Have you had body pain of any kind while caregiving?

You are going to have to find the line and draw it. My BIL and SIL are the live in caregivers for my FIL and DH and I help as we can since we don't live there ( very long story). At any rate - yes there has been definite injury to ALL of us over the years since FIL decided "why would I do it myself when they can do it for me" and his mobility began to decline significantly. SIL has gotten the worst of it due to repetitive motion types of injuries that she is likely going to need surgery to repair. BIL was already not in the best of health and he requires a lot of downtime to recover, some days are better than others. DH has already had spinal surgery due to an injury sustained helping FIL. And I've required shots in my elbow (not to mention the frequent migraines we all enjoy...but that's another issue altogether).

My point being - we were FOUR reasonably healthy adults going into this. Yes, aging plays a factor for all of us...but caregiving has definitely increased the speed for sure. There comes a time when you have to draw a line in the sand and say...this right here is where I don't cross....
For us...we have certain things we will do and certain things we don't. Falls....nope. That's an automatic call - if he's injured it's a 911....if he's not it's a call to the non-emergency fire department line for a lift assist. And we just wait until they can get there. He's a 300+ man. We let them use whatever tools they have at their disposal to get him back up and on his feet. Falls are a deal breaker. Even getting him out of a chair or bed anymore if he can't get himself up is getting to be too much now.

We have talked about (read:warned) him that if he can't get himself to the basics (out of the bed, using the walker to get to the bathroom) then he isn't able to stay in his home any longer. Those are literally the only things he has left. When BIL and SIL moved in 5 years ago he was INDEPENDENT. He could take care of himself 100% unless he fell and needed help. As soon as they moved in (they needed somewhere to live temporarily) he just stopped doing anything for himself. I don't think he realized (or chose to believe because everyone from us to health care providers told him) what would happen. And we watched him become fully DEPENDENT in the space of about 18 months. And we watched all of our health deteriorate as well.

It correlates. Caregiver health is critical. Think of it this way. If you are down...WHO will provide care? I keep telling my FIL if something happens to BIL/SIL he is going to have to start planning for his move to a SNF because DH and I don't have the bandwidth to move over there too and take care of him 24/7. He thinks that all 4 of us are supposed to quit our jobs and take care of him 24/7 and that's not happening. We all still have other responsibilities and other family members that need us as well and his only plan was for everyone else to take care of him so that he could stay in his home. He has completely stopped taking care of himself in anyway now and he is slowly ensuring that the people that will help him at all don't have the energy or strength to help him at all.

".. hope it will at least somewhat convince my mom.."

This is *wishful thinking*.

Please stop wishing.
Take Action.

Thats the thing about back pain and messing up your back. A lot of times the damaged accumulates over time and then you do the thing you've always done which is lifting your dead weight mother and bam your back injury is a permanent and debilitating and excruciating pain that never goes away and makes you feel like you want to die because the pain is so bad and not even opiods will touch it.

Your mother is a burden you don't have to carry on your own. Literally and figuratively.

Dont become another casualty in the caregiving war. Please.

Why are you waiting until Sunday?

"Mom, I hurt my back lifting you. I can't let myself become permanently disabled caring for you. You have 2 choices here: one is to become more active and able to moave around on your own. The other is to move someplace where there are folks to help you. I will help with either of these plans, but I can't lift you any more. If you need to be lifted, I will call 911."

She will cry in an attempt to manipulate you.

So she cries.

So?

So what?

Update:

My back is better. The pain fortunately went away. Just needed some bed rest and some Tylenol.

I just hope it will at least somewhat convince my mom that she needs to get moving. Once Mother's Day comes and goes, I'm telling her to start being out of bed more than once a week and exercise with what she has every few days instead of every few months. I just hope I don't get cold feet and the courage is there to tell her. Otherwise, if Mother's Day had already come and gone and it wasn't in the middle of the night, I would've told her straight up her sorries better turn into PT appointments.

She needs to know that if a freak accident happens with me and I'm limited, if not, down for more than just several hours, she needs to have a backup plan. There is such a thing as you doing everything right and not doing anything dangerous and something bad still happens to you. I can't be her one and only option forever.

"I'm now wondering if the speculation I made in a reply about me getting hurt and being unable to help out will equal her getting extra help and doing more physical activities is about to come true."

Don't count on this happening. What should happen is that YOU stop doing the caregiving duties that are physically harming you. THAT is in your control.

Your mother is never going to say or do any of those things Bob. But what will happen is you will eventually incapacitate yourself permanently lifting your mother off of the toilet.

Are you prepared to live the rest of your life with this type of back pain because you refuse to stop the insanity of doing everything for your mother?

Your mother does not care about the physical or mental toll this is taking on you. Do you care about yourself enough?

It makes me so angry to see adult children literally killing themselves and wrecking their lives for a parent. Especially when said parent refuses to see what they are doing to their adult child.

This story does not have a happy ending.

When you are lying in bed wracked with back pain no amount of opioids will touch or have a back surgery only to wake up to find out it didn't help the pain not even the thought that you gave up everything for mom will comfort you.

Please stop now before it is too late for you.

PS Remember: you can only control yourself. Not others.

So reduce your load as you need to.

Do not entertain any fake notions: you injured means Mother will need to do more. She will do as she will. There is no magic see-saw.

If you need rest - you must make it happen. It will not be given freely as a gift to you on a silver platter.

Oh Dear.
Ruptured a disc?
If not fixed by extra rest in 2 days.. better get that seen to.