How do I communicate with and adjust to having a home health care nurse?

Chris, the people who do this for a living have to deal with all kinds of difficul bathrooms and will have developed their own methods but I think if someone is helping you they would be in control of a hand held shower so they could keep it pointed at you and keep themselves reasonably dry, if you are able to shower yourself they would only need to keep the curtain between the water and themselves. 😉

Chris, since you are going to redo the shower ask the contractor if the pan can be set below the level of the floor. This will make it a walk in or roll in shower with nothing to step over. The floor can be sloped to the drain. Most likely the walls and floor would have to be made water proof. I would do away with a glass door and use a curtain unless you can get the shower large enough that you would not be tempted to use the bar on the door as a grab bar. It is just to easy to grab that towel bar when you are getting in and out and they offer no support at all and the glass is likely to shatter.

The life that exists inside a person is simply and truly amazing. It’s our energy, it helps fuel us and most importantly it gets us through each and every day. Once you wake in the morning get ready and to go to work, work all day, come home fix dinner, do yard work, take kids to practices or games, go on a hike or bike ride or whatever you do in your daily routine the life inside you allows you to do it. Even at times we may feel tired, we can go and do what we want or need to do. The sad part is many of us or most take this granted and don’t get me wrong after doing this day after day year after year it is very normal. It’s not until a person is struck with an illness or disease do we really know valuable that life inside us is.

Now while most of my days are not bad yesterday was the exception and just from scrambling two eggs, frying three piece of bacon and putting two frozen biscuits in the oven all of that life was sucked out of me that quick. In fact so much that I only ate about half of it. I went to the couch and just as I got my feet reclined Jessica came in and her first reaction said it all. You don’t feel good this morning do you? Then she saw the plate on the table and asked if I made it. She then told me I should waited and she would have done it for me. She brought the plate to the living room and feed me most of what was left. She did my vitals and my bp was a little low. We skipped therapy for the day and around noon we headed for the shower. As someone posted on here when they had a csection they were never so happy to see someone come and help her shower. Well after washing my hair and just a little of my body I was never happier to hand the job over to Jessica and let her finish. I was extremely exhausted to put it mildly. Once I made it back to the couch she told me I needed to lay down and take a nap. Like a child to a mother I told her I would be ok and didn’t need to sleep. As she past back and fourth a few more times she “reminded me” that I need to lay down and sleep some. Finally she came through with my pillow and laid it at the end of the couch and tapped her finger on it a few times as in saying lay down and go to sleep. She grabbed the remote and turned it to the easy instrumental channel and I was out like a light and slept for about an hour an half. When I woke up some of the life was back in me as I did smile some as Jessica told me. I had to chuckle a little at how she took charge over this old broken down man but in reality for days like yesterday I’m so thankful for having her here and helping me get through my really bad days without her I would have been in a lot of trouble.

Chris, one of the things that I found helpful and my Husband used a lot was..
I got a used walker and kept it in the shower. He could use his regular walker to the shower then he would grasp the one in the shower. This way he felt more stable and he had something to hold onto that he was used to. We do have grab bars but to get him to hold a grab bar was difficult. He used the walker so he knew to hold on to it. (My Husband had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I think he also had Vascular Dementia so getting him to do something "new" could be a challenge)
I would get the walkers at resale shops never spent more than $3.00 on one and when it rusted or was no longer sturdy I would put it to the curb for recycle and always a metal junker would get it before the garbage men. Used this method until I/he/we switched to a shower wheel chair.

As far as communicating you are doing a great job here. And as long as you are honest with the nurse you will do just fine. If there is anytime when you feel uncomfortable let her know and between the two of you you will figure out a solution.
A few thoughts..
You do not say if your shower is a walk in one or a tub shower combo. If it is a walk in there may come a time when you might find it difficult to step over the shower pan base. You might want to think of a way that you could ease that step over. If it is a tub shower at some point a shower bench might be needed. You might want to look for one with a back support and arms for more security.

It is actually interesting to read your thoughts and comments it is a completely different perspective coming from the recipient of care rather than the caregiver. I think you for that insight.

Prepare a list of your concerns and ailments and anything else you can think of.

My very first day with a home care nurse. First I’ll start with a little info about her. Her name is Jessica and she is 28 years old and have been married for 4 years and has a sweet pretty little 2 year old that I have seen pics of today. When I woke up this morning I must admit I was nervous and a little uneasy about what was going to happen but at the same time excited about how the day may go. I’ll describe it as a young child going to school on their first day of a new school year. Nervous about what teacher they may have and how the classroom will be but excited to get started and see their friends.

My wife got me up before she went to school as she started inservice today. I had to fast this morning as she wanted to do a glucose test just to monitor and will be checked monthly (apparently policy). She came in a few minutes before 9 asked how I felt, I told her I felt weak and tired but not to bad. She checked my vitals, glucose and had me to stand to check my balance. After that she made me a good breakfast and I ate it was time for my therapy. She helped me in the floor and I did my therapy. After therapy and i got back in my chair I and rested for about 30 minutes it was time for my first time showering with my nurse. After our talk yesterday and thinking about it I decided I was going to keep my regular routine and do as I have since I’ve been sick. We have a fairly large trunk at the end of our bed. It comes up to our mattress and the top is cushioned so I set down undress and then walk to the bathroom and get in our shower. I’m case if most of you didn’t realize I am considered a fall risk which means when I’m on my feet jessica is suppose to be right there with me. So I get to the shower which she already had the water on so I got on in. Our shower has clear glass so she could see right in. Now I didn’t pay much attention to her but the few times I did see her she was looking down at my feet and legs I guess she could tell if I was about to fall that way. Anyway I washed my hair and body and then I opened the door and let her do from my knees to my feet. Once finished I dried my upper body and she dried my legs and feet. Then I made the trip back to the trunk, now the good thing about this trunk is one it is soft and two it is the same height as our mattress so after I’m done with my shower and can lay back on the bed before I dress. I found this is better because if I lay on my pillow in the spot I sleep in I have a harder time getting up. So today I did lay back and she did cover me up with a dry towel until I was ready to get dressed. About 15 minutes I was ready to get dressed my clothes which was lying next to me on the bed is easy to grab. Once that chore was finished it was back to my chair until lunch. By one it was lunch time and she made and brought me a good lunch. After lunch I usually try to walk the driveway but today it was raining so we walked through the house. Before I knew it, it was 4 and time for her to go.

I really have to say that I was never convinced or thought this was the best decision for me. Mainly because I didn’t know anything about this but I’ve found that I really think I have a really good nurse and one that I am comfortable around. She seems to care about me and wants what is best for me, my health and my comfort. At first the shower was strange like I thought but once I got in it wasn’t a big deal plus I realized as I was doing it that this going to happen 5 days a week now so I need to just be comfortable and keep my routine.

I also want to say to say that I would like to keep seeing comments and let everyone know I will respond to all of them. Thanks everyone for your support and letting me share this with you.

Are you comfortable with the female nurse showering you?
If not you could request a Male aid for that or if there is a male nurse that the agency employs that might be an option.
Also can you, once someone helps you into the shower are you able to do some things yourself? If so that might be an option.
(Just saw your response to someone and it sounds like this is an arrangement that will work for you, getting just the help you need when you need it.)
And I have to ask...are you a veteran? If so there may be programs that would give you and your wife a bit more help without added expense.
I also hope you and your wife are going to a Support Group. They can help a lot. A support group for you as a person with the diagnosis and your wife to another group for spouses or if there is not a specific group for spouses at least for caregivers. I think you both would get a lot of support and ideas.

And I have to chuckle at what might be a SLIGHT typo...where you state that "the doctors have told you that when they find the right medications with the right dose it should help you to {love} again.." might have meant live again but maybe not ;)
Sounds like you have a great attitude and a loving wife take care of both you will need them equally! As well as a sense or humor.

I know I mentioned in my original post about me showering in front of my nurse. It just so happened we discussed that issue today and we went into some pretty deep detail about it. She told me however that no matter how I wanted to handle it, it was the right way. There is no wrong way as long as each patient is comfortable and there modesty is being respected. She has had patients both male and female that has undressed fully in the bedroom walk or wheeled to the bathroom fully nude bathed and then going back to the bedroom to get dressed. No covers or drape at all. Then some that undress in the bedroom and use cover or drape to the bathroom. And some that wants to be in the bathroom before they undress and be right next to the shower/tub. Some want her to bathe them completely while other want to wash their genitalia themselves. The thing is no way is the wrong way it’s all right if that is how the patient wants to do it. She doesn’t judge or think anyway is wrong or more inconvenient by doing it a certain way. Then she said something that made me realize how doing this doesn’t have to change mine or anyone else routine. She said the ones that undress in their room is the way they did it before they needed home care. They didn’t want to change their routine just because of her. That made a lot of sense to me and I realized at that point she really wants me to be comfortable and do as I want to do. So I am much more comfortable with this at least tonight I am. Tomorrow will tell the story.

I have enjoyed all of the comments and conversations today. Everyone please feel free to add more and if have anything that hasn’t been mentioned please add it and let me know. Thanks everyone.

I had a cousin with MS. She had blackouts when she started. As a floor RN, she had to quit her job and go on SSD. Stress was a bad thing for her. God love her husband, he worked and came home and did it all. She had remissions and during that time would travel with her husband. She had a skooter to get her around. A nother person I know was worse at the beginning then later on. She had respiratory problems in the beginning, my cousin later on. I think the meds have gotten better since my cousin. So I agree, its finding the right med. You r young so you may bounce back quicker. Like said, if ur uncomfortable with a woman, ask for a man.

Just one thing, remember your wife is on this journey too. She will have stress just worrying about u and added responsibilities. Be patient and try not to snap at her. Its found that the patient will take things out on the person they most love. There will be changes so make it as easy as u can for her. Stubborn is good in some ways, like telling your self you are going to overcome this, but not in others. Listen and appreciate what she does for you.

I’m so sorry about your diagnoses. Give the nurse time to get to know you and visa versa. I understand it feels like an invasion. When my hubby came home from 4 months in hospital and rehab, we had therapists and a Visiting Nurse. Someone was here almost every day for 6 weeks. By the time the therapy and home health nurse stopped, I had formed a real and grateful relationship with all of them. I still miss their help.

You are a young man and I understand that having a strange female watch you shower is very uncomfortable. Bear in mind that she is a professional and this is nothing new to her. The old “you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all” thing. She has been trained in maintaining the modesty and dignity of her patients and she understands your nervousness. In the event you cannot reconcile yourself to showering with her present, you can always request a male bath aide.

You and your wife have a lot to deal with and I wish you well. A dear friend of mine, who was also a teacher, was married to a man with MS. He is a psychiatrist and continued his practice even with the disease. Nothing got those two down. They faced every challenge with determination and love for each other. You will too!

Hey Chris, I’m really hoping a man on here will answer you and provide a perspective I’m lacking! In the meanwhile, I’ll say this, first it’s great that you’re willing to give your wife this peace of mind by being receptive to having help come into your home. Too many are prideful or close minded and miss out on help. As for advice, treat the nurse like you would anyone you’ve recently met. Ask about her family, life, interests as conversation opportunities occur. Don’t feel awkward asking for things you need, that’s her job. As for the shower, it’s strange, no getting around it, but again, it’s her job and you’re not shocking or surprising her. I remember feeling like hell after a c-section, but being a person who would have sworn no one was going to shower me. A nurse came in and helped shower me and I was never so glad to see a person! My pride and weirdness about it went out the window when I really needed the help.
If all else fails, you can always ask for someone else, maybe a male? Only you know if having a male nurse would be better or worse. Good luck!