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Mental and neurological issues can be very frustrating and hard to get a good diagnosis; the patients get very good at "showtiming" and a general practice dr can not pick up on what is going on. (My sister-in-law did this for years!) Over-medications and infections can confuse the issue as well--my nephew-in-law is just coming out of a series of hospitalizations for what appeared to be serious memory issues and turned out to be a rare infection.
You need to get a referral to a good geriontologist and/or geriatric psychiatrists and see if you can find out what is actually going on.
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It seems to me like you are headed for a rough ride, but you have come to the right place. I found it helpful to keep a journal and document all the crazy things my mother did before and after she was diagnosed with dementia. It would be good to talk to a doctor, preferably one that will understand the situation. Please do not get caught in your parents' power game. The master manipulator should be you from now on, in order to help them move on safely with their lives.
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Set up an appt. for your parents to see a Geritrician neurologist or psychiatrist, make sure they are familiar with Lewy Body Dementia. For the last few years my husband accused me of having an affair and kissing my son-in-law. I thought he was just being a jerk and just trying to start arguments. Later, he was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. Needless to say, I found out that 80% of people with LBD accuse their spouses of affairs. I also learned, that even though the incident never happened, I their mind, they actually saw what they say they saw. I was told there is no need to argue with them, because they REALLY believe what they say they have seen. This disease is frustrating, because one minute they may seem rational and the next they are not. I almost felt like my husband was pretending to having LBD just to get away with things, but the psychiatrist told me that how this disease goes, until they are in the latter stages. I hope this helps you. And, yes, they can be cruel, not only with their words, but also with their actions. Try to get Durable Power of Attorney for your parents, so you will be able to make decisions on their behalf later on, don't wait, because once they are deemed totally incompetent that makes it harder for you since they cannot sign documents. Good luck and may God strengthen you on this journey.
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I agree with KayKay. Since your parents have lived together apart from you, and your brother has also told you stories, dementia cannot be ruled out. It also sounds as tho your Mom is further along in a dementia stage than your Dad. In any event, you need to get Power of Health at least. From there you can go on to being Power of Attorney. It's not easy and you have a long road ahead of you.
My Mom is 93 and in middle stage dementia. She, too, makes up stories, sometimes elaborate ones and truly believes them. That is dementia.
Prayers are with you.
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The only way to be sure is to get a medical diagnosis. Of course, there is also a possibility that some of the things she is saying could be true. I might suggest setting up a security camera, in order to see if her claims do in fact have any merit.
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