How can I make the transition process easier on my family?
Today I am writing our letter to our POA about transitioning our LO into a home.
My Significant Other and I are not able to give him the care he needs. He's unsocialized, inactive physically and mentally. All he does is sit in his chair and watch T.V. from the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed.
Our POA does not agree with us that things are too much for us to keep things under control. (He wets himself, he can't feed himself, he can barely walk, we both work full time jobs, his mind is slowly slipping more and more. He is stubborn: Won't let us help, won't wear adult diapers, won't tell our POA or doctors about constant pain)
Does anyone have any advice on how to tell her that we are going to start this process without her hating both my SO (her cousin) and I (his fiance).
I've been talking with my sister-in-law and she was talking to our POA about our situation. Our POA says that we are exaggerating his health issues and that we are fine to continue with what we are doing. She is angry that we are trying to leave. However, she is also offering minimal help to us.
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There's no need for law to get involved in any way I just want a clear written letter that will help her understand what we're going through. We want this to be as smooth, painless, and drama free as possible.
Put your invitation, with the explanation, into a snail mail letter and KEEP A COPY. You have already written a letter to her, so this might come as a constructive response if she reacts badly to it.
With luck, your aunt will either think you are right, or will come up with a brilliant new plan. If she won't come and you have to leave, go ahead with complaints or take legal action, the copy letter and her refusal to see for herself will be very important to put your case.
I don't quite understand 'she is angry that we are trying to leave'. If you intend to leave the house, she surely has no way to stop you. So long as you give her reasonable notice of when you are going, it then becomes her problem. However as you want to keep relationships reasonable, you need to bend over backwards to help her to see just how difficult things have become for you.
How are you “ starting the process”?
From earlier posts I thought I remembered that you were living in GD home? You were primary caretaker as you worked nearby. Your SO was working a distance away.
I think the idea of the letter is a good one if a doctor will write it. It would support your opinions of GDs health. Notice to the POA that you are moving should probably also be in writing. Have you contacted Area Agency on Aging or Adult Protective Services? That might be a proactive measure, letting them know you have a vulnerable elder at his address and you are unsure of his care going forward.
Did you sign a contract with the POA? Are you giving adequate notice?
Make sure he’s safe. Make sure you aren’t breaking any laws and have clearly communicated your intentions. Probably should have a signed proof of delivery of notifications from POA.
And yes, An attorney advising you or even writing the letter for you would be effective if all else fails.
The POA probably doesn’t know what to do herself. Just because someone accepts the responsibility doesn’t mean they have all the answers. But she does have the power to make decisions and you are pretty much making the only one you can make.
About her hating you. That sounds inconsequental in comparison to GDs care. Stay focused on that.
I think you are making good decisions to do what you can to get the POA to take action. GDs Health conditions may not be dire but they are beyond your capability to continue as his caretakers. You get to make that decision, not POA.