My father is on oxygen24/7 and is worsening. my stepmother is not coping well and we have discussed our concerns with her and my father. she refuses any outside help even from family yet is unable to do the basic things needed to ensure both remain healthy-ie cleaning (dusting-which is critical for someone with chronic breathing problems), going to the grocery store for groceries which my father finds difficult, going out to do necc. errands. They don't want to be a burden as they are only 63 but something must be done as we are very afraid this is impeding both of their lives esp. my fathers health. She refuses to see a dr. for anything and has not done so in 10 years-she's losing teeth, needs new glasses as her prescription is no longer working for her,is rapidly losing weight, etc. My father is worried sick over her that he pushes himself physically to make up for what she can't seem to do. We are stuck in the middle and feel helpless> how can we talk any sense into them?
One thought I have is to set a little table, or spot where they can sit outdoors, or the shade of an open garage, or carpot, depending on the layout of thier home, while you, or someone else tackles the required dusting. It will give them both a little respite from how overwhleming their home has become due to their declining health issues.
After that, it might be good timing to serve some tea, or light snack as you pull up a chair to sit with them and let them know that though you are unable to do the dusting for them with any regularity, it needs to be done by someone for them. Tell them you have made an appointment for the 3 of you to interview someone to decide who might be most suited to accomplish that goal.
Perhaps the 1st few times you get someone to come in to do the dusting, you could make yourself available to hang out with them while the cleaning gets done, to help ease your Mom's anxiety and allow your Dad to play catch-up by literally concentrating on breathing to maintain his oxygen needs, rather than thinking he has to be on the move taking care of your Mom and their household needs.
May not work, but it is a tiny step that may allow you all a much-needed breather and help move your parents closer to facing the reality of their current life needs.
Whatever you decide to do, I am rooting for your success and everyone's respite in your family. You all sure do need a break as much as you need a successful strategy. Hugs.