Has your loved one been given a doll? Did they accept it?
My mother's great-grand daughter (10 years old) gave my mom one of her baby dolls. Mom is stage 6c on the FAST scale (Functional Assessment Staging Test), according to her Palliative Care Nurse Practitioner.
Yesterday, I met with the NP for my mother's assessment. The day before, my niece and great-niece visited Mom and took her a baby doll. Mom accepted the doll immediately! I watched her interact with her "baby" while the NP and I took care of business. Mom was in her own world with her baby and cared less that we were there.
Mom held the doll and kissed it, talked to it, touched its nose, feet and hands. She unwrapped it from its blanket and inspected it. She wrapped it back up and cuddled it and baby-talked to it. I was shocked and awed watching my mom. She smiled and laughed as she played with her doll.
It was bittersweet to watch. And, it confirmed to me that my mother is truly gone. The NP told me that Mom is more advanced than I realize. She said she wants to see Mom every two weeks to get a better feel for where she is. She also said that she believes that she is Hospice ready, not because she is at the end of her life, but because she can benefit from the services that Hospice provides.
My mother takes Xarelto and the NP is going to also remove this medicine. She believes that the harm of taking this medicine is greater than the help. This is just another confirmation for me that my mom is declining faster than I realize.
I don't know what or how to feel. I think I am numb and tired. Accepting that my sweet mother is completely gone from me hurts. I admit that I pray for her to go to sleep and wake up in heaven. I'm so afraid that she will live to endure the end stage of this monster: can't swallow, bedridden, etc. Ya'll know the trajectory.
Thank you for listening. I just needed to share the good news that Mom has something to fill the long hours in her day. Her comfort with her new "baby" comforts me, too. I hope it lasts...
I visited the most extraordinary dementia wing one time. It was done in Victorian decor and there were all kinds of baby dolls displayed: a couple were on the couch, one would be sitting in a chair, etc. And it encouraged the residents to interact with the dolls and they did! Some residents picked up the dolls and carried them around, some sat beside a doll and made sure it was warm and tucked in, some talked to the dolls in a motherly voice. It was enchanting to see something so lovely amidst the ugly disease of dementia.
I also appreciate your wording: "Enchanting to see something so lovely amidst the ugly disease of dementia."
Indeed, watching Mom was enchanting.
Thanks, again.
Your mom is NOT completely gone from you. I fully believe she's in there somewhere. I've watched my own mom go through all the early stages of Alzheimer's, and it has definitely impacted me emotionally. Now that my mom is in the later stages, and she doesn't always even remember my name, she still has a strong emotional response to seeing me. Even though your mom's physical abilities, including even being able to swallow, will continue to decline, the human brain is a remarkable thing: Even with the ravages of a disease like Alzheimer's, our brains have managed to protect the most important memories by storing them in places not even Alzheimer's can reach. I have to believe this or else I'd become "numb and tired."
Hugs to both you and your mom!
I was sole caregiver for my wonderful mother, and now for her youngest sibling. When we care for people we love, we are constantly, silently saying “Thank You” for who they were when they, and we, were younger.
As others have said, we are sometimes surprised in the quiet moments (or sometimes the raucously funny ones) how very close our loved ones can reveal that they still are to us.
You can rejoice that the sweet gift from that dear little girl has brought your mother a gentle recognition of something she once knew and loved.
I always say that if my LO is having a “good” day when I arrive, I leave with tears in my eyes; if not, the tears when I leave are just the same.
Let yourself relax and enjoy your visits. Somewhere, on some level, you are sharing good news here, but also with the mom you love.
I personally would question the every two week thing. There is nothing a NP or doctor is going to be able to do for Moms decline. Other than say she is declining. You will know when things are going downhill. She will become anxious. With my Mom she hummed and it got worse as the days went by. So she was given something for the anxiety. Then she wouldn't get out of bed. Then the swallowing problem, finally hospice. I think if u call Hospice in, there will be no need to take her to the NP. A nurse will check on her about 3x a week. The nurse will be available by phone 24/7. She will have an aide for bathing.
Consider hospice it really helps patient and family
I wish you the best as you experience this new stage of life with your mother.
One big problem is how to clean it. It's electronic so I can't just wash it. I use no rinse shampoo.
Wishing you the very best moving forward, my friend. I know how hard all of this is; I witness the grief every day, firsthand. But I also get to witness the joy and the comfort that these baby dolls bring some of the residents.
My 2 girls have five cats between them. The three cat owner kept telling me we “need” a cat. My “A”
burdened wife is substantially non verbal at this point (7 1/2 years) in.
I got her a cat (A robot cat) for Christmas. Well imagine the joy of watching your loved one giggle smile at, laugh and talk to the “cat”. I have to admit I respond positively to its mewing, purring, and particularly sighing myself.
Take every little joy and let it help you to make your day and your loved one’s also.
My husband had a big dog farm dog when he was growing up on their farm, and he tells the same story about the dog, over and over again. Even though we had other dogs when we were raising our children. Those he has forgotten but not his farm dog. So 6 months ago I thought it might be a good idea to get him a large robotic dog and see if that would give him comfort. Oh my goodness it sure has given him comfort. I call it our senior citizen apartment dog. Because real animals are not allowed in our apartment. He pets it, talks to it, laughs at it, etc. He does but doesn't know it's not real and it doesn't matter. It has been very amazing for others to see this interaction, because it just doesn't seem normal, but it is for him. The dog (Bisquit that I bought on EBay) operates on 6 D batteries. I turn the switch on in the morning when I wake the dog up and off at night. The batteries last about 2 weeks. Well worth the cost!! The dog is big, about 2-1/2feet long when laying, plus tail. I highly recommend dolls, pets, stuffed or robotic to give the person joy and comfort. Be it for a few minutes each day to hours. Right now, my husband has the dog sitting on his lap, after petting and talking to the dog for about 45 minutes, my husband has fallen asleep and the dog is wineing at him and moving his head. So sweet.
What ever it takes to give someone joy. As I am sitting here looking at my large collection of dolls. Once a mommy, always a mommy! Glad your Mom has found comfort in her dolly. It might be good to have it with her at all times, cuddled next to her. What doesn't seem to be normal to us, is normal and ok for them.
Being loved ones of family members going through this is not easy, but know in your heart that even the touch of your hand let's them feel your love, and feel it in return. Hugs to you dear daughter.
Your numbness and tiredness are all too familiar to me. Prayers and strength as you continue to care for your mom. Make sure you carve a few minutes out of each day to renew yourself.
I wish I had thought of something like this when my mom spent her last 3 weeks in hospice. My mom loved dolls and she bore 9 children. She was also a cat lover and a stuffed animal might have been of some comfort. I have to say in those latter weeks seeing her more like a sweet child, gave me more compassion and understanding of what happens, when we watch our loved ones fade away. It is a very difficult time, but enjoy all that you can with your sweet mother.
My mom also has (real) dogs. She sleeps with two each night and we refer to them as "the bed buddies". At least for us, I think having the dogs are really great for her. They love to snuggle, give her lots of attention and kisses.
My granny loved hers and held it all the time. We used it to have a connection during visits. We would all bring the baby a new outfit, cheap at the thrift store, or a freshly washed outfit that had been taken home by one of us. Many, many happy memories of helping granny with her baby. It gave her an opportunity to share with someone, showing off her beautiful baby, brought us together on a very deep level.
May you have many, many happy memories sharing the joy of a new baby with your mom.
She is still in there, cherish the time you have left. Hugs, it is such a long goodbye.
I gave my uncle a stuffed dog that walks...(battery operated).
On my next visit, he laughingly told me the housekeeper was dusting the windowsill, and the dog scared her when it barked.
There was one woman in particular who had a doll she named with a boys name and loved on it, talked to it, dressed it, etc. I have a very LARGE collection of dolls and friends will give me clothing for them. I took some boys clothing to her one weekend along with a nice blanket. She loved it and thanked me every time she saw me. It gives them a way to be useful, helpful and loved. Perhaps you could give her a new blanket for her baby or even some of the baby bottles for dolls or a simple childs book to read to her little one.
Your mother's mothering instincts are not gone.
As evidenced by her mothering the doll?
You are so right, a bittersweet moment.
So very sweet and very touching.
Even though she seemed to know it wasn't real, it gave her comfort and she was not a particular animal lover
her facility frowns on dolls as they don't consider it dignified but the couple of ladies who do have them benefit greatly just as a scared child clutches a favorite teddy bear or blanket - and dementia is a scary thing
Sometimes when I would visit with her that was the only way to get her to interact with me. I'd hold the stuffed dog and make his face turn sideways like it was trying to figure her out and it always would make her laugh. She just loved it.
It sits on my dresser now.🐶