I am 42, my father is 81 and my mother is 78. Eight or nine years ago they did what a lot of seniors do after working hard all their life, they decided to move to another area. They lived in the DC area for over 50 years and decided to go down to North Carolina. They moved to a town that a church couple they knew had moved to, figuring these were their friends and this would be an enjoyable time. My parents bought a new construction home, moved down, and proceeded to pal around with this couple basically eating out and shopping, and going to church. Well a few years into the new move, the wife of the couple died. Of course the friendship between my parents and this couple went away as well. My mother and the lady were the real friends in this situation. To get to the point, after this occurred my father started to show obvious signs of dementia, forgetfulness and unable to string together sentences. My parents moved five hours away so of course my siblings and I only knew partially what was going on. Typical of many parents, my mother wasn't very open. Well now obviously things have worsened with my father. He is basically a shell of himself. He can eat and talk and walk, but he's out of it. He does remember his wife and children thankfully, but he is incontinent, talks out of his head 99% of the time and early in the mornings and in the evenings wanders through their house in another world. He has diabetes and other chronic health issues, and my mother battles daily to give his insulin, and he refuses to take other medication. My husband and I travel down there maybe 3 or 4 times a year and it's getting to be a miserable experience. I hate going down there now. One sibling has three children, job struggles, and never goes down. He has his constant excuses for why, and I am learning that this is just the way some siblings are and it's a waste of time being frustrated. My other sibling has basically been the problem child all his life, won't keep a job, currently staying with a friend, so basically homeless. If my parents were still in the area he would be living with them. I guess I want to express that I want to be there for my parents. I have gone back and forth about moving where they are. But I don't want to throw my own life in an upheaval. I struggle with emotional problems, have just lost my job, and have a husband (no children) who I don't want to stress out any more than I already have. I am angry with my parents for moving so far away, to a place with no family, no one who would truly look out for them. They bought this huge house which is now unmanageable. Sometimes when I am talking to my mother I want to yell at her that they need to move back but I know she is under so much strain and don't want to do that to her. But I am truly stressed out right now. One of my fears is my mother will get sick, or pass away before my father. Then what?!?
I can't run up and down the road looking after them. I know I would break down. I don't know what to do.
I guess I am looking for moral support. Thank you.
If your mother isn't very computer savvy, perhaps you could see if there is a grocery store in her area that either delivers to her home or at least lets you put in an order online and then just pick it up. I found ordering stables like eggs and toilet paper online, then going to the store while my mother was at ADC and shopping for the fresh fruit and veggies, then picking up the order on my way home was a lot easier than trying to shop for everything. Later when ADC wasn't operating because of covid, I had all the groceries delivered. Mom could call you and tell you what she wants from the store as you put in the online order; it would also be a good communication for you to keep current on how things are going.