This might be a long post so sorry in advance.
this has been such a hard month, my mom fell and broke her hip at the end of last month. She wasn’t in good health to begin with. She had to have hip surgery and we tried to get her into rehab for her hip but one of the places turned her down.
she went home to stay with her friend who is a retired nurse, and she ended up falling again and going back to the hospital 2 days later. She re-broke her hip and needed surgery on it again.
the next day she had a massive stroke leaving her left side paralyzed. She is unable to walk and it takes multiple nurses in the hospital to move her. She then caught sepsis and is being treated for that with Antibiotics. She just had another hip surgery a few days ago for a hematoma on her broken hip. She has been though so much.
She has been a smoker for 50 years, she is also an alcoholic and she addicted to opioids. She can’t smoke anymore after her stroke or she will die, she can’t drink either.
With all this I know there is no way she could come live with me. Before this we already had a strange relationship. I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old who need me and I already feel stretched thin. Also my marriage and well being would suffer if she moved in. She physically I can’t move her or help her.
I still feel guilty, like I’m sending her off to a nursing home but there’s no one else to talk care of her and she needs round the clock care. I’m so stressed out and I just don’t know how to stop feeling guilty for things that are not in my control. I’m worried about her going to a nursing home. I am worried they will kick her out since she is an addict.
any advice would be great.
Other support for you may come from other forms of grief counseling or via a faith based professional support. Since you identify your mother's addictions and substance abuse , ALANON sounds like a first priority to consider.
Take care of yourself ! And your family! Do not be guilt tripped by anyone. Your mother needs the care a NH facility can provide. Do not worry about her " getting kicked out"; be sure the faculty is aware of all of her addictions so they can get her help.
Peace
My mother is also a heavy smoker and alcoholic so I understand, and although she is thankfully fully independent at the moment I do think about what will happen in the future and what the options are. It's never easy but stay strong. You're absolutely doing the right thing.
putting this into perspective may help. Wouldn't you feel more guilty giving her your all in your home at the expense of your family?
wouldn't you feel guilty when she fell in your home and injured herself?
believe me, my Mom is bedridden in an assisted living and it is still at least a part time job
take care if your family and stop feeling guilty
She’s where she needs to be.