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My mother was released from the hospital 5 days ago. She slid or fell out of her chair and has been laying on the floor ever since. I can’t roll her over to clean her nor can she do it herself. I am trying my best to keep clean pads under her and dry blankets on her.
she does not want me to call 911, she gets upset and tells me to leave her alone she just wants to lay there. I am feeding her when she wants to eat. She is drinking water. I am truly at my wits end. I have been helping her for over a year now, my father and brother passed within the year as well. I don’t know who to turn to for help. Medicare can’t pay for a rehabilitation facility because she went to the hospital within 100 days of her release from a rehabilitation facility. Her doctor said they can’t help. I tried reaching out to the case worker she had when she was on the hospital. My family members have called Delaware aging something. Although these places or people seem to want to help they don’t know what I can do other then a private nurse that cost anywhere from 30 to 60 dollars an hour.

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Seeing all the drama here… yeah I’m officially saying troll. No one could possibly be this stupid. A preschooler would know to call 911 in this situation.
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Wendi, this is the first I came on to this thread, and I see that you posted a few days ago but haven't returned to weigh in.
It isn't clear to me why Mom is remaining on the floor. But if she has no mattress her aging body will not tolerate this without developing almost instant sores. A decubitus ulcer comes from pressure on tissues unable to tolerate the same, and can come within a day, and kill quickly.
If, on the other hand, this is a fall concerns issue, and there is a mattress placed on the floor there is no way that your own back, or anyone else's could tolerate giving care on the floor to someone.
You tell us that your Mom will not allow 911 to be called. Unfortunately that isn't really a choice that she can make; you have a duty of care to get her to a place where safe care can be rendered.
Please call 911. When Mom enters care contact the social worker at once to help you go through options, because this cannot work.
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Admin: here is yet another post where arguing and infighting is getting out of hand on a questionable matter from a brand new, first time poster! We have users wanting to shut their accounts down, asking to be removed (yet still posting.....), and no reply from the OP. Ugliness is amping up big time here.

Perhaps this is another thread to close down further commenting on before personal attacks get sent via PMs. The OP has gotten some good advice already in the comments, not just outrage at her for leaving mom on the floor.

I vote for shutting this puppy down before it becomes an even bigger train wreck 😑

Reporting my post for mods to consider shutting down this thread to future comments.
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BurntCaregiver Nov 2022
@lealonnie

I usually agree with you on most topics because you are experienced in caregiving and give top-shelf advice that actually helps an inexpereinced person in caregiving.
I don't agree with you here. I think this thread should be closed to commenting but it should be left up.
People have be called out when something like this is going on.
The responses being "mean" or "unsupportive" to the poster is not the problem here.
The problem is a caregiver seeking advice on how to care for her mother who's been laying on the floor for almost a week.
That's the problem. Not whether or not everyone is nice and supportive enough to Wendilyn who has left her handicapped mother who cannot get up on the floor for nearly a week.
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I can't believe the rsponses this post is getting. What is wrong with all of you?
Has everyone lost their mind here?
You can't leave a person to live out the rest of their days laying on a floor. For God's sake people.
There was a post here some time ago that someone made where she asked if ot was okay to let her LO (who lived alone) with dementia to get around the house by crawling on the floor like an insect because she had pain and was afraid of falling. No one here was okay with that because it's NOT okay. I think I suggested she put the person's food and water in bowls on the floor like a dog.

It is NOT OKAY for a handicapped person who cannot get up to be left on a floor.
It is NOT OKAY for their caregivers and families to allow them to remain on the floor for one day, let alone almost a week now.
Many elderly and handicapped alike will refuse any any kind of help out of embarrassment or pride. I've had many care clients like this. They have to be told to get over themselves and everyone needs some help from time to time. Then you do what has to be done.
I'm speaking directly to Wendilyn now. If you care about your mother or any human being, you will call the paramedics now to get your mother up off the floor. As her caregiver, this is criminal negligence.
God help us all if this is what the future of family caregiving is going to look like. Grown adults leaving a vulnerable handicapped person who fell on the floor because "mommy" or "daddy" doesn't want the paramedics to come and do a lift assist. Or let the elder still living alone fend for themselves by crawling from room to room like an insect because they're in too much pain to get and are afraid of falling.
Nice. Very 'Lord of the Flies'. For God's sake get yourself together.
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bundleofjoy Nov 2022
i agree!
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I have to agree that people are bizarrely upset about lying on the floor. A nice hard flat floor is the best place for me if my back is crook, preferable with a stool to put my knees and lower legs up on. If I’m out, I ask or try to find a place which is out of sight, because I’m not sick or in danger, and I don’t want to upset other people. I’m often refused – it seems to scare people, even if I won’t get trodden on and I’ll be out of sight of other customers. The hospital has let me lie in a spare room on the floor a couple of times when I’m waiting and in pain sitting up. The Unit Head wasn't a bit upset.

And of course all the Aboriginal people around Alice Springs have been sleeping on the ground for about 40,000 years.
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poodledoodle Nov 2022
The difference is that you’re able to get up and walk. You have no trouble walking. You’re choosing to lie on the floor, mattress. No problem.

You didn’t fall down and involuntarily stay down. During the day you get up.

But OP’s mother slid or fell onto the floor and can’t get up.
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Prayers for you. I can tell you are overwhelmed. I didn't ask my mom before calling 911 when she fell and was hurt because I knew she would say no and get upset. I just called. However, I really don't know your unique situation, so I pray that you and your loved one have already gotten the help you need by the time you read this message.
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The OP left me a public message on my page yesterday which sheds more light on this situation:

"Thanks for your response. I am more then willing to put her in a nursing home. They wouldn’t take her because her Medicare won’t pay because she had a relapse with in a hundred days of being released from the home. I told the hospital case workers that I could not take care of her.
I applied for Medicaid for her she was denied she makes just a little to much they are sorry though.

I called her PCP they told me there was nothing else they could do as far as getting her in a home.

I called hospice, they told me she doesn’t fit the criteria.

I had a home nurse in for 4 days so I could go to my dads memorial that cost $2200 for 4 days.

Home health care hasn’t come out either. The case worker said they denied her.

The EMT’S were here night after night after night. They can’t take her if she does not want to go they told me!!!!

Its not like I threw her on the floor and left her there. She wants to be there. She has plenty of cushions under her and plenty of blankets on top of her.

I really wanted guidance on finding what else I could try to get help for her. I was hoping someone would tell me about a program I am missing.
Before she was discharged the last time I bought her bed so everything was in one area for her.

I am NOT neglecting my mother. This is a sad sad situation. I am doing everything I can to keep her comfortable. Every single day for the past year and a half I think of ways to make life easier for her.
I also asked her if she wanted me to reach out to another home health care she said no what did they do for her last time.

Oh, I also found another program that would help. She didn’t make too much for the program, but she lives 1 mile from the zip code cut off. So they couldn’t help either."

I gave the OP info about Miller Trusts which are available in Delaware, and urged her to see an Certified Elder Care attorney for guidance about Medicaid for long-term care.
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Beatty Nov 2022
Gosh, wow.

"I am NOT neglecting my mother. This is a sad sad situation. I am doing everything I can to keep her comfortable".

Then it becomes a sad but necessary choice for the OP.

Continue or stop.

Continue making Mom comfortable on the floor.
Or, call EMS again, take a firm stand & state this stops now.

Mom can decline transport but she CAN NOT insist her daughter be her caregiver.

If the OP says no more, I quit, it's game over.

Mom gives in & is transported to hospital for assessment/treatment or if not, is forced via a Baker Act to get there.

The ball is in the OP's court here.
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True story, a very sweet lady on the street I live fell. Her husband let her lay on the floor for a few days because he didn't want anyone in their home . By the time she was found and went to the hospital, she passed a few days later.
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Beatty Nov 2022
Very sad. With our aging population it's probably happening all around us.
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"But she does not want me call 911".

People say this - doesn't mean they can process the consequences.

Saying no 911 can mean many things; I don't want to move, I am scared, I don't want to leave family...

If the OP feels they must obey that request literally, the OP can call the Doctor for advice instead, Lifeline or another emergency helpline.

Maybe the woman's cancer is terminal & wishes to die at home.

If so, it is reasonable the caregiver gets help to arrange & provide this end-of-life care. It may or may not be possible at home.

If the person is left on the floor, bedsores, infection, aspiration pneumonia will probably do it.
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OP has not returned, so either she's a troll or just not interested.

I personally could not care for a person who's choice is to lie on the floor. My bad back allows X amount of movement per day and screams at me when I do too much.

For the sake of the CG, get this woman off the floor. If there indeed is a woman and she's been lying on the floor now for almost a week.
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Beatty Nov 2022
Ah yes, but you have common sense Mid 😊
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My aunt, in her 90s, with CHF, living at home in the care of her mentally ill, early dementia husband, fell.

She was unable to get up. He fed her, tried to keep her clean. He transported her around the house by pulling her around on the rug she had fallen on. For 2 days, I believe.

One of her adult children stopped by with groceries (TG). They had spoken to both parents by phone, both neither indicated that anything was wrong.

911 was called, over protests by BOTH parents. My aunt had a broken hip which was surgically repaired. She went to rehab for 3 months. She lived for another several years.

This was in an upscale part of Westchester County NY. The folks had plenty of money.

After this incident, one of their adult kids moved in with them and round the clock aides were brought in, althe husband regularly "fired" them.
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Beatty Nov 2022
Shudder.
That visit was a stroke of luck. Was tragic, but could have been tragic & lethal.
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Call an ambulance. Her anger will pass. She needs care and the pressure she’s putting on you is completely uncalled for. Listen to health care professionals, not grandma.
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That this situation is sadly not beyond belief is borne out by a case we had in the county next door to ours where a woman's mother refused to get out of her chair. For days, then weeks, then months, then...

The mother had broken a hip (I'm not sure anyone ever established exactly when), and one thing led to another until it was at the stage where it was far too late for the woman carer to admit that she'd let it get this bad (her mother's choice) and so told no one and did nothing (her choice). The mother died (gruesomely) and the woman was prosecuted and went to jail, which was what the headlines at the time were about. I don't remember if any other heads rolled, but there would have been serious case reviews about it in social care circles.

Anyway. Extreme, but happens. Mainly because people don't know what to do so they do nothing.
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Beatty Nov 2022
"Mainly because people don't know what to do so they do nothing".

One of my family saw the other fall. A small trip but hit head on a hard surface. Did nothing.

That was a big red flag to me.
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I grew up in WV Appalachia and I have never heard of people sleeping on the floor. I've worked in several WV hospitals and never heard it prescribed.
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BurntCaregiver Nov 2022
Me neither, Bridget. Rehabs, nursing homes, hospitals... would not order that.
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Takocos, She says her mom can't roll over so she can be cleaned. Leaving someone in their own waste is considered neglect and can land you in jail.

If this was so okay and something this poster deals with, why on earth would she post a question that sounds desperate?

Not being able to move, just laying there peeing and crapping yourself is considered okay? Not in my world.

Yes, this has become an emergency.
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anonymous1582493 Nov 2022
I didn't read any desperation? That's my thing. I don't know where people are getting that. She just wants to know how to clean her mom. She wants to solve the problem you have identified.

Why is everyone assuming that her mom could roll herself before and that this is a new, emergency situation? The question isn't, "OH MY GOD MY MOM FELL AND IS REAL BAD HURT WHAT DO I DO!?"

The question was, "Mom's in the floor again like she's been doing for over a year and it makes it real hard to keep her clean. Any advice on keeping her clean? All I can think to do is call 911 but she doesn't want to and it's not an emergency so that seems extreme. Her doctors say it's fine for her to be on the floor and even moved her mattress to be on the floor in the hospital, I just need advice on floor rolling so I can clean her."
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I don't know why so many people have been so mean about this when you've explained that this is a thing she does and is a chronic issue.

A lot of people have told you to go against her wishes and call 911, but I didn't read this as an emergency thing, I read it as a disagreement. She slipped into the floor, not fell, and wants to stay there, where's you want her back on the bed. It's just a disagreement about where she wants to lay, not an injury.

I think that maybe some of these folks aren't from places where it's common to lay/sleep on the floor and don't even know what a pallet is like you're talking about making for her and maybe that's why they had such a strong negative reaction? Because I'll be real, the responses here really shocked me. Both of my grandparents have done stuff like this and if your insurance can handle it and it's not an emergency, you can see if home health can come talk some sense into her.

But if she just keeps doing it and would rather be floor ridden than bedridden I'd just switch out the pallet for a futon mattress when I could afford one and see if she'll take to that.

To the posters who were so mean about this - sincerely why? Like why are treating wanting to lay/sleep on the floor instead of the bed as weird or an emergency? A lot of people, especially older people, do this and doctors will recommend it in some cases because a hard, smooth surface is better for the back in some cases. In Appalachia this is pretty common, I slept on floors a lot myself.

I didn't think it was an Appalachian thing, I thought it was an everywhere thing. People lay on floors sometimes. Maybe her back hurts.
Edit: Sincerely, how could you get criminal charges for letting someone lay on the floor? Y'all said this like it was self explanatory and common so I feel like I have to make sure y'all know this is a sincere question. She's uninjured on a comfortable pallet with pads that are being regularly changed, at her own request. I sincerely don't understand what part of that could be illegal. How would you face charges for that?

Edit: And for clarification, I'm not "slow". I'm a college educated AP student who graduated top of my class and currently works in my chosen field of psychology. So that's probably not the issue here.

Edit: Also the issue causing the disagreement is that you can't properly roll her to clean her on the floor, but my issue for giving advice is that I don't know if that's a space issue or a "bad back," issue. I used to have a really bad back so I would have a hard time doing this on the floor myself. But if it's a space issue, you can get the help from the EMTs to do the lift and then try to rearrange the furniture to make space on the floor that would be sufficient for turning, like I said, a futon mattress if she'll have it, a blanket pallet if she won't, something you can hold for turn assistance, and then just let her be floor ridden if that's what she wants. That's what I would do.
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poodledoodle Nov 2022
OP wrote, her mother “slid or fell”.

You assume she slid without injuring herself. No human being “slides” onto the floor and stays there willingly for some days.

She might be seriously injured. Anyway, I think the OP’s question is fake. It’s too outrageous to be real.
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It's possible Wendilyn is cognitively impaired in some way herself. She may have been born a bit slow, or became slow after an injury or medical treatment. Sadly this is a common dynamic, the slow son or daughter left behind to take care of the elderly person. When the elderly person must be placed elsewhere, the slow son or daughter needs help to find living arrangements. I hope she has some surviving family to help.
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Wendi, please call 911.

Your mom has something seriously wrong if she can't get up. Not to mention her mental state to be willing to stay on the floor.

She is putting you at risk of criminal charges. I am not trying to scare you, this is reality. What happens to her if you go to jail? The courts will do an emergency guardianship hearing and she will become a ward of the state and you won't have any access to her because you have criminal elder abuse charges. You could go to prison because of her choices.

Please call 911.
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Either you're a troll who's made up this story to shock everyone here by saying you've left your own mother fallen on the floor for the last five days.
Or you really have left her like that. Do you not know how to call 911?
Let me tell you something. If in fact this is going on and you've been feeding your mother on the floor, YOU are guilty of abuse. Call the police and ambulace right now.
Make sure you clean the dishes up off the floor and the arrangements you've had there for the last five days.
I'm reporting your post because people like you should not be on this forum.
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freqflyer Nov 2022
Since our "questions" go out onto the internet" I hope someone reads it who is able to do a IP search [Internet Protocol address of user] of where Wendilyn's postings are coming from, thus call 911 to do a wellness check.

There is also a major concern if Wendilyn isn't rolling her Mom over so that blood clots don't form.
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is it a money issue? are you afraid of how much it’ll cost if your mother goes to the hospital?

maybe that’s the problem.

or you’re afraid you’ll be charged with neglect, so you prefer to avoid 911…

in any case, you need to call 911 please.
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Wendilyn I think you might also consider your own wellbeing in this situation. If your mother needs full support with her personal care and her continence care you need to be able to get at her, which was the reason for your original post, and reaching down to her at floor level isn't reasonable.

People don't just fall off a profiling bed with raised rails. If she is winding up on the floor every time, then she is getting out, she isn't falling out. Try to find out what it is about being at floor level that she prefers, and/or what it is about the bed or the mattress or the view that she doesn't like when she's in bed, and see if there's a solution to that.

In your profile you mention cancer but you don't mention dementia. The point about this is that if she's able to make her own decisions about where she wants to lie she is also capable of understanding that she needs to co-operate with you in her own care. Is she on hospice? Do you have any support at all with looking after her?
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Wendilyn, I just left you a private message on your profile page in response to your message to me. Please go read it. It has a lot of good tips for you to get help.

Reading what you just said, there is a bolster pillow device you can Buy to put over the mattress on mom's bed. It cups her body, sort of, and prevents her falling out. I'll go find it on Amazon and give you the link. Get the EMTs to put her back in bed with this pillow, then see a certified Elder Care attorney to help you set up a Miller trust in Delaware for the excess $$ mom makes that disqualifies her for Medicaid. Then off she goes into a Skilled Nursing Facility once she's approved. You nor she can live like this, it's too much.

My condolences on your losses this year.

Here is the link to the fall prevention bolster bed pad:

https://www.amazon.com/Drive-Medical-Universal-Mattress-Perimeter/dp/B00V86G39C/ref=sr_1_69?crid=285HOE0JU8RJW&keywords=Medical+equipment+bolster+to+prevent+falling+out+of+bed&qid=1668661234&sprefix=medical+equipment+bolster+to+prevent+falling+out+of+bed%2Caps%2C199&sr=8-69&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.f5122f16-c3e8-4386-bf32-63e904010ad0
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Pjdela Nov 2022
Glad to see a response with some actual helpful concrete suggestions. I don't understand the vitriol. Rehab had the same problem with keeping her in the bed as OP and put her mattress on the floor. I'm sure there are some asians who don't consider floor sleeping unusual at all and I am familiar with pallets myself. Some people with back problems prefer the hard surface of the floor. I have an inflatable air mattress for camping that is only 4" thick but baffling makes it incredibly comfy. Bought it at REI.
If she fell onto the floor that is different, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Maybe engage caregivers til she can get medicaid set up. OP can't wear herself out trying to give care on the floor. OP, do you have a draw sheet under her? That makes it much easier to turn her for cleaning, but may still be a 2 person assist.
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Thanks

even with bars on the bed she falls out. After getting her up day after day for nearly a year I thought since she was on the floor I made a bed under her. She in my mind is safer. Besides the rehab she was in over the summer did the same thing. She kept falling out of the bed there. So they put her mattress on the floor. It’s not like she’s on a cold floor I have padding under her and plenty of blankets.
if I call 911 they will put her in her chair or bed and she will fall/slide out again. I’ve been calling 911 for well over a year for lifts. They can’t take her to the hospital if she refuses.
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ZippyZee Nov 2022
She needs to be in a facility if she's that bad. This can't go on forever or you'll end up killing yourself.
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I doubt this is a joke. We had a poster here several years back with a similar issue.

His mom had fallen and it was obvious (to us) that something was broken and that mom had dementia.

"But mom says not to call 911". He was terrified of her anger.

We finally got him to call; she had a broken pelvis or hip.
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This has got to be a joke.

Please be a joke…
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bundleofjoy Nov 2022
i agree, please be a joke. (if not a joke, OP is completely immoral).

OP, you can't leave your mother on the floor for days. NO ONE does that. one calls 911 no matter what.
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Yeah PLEASE CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY!

They can do a "lift assist" and take her to the hospital

Get her off the floor
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Wendilyn,

This is the time for you to override your mom's demands and get her to the ER with a 911 call! And do not allow them to return her to home, she needs to be placed in a SNF facility. Period.

Because you've allowed this much time to pass, I would document every effort you've made to convince her that you need to call 911. Be mindful that the hospital bears some responsibility in this by allowing her to be transferred home when so weak and obviously in need of SNF placement, but they may want to point the finger at you.

You cannot do this any longer and she needs care you cannot provide.
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Im sorry this is so overwhelming but she needs medical help now! Your mother can't survive on the floor like this forever.
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You call 911 and ask for a LIFT ASSIST.
Generally there is no transport to the hospital unless there is an obvious injury or there is a request from the patient to transport.
In your case they may transport due to dehydration. Or other physical problem.
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Oh for God's sake, call 911, this is ridiculous.
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