job in which you are paying to be a companion and a whipping post, then do the job and go home at quitting job with your pockets full of money.
You can also demand a raise that will make it worth it or quit.
I don't see the problem here; that is to say this would be an easy decision for me. I would level with the person:
A) I want a raise. This is my new hourly wage. If not I give you one month notice.
B) I expect there to be limits on your verbal abuse. For a month I will merely respond that you are overstepping your limits. At the end of that month I will give you notice, and you will be paying to abuse someone else.
People like this have no respect whatsoever for people without a backbone. They are basically schoolyard bullies who pick on the weak.
I wish you luck.
What if the tables were turned and instead she was using racial slurs or derogatory insults or being otherwise verbally abusive in some other way? Would that make a difference? If she wasn't directly insulting your work and making you feel bad about the way you do your work but was instead directly insulting something about you as a person? Or this was a male client and they were sexually harassing you? Or even a female client sexually harassing you? Would the type of behavior or the type of insults make a difference? Meaning - things that in most workplaces employees are protected from and are grounds for reporting to HR.
My point being - some people think they can get away with their behavior because they get away with their behavior all the time. And unfortunately those same people are rarely called out or even educated that they should not behave that way. Additionally - you don't deserve to be treated that way. It doesn't matter if she is wealthy. It doesn't matter if you work for her. It doesn't matter - none of that does.
What matters is that you have a working agreement. And that means that you should be be treating each other with respect and dignity. It sounds to me as if you are actually doing tasks that are outside of your job description anyway. I would be looking for another position. And in the meantime - I would respectfully say to her "I don't appreciate the way you are speaking to me. I'm going to walk away and when you are prepared to talk to me as your companion we can try this again".
Whoa! My memory goes straight to Mayella Ewell asking Tom Robinson to "come in and bust up that chifferobe" in To Kill a Mocking Bird.
I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years. There were many abusive clients (and their families) in that time. I would not hesitate to put a client like yours promptly in her place.
You NEVER tolerate ANY form of abuse from a client or their family. It doesn't matter what they're paying you. This means "scolding" you like you're a child or knit-picking. It's also time to renegotiate what your job and pay is. If you were hired to be only a companion you do not clean or do chore duty. You do companionship.
Go to work. Do not clean anything or do any domestic work until your job duties and pay has been renegotiated.
If the client starts up in any way with you, look her in the eyes and speak loud and plainly. Tell her you will not tolerate her abusive behavior. That you are an adult and she will damn well treat you with respect. Make sure she knows that if you leave her service, you will never come back or even speak to her again.
Then go to the kitchen, make yourself a cup of coffee, and sit on down. Let her fume and scream for a while. Ignore her. After you've finished your coffee ask her if she's done having a tantrum like a spoiled little brat because they two of you need to talk.
I've had to do exactly this more than a few times with clients like this. I've left positions too and you may have to also.
I made one exception in 25 years after leaving a client's service. If you're planning on staying in this line of work, you're going to have to toughen up. You may love caregiving, but it comes with all kinds of abuse. You must learn how not to tolerate abusive behavior.
I'll let you in on the most important rule a caregiver must keep.
You (the caregiver) must be in control of every situation. In control of yourself and the client. When a tantrum is starting, or a fight being picked, or the client is in the mood to lash out, you have to shut that down. Walk away if you have to.
I had a lot of verbal abuse and bullying, when I was younger. It made me feel worthless.
I'm going to tell you what my husband told me early in our relationship.
You are a rare woman wirh a value high above rubies.
So are you. Have that fiance of yours get you a nice ruby so you'll be reminded.
Never let anyone berate and bully you.
She is a toxic person, that is the bottom line.
If she was not, would you take this attitude?
It's ok to state what your job is & what it is not. To state what you require in terms of manners in order to have a good working condition too.
Your client may be testing you out. Seeing how far she can go. When you stand up for yourself, she will probably smile, nod & you will have gained her respect.
Or maybe she is bored, depressed, in pain. Whatever her reason, you can ask for a better deal. If she declines to change, you can, by looking for a new job.
Think of this as a test. In the caring line of work there will be many difficult personalities. It takes time & practice to build your toolbox of skills to deal with them. I find honesty & humour help a lot. Good luck!
No price can be put on a person's dignity and self-respect.