She doesn’t want to go to AL, but says she wishes to “die at home”. I love my mom. My mother is important to me. I want to help her stay in her accessible home, but I am so burned out! Compassion fatigue, really. She doesn’t seem to get it.
She has become very self-centered and doesn’t seem to care about my needs.
I think she expects me to give up my life for her. Actually, I just saw the last BEST years of my life go to HER and her care. I just turned 70. I just want to rest and have no more demands on me. I want to have peace and quiet. I have not had a life of my own since I came to help her. I have no friends, know no one in her town. I just try to persevere. What’s the matter with me? Few people would do this, I think.
My bro lives in Colorado, and does not call often. My sis lives 5 hrs. away, is busy, and relieves me for 3 days every 4 months. Otherwise, I am here 24/7 with no time away. Mom has grown dependent on me, of course. She doesn’t like it when I get my respites, but she copes. She seldom asks about my own welfare. If I get sick, she pretty much ignores it. What is that? She was never like that before in our earlier days. She was awesome, then! It is difficult to let go of earlier concepts of your mom. I want to help her, but, too much is too much. I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. I am depressed, anxious, and resentful. I don’t want to live my last years feeling that way.
I know I need to place her. I have a couple of places lined up. It’s mostly that I can’t do it because she doesn’t want to. Her mind is pretty good. She would miss her “things”, so, I think I should wait. I don’t know—what about me?
I have sacrificed so much for her, because I love her. I may have sacrificed too much. I don’t feel very good anymore. I know I won’t live as long as she has, She’s almost 91.
I am looking for an inexpensive home or cheaper rental. None exist. In our area, the inventory is low. I can’t find anything I can afford. Been looking 4 yrs.
I thought maybe if I bought something, at least I’d have a place to go, two days a week while I continue to care for mom. I know I am more fortunate than many who post here.
I would like any comments or IDEAS to help me move forward. I seem to be stuck. Thanks. (I have posted before).
But lots of uncles, aunts, friends parents say say same thing. One aunt is turning 100 and lives in own home, and my cousins tried to get her into AL several times only for her to throw temper tantrums. About seven years ago, they decided she probably didnt have much time so lets work together to allow her to stay home. But that was seven years ago and shes still there
A couple years back they finally laid down the law. If you want to stay at home, we are going to hire tons of outside help to come in here, and we will help out also (she has kids, grown grandkids, etc in the area) but you need to hire outside help
Even though my aunt had the resources, she protested as she was frugal
My cousins told her, we dont care. You either shell out for lots of outside help so you can stay at home, or you are going . We cannot sacrifice our own lives forever because you want to die at home. But at least they didnt live with her as it sounds like you do.
I dont know financial situation, but can you hire outside help to care for her in her home so you can move out and live your own life? For not its not even a question of living a good life, its a matter of living, you are going work yourself to death.