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I'm late to this party but I didn't see anything indicating you were ungrateful either. I see a tired stressed good-hearted young woman who is doing the best she can for an ungrateful person. I'm no doctor but it sounds like your GM may have some form of dementia. I don't know what it would take to get her diagnosed because our situations are completely different. It doesn't sound like her doctor is going to be much help. He really doesn't sound like a good doctor to me. I guess the only thing you could do is call APS and let them know of the situation. Maybe they'll have some suggestions. She needs to see a neurologist to be evaluated but she more than likely won't cooperate. I didn't have that problem with my MIL so I really don't know what advice to give as far as that goes. She got her keys taken away from her by my nephew 8 months ago. She almost ran 3 or 4 people off the road and got the cops called on her. Either she or the cop called my nephew and he went to get her, taking her keys away. He told her no more driving, end of story. She still managed to get someone to take her to get her license renewed though. But still no driving. I don't know that that approach would work with your GM.
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TalkThatTalk, no need to apologize. Debralee is a good person, but I think she got up on the wrong side that morning. Usually she would be among the first to sympathize with your predicament. Must have been one of her bad days -- I have those, too, unfortunately.

You actually sound like you are doing pretty good. I like that you are not stuck at all. Your work and plans to move show you are planning for the future. I get the feeling now that you are just worried and venting. It sounds like you are doing everything right that you can. Your grandma's children just need to get more involved in doing things like making sure she is not driving.

I am hoping we hear some happy news in the future, maybe with your boyfriend. You have earned a good life of your own.
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Something to consider with your GMs doctor:

"Doc, I know gramma said don't talk to anyone. And I know you have to follow the HIPAA rules. But that shouldn't stop you from *hearing* about the stuff that's going on .... from someone who's been living with her these last years. My only concern is for her health and well being, and I know that's your first concern, right?"

Put HIM on the spot.
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LadeeC took the words right out of my mouth.
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Jinx .. GMTA
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I suggest you go to your community senior center and request to speak to a social worker or program manager. They can give you lots of guidance, help and assistance. I joined a caregiver group because I ran out of solutions to my mother's problem too. It was worth it seeking out help from the outside rather than from my siblings. Wish you the best.
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Talkthattalk9, I'm listening to you, God Bless you young women for all you are doing for your Gram. We all understand your frustration as it is our frustration. You really find out what your family is made of when it comes to crisis like this, friends too, for that matter. People say one thing and do another don't they when it all boils down to reality. I have two parents with dementia messing court situation and no one to help me either. The man I was seeing walked out on me in the middle of all of this and I lost my job for going back to care for my folks. They're both in a nursing home right now. I'm so depressed my friends really don't want to hear from me, OH did I say friends hummmm. There you go the people that stick beside you in the tough times like this they're true, hold on to them. Those that don't let them go and move on. I know this is horrible for you living this way without any help, you can't make people do what's right if they don't want to found that out. I'm an only child, no one else wants to straighten out this mess so it's just me and it's on going. If you think it could help call a crisis line, get back on the board post as much as you need too. You are being heard you're not alone in this and we who are living what you're living we care! God Bless you, seek as much peace for yourself as you possibly can. All the things you described with our Grammy sound just like my father who suffers with dementia.
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Please forgive me for being so crude, but I'm sure most of the relatives assume that since you were unemployed and technically homeless, caring for Grandma is your job and you should feel blessed a few minions of that Purgatory took you in.

Try to carve out some time to contact women's shelters that can connect you with employment. It's going to be hard because you're not an alcohol and/or drug addict. But you're a survivor; and like a cat, you'll land on your feet anywhere you go.

You're the master of your own destiny. Regain your independence if you don't want to remain shackled and treated like a doormat.
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I live with my dad and my family thinks I'm the mooch too... so I can sympathize with you on that. The driving gotcha there too... Dad totaled 3 cars. No where in the constitution does it say she has the inalienable right to drive... take the keys. I did and it was horrible!! he wandered thehouse and broke the handle off the car door trying to get in it. he called the police and I was validated when the police said he shouldn't be driving. Now the car is moved where he cannot see it and that helps. Love the comment about putting the Doc on the Spot!! Do it I did. I have no advice about the family other than to say write it down... everything you do every day you do it write it down. All the falls food messes testy words everything! then when the family whines... show them the list and ask them which of these they are putting on THEIR to do lists, so you can mark it off yours. and do move on... you are so young and intelligent, depression after losing your job is normal but you deserve much better than this.
Blessings to you!
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New York Times reporter Jane Gross wrote a book called "A Bittersweet Season" about caregiving, and it is full of good information. One of the things she recommends is to find a good geriatric care manager. Many care managers will give you a free first consultation, which can be very helpful in pointing you in the right direction in seeking the appropriate care for your loved one (and for yourself). The hope is that you will be so impressed with their expertise that you will hire them to implement the health care plan -- but there is no obligation. So it can't hurt to ask.
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totally sucky reply from debralee. ( the gal who dont give a flying damn about caring for anyone ) .
" get out and leave the caring to family members who genuinely care? "
NEWSFLASH : they dont care, they dont come around..
wow !!
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hehehe... love ya captain!
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Go Stiegman!!! You're right on the $, girl.
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