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This site is a place for help for those caregiving. TTT9 came on here asking for advice. If you really read her post Twice, then did you notice that she is only age 29? When I found this site, I thought I was young - age 46 - compared to most of the posters here- over 50. This young lady is just beginning her life. She must have dreams and now she's stuck with grandmother.

Ungrateful, user? Where in her post shows this? She stayed a year ago to help GM. After GM's surgery, she did the 24/7 caring for her. When GM fell, she had to pick her up all by herself. Do you know how difficult it is to lift an adult person off the floor? My father fell several times. In the end, I had to drag the single sofa to him so that he can pull himself off the floor. TTT9 is Only 29 years old and GM's children fled their responsibilities to their very own mother. TTT9 has no POA or Anything to help with GM's situation. And why on earth would GM listen to her? TTT9 is ONLY her grandchild. My father wouldn't even listen to me - his own daughter. So, I can see where TTT9 is at. I don't see her as taking advantage of GM. I think ALL of them are the ones taking advantage of TTT9.

TTT9, you are way too young to be caregiving GM alone. You're working now. In your spare time, start looking for a decent place to stay. Even if it means approaching the federal govt to help you find a temporary place to stay in which you will help supplement with your income.

In the meantime, please start calling around like the APS (adult protective service) and ask if they have brochures or a site to help you with GM. Also call the Aging Care in your area. Look in the phone book and call around. Start by educating yourself with caregiving and how to respond to those who have dementia. Your GM definitely sounds a lot like those who is going down the senile lane. Please watch the Teepa Snow videos. Know what you are doing is making the situation worse. As GM's main caregiver - you will always be the bad guy. Time to educate yourself and Plan goals : save $, use GM's money for ALL her expenses, find a decent place to move in to, find how GM is to live by herself (hence the Aging Care and APS), etc... GM will eventually need 24/7 help that requires more than just one person. We all feel guilty but remember, GM has children. They should be the one shouldering this responsibility. Because eventually, you might end up doing this with your own parents.

Not everyone here believes that you are ungrateful. I can see from your post that you are doing your darn best and everyone in the family has disappointed you. They abandoned you. And deep inside, you have learned where you stand from everyone - even your own parents. So sorry... ufortunately, that's nothing new. Most of us have been abandoned to caregive with no help from others. You take care, and start strategizing. {{ hugs }}
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And what I read is that she moved in, due to circumstances, and stayed DESPITE her grandmother's conditions, without further assistance from the family. A desperate cry for help. When you've completely run out of energy and vitality and see no resources in sight, who even has the thought process to be grateful for much of anything. Especially when the rest of the 'family' chooses to ignore it.
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I have never been nasy to a caregiver's plight on this site. On the contrary I have always been 100% supportive. I read the post twice and all I can understand is that this person moved in with their grandmother because they had no where else to go and as soon as this person can, will leave. Not one word about being thankful for a temprary place to stay, just complaints. Yes caregiving is extremely difficult, but it was a choice this person made so they could have a place to stay. Grandma is nothing more than a nuisance to a temporary living solution and will be abandoned as soon as this person can conveniently leave. This person wants to move out , but can't due to finances. Who is taking of advantage of who? It is very hard to sympathise with a person whose only reason for caregiving is for a temporary place to stay and then leave as soon as it is convenient for them. Grandma is only a temporary means to an end. Nice way to regard a human being!
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I completely agree with PS and Jeanne, DMV - as a favor to the community, job, notify family, and immediate exit plan.
Do this for yourself and grandma, try as you have, and without appointing blame, if she is falling all the time, this is not a safe environment for her. A single caregiver is not enough, the family needs to figure this out. Falling all the time is not acceptable.

You do need to move out, as long as you live there the family will expect you to have the lead role in caregiving, if that is not the role your are comfortable with, you should get your own place, that puts you on equal footing with the other grandchildren and your parents and aunts also need to step up. Do give them a heads up.
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Dear 'talk' --- There is a form of dementia associated with Parkinson's. It is called Lewy body dementia. Do an internet search and see if some of your grandmother's actions are listed as symptoms. If so, it's time for a doctor's appointment. And, yes, it is REALLY time for more help in home or in facility. AND this help needs to be provided by your Dad and Aunt. Line up your options and get moving. As for a therapist, there are groups that do sliding scale fees, find one. And sign up for health insurance as of the start of the new year. Mental health is included in all of the new coverages. Keep us posted.
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If family are coming there on Thanksgiving then pack your bags tell them Gram is their responsibility and keep walking!
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In your case, if you are financially strong, you might look at options like an assisted living facility for your grandma.
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Debralee, no need to get nasty. We all know caregiving is soul-destroying.

Talk that talk, Vent all you want. We understand.

Make specific plans about how you will get out. Every day, take a step toward freedom. Put a dollar in the piggy bank. Look for a better job.

If she is falling all the time, she should be reported to Adult Protective services or social services as a person in need of care. Her situation is not safe, and it shouldn't be up to you to solve the problem with no help from the family.
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wow, debralee .. really?

Let's take a look at this from a realistic standpoint. Gramma provided a place to live. Let's assign that $2000 a month for room and board. Now .. let's see .. 20 to 22 hours a day, seven days a week. Being generous and rounding it out, that's about $3.50 an hour. Hmm .. I guess Talk should be grateful, huh?

*shuts up before she growls worse*
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Find a job. Any job. You can work on upgrading later.

Find an apartment. Even a room in a boarding house.

Give notice. Move out.

Explain what you are willing/able to do to help with Gramma. One weekend a month? Help her get dressed and settled before you leave for work each day? Set up her medicines? Helping out is appropriate. Taking on the full responsibility is not.

Stop letting family take shameless advantage of you.
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You moved in after losing your job! Wasn't it wonderful grandma had a place for you to go to. Yes, caregiving is stressful, but if so bad for you why are you waiting until you are almost there? Sounds like your grandmother was doing fine when you moved in then her health declined and all of a sudden things changed to your detriment. Your grandmother took you in and because things didn't go the way you anticipated you complain about taken advantage of. My advice, find another place to live that is more suitable to your needs and let grandma's needs be left to those who are more grateful for the things she has done for them!
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Save yourself and get out. Notify the DMV and fill out the bad driver report, you will save someone else's life too. "Be strong" is a cop out for the absent people who refuse to help you. You are fading in strength and you know it, save your own life first. If you do not survive, you can't save anyone else either.
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Amen, TalkThatTalk. All I could think is what could your family be dreaming to put a young person in a situation like this. My only advice is to look for a job and make arrangements to get out of that situation. It sounds like your family is taking advantage of your misfortune. Shame on them! You are too young to be going through what you are. You still have a life to build. We are with you. I hope you can find the perfect job.
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