Has anyone taken Xanax to help with the intense anxiety/depression that comes with caring for a narcissistic mother with dementia?

I like having some xanax around just in case they are needed for a really, really bad day when I really, really need to chill or get sleep. Other than that, it is probably best to look for other ways to take care of daily stress. Taking a walk around the block seems to really help me "clear my head" and feel better. It is a good way to find a little peace. Especially if I need to be on top of my "game" as far as dealing with whatever issue is presented for the day. I'm not good in my role as caretaker if I'm not completely "there". I need all my available brain power to deal. Getting some exercise helps with sleep as well.

First, my heart goes out to you.

I was my mother's caregiver and she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I developed severe health problems, due to the stress of caring for her. Now that my caregiving responsibilities are over, I have had time to take care of myself and most of the health problems I got from caregiving have resolved themselves.

If at all possible, *do not provide day to day care for a parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder*. Even if that parent leaves you a generous inheritance, you will pay dearly for it. Yes, caring for this person can (and many times, will) shorten your life. It is not worth it.

These people generally do better being cared for by professional caregivers, not family. The best place for your mother is in a facility specially designed for people with memory disorders, one that can handle someone who has pre-existing mental health problems. So, you're probably going to be looking at an Assisted Living that has a special wing for those with memory problems or a nursing home.

You don't have to go this alone. The first thing I would do is contact the Alzheimer's Association office closest to you. They can be very helpful. Next, I would contact my local senior center and arrange to meet one of the social workers. In this situation, a good, traditional social worker is worth his or her weight in gold. A good social worker will understand that your mother is *really* too much to handle, that you are no longer able to provide day-to-day caregiving. This person will know what resources are available, help you with paperwork (which can be confusing). A good social worker will think short, medium and long term... that is, how to reduce your burden now (that can be helping you get paid caregivers, having your mother 'try' assisted living by spending a week or two there, perhaps arranging your mother to go to a senior daycare).... then getting your mother moved into a memory care unit in an assisted living and making financial arrangements for it. My Alzheimer's Association sponsors caregiver support groups, and so does my senior center.

Most states have an Office of Elder Affairs, with someone who can connect you to local senior services. My state senator has a staffer whose job is constituent relations--and that person knows how to connect people like you with information sources, such as Elder Services (my area actually has 2 elder services groups, one through the local senior center and a regional group). Sometimes, the most helpful group might not sound obvious. I have a friend who just had a stroke and is having vision problems. In her area, you go to the Cystic Fibrosis people when you need to borrow durable medical equipment. Her case manager (a social worker) is from an organization unrelated to what's wrong.

A good social worker will understand that you, as caregiver, are 'the other victim'. This person will help you reach out for care.... care you (and every other person who is caring for a difficult person) really does need.

If you can afford it (they are not cheap, but worth it), you can hire, privately, a geriatric case manager. I've used one. This is usually an experienced geriatric social worker or geriatric nurse. This person can do more for you than the social worker at your local senior center can do. This person can: run a family meeting where you sit everyone down and talk about your mother's needs (and deal with siblings who don't want to spend 'my inheritance' on expensive care), arrange for professional caregiving and supervise them, keep an eye on your mother, help you locate appropriate living situations and help with the admissions process, deal with paperwork, etc.) A geriatric case manager is especially useful when you come from a dysfunctional family.

Hope that helps.

If you think you have depression, Zanax is not going to help. Was it a family doctor who gave you the Zanax? It seems like your condition has gone beyond the care of the family doctor. Talk to your doctor again. Make sure you tell them all that is going on not just "I have some anxiety". Most people don't want to hear this, but you should consider actual mental health treatment. See a psychologist to discuss your situation. The psychologist can send you to a psychiatrist for the medication you probably need. Is there another way to have care for your mother? It seems like you are undergoing serious harm while doing this. Should you allow yourself to be harmed like this? I've had several relatives with narcissism with and without dementia. I understand what you are experiencing. Please take action before you are broken. Others have given practical advise for how to get away from this.

Piper,

((((Hugs))))

I understand the crippling anxiety of caring for a narc mom with dementia. Got one of those. I've been on chronic antidepressants for decades for the same reason with no idea how to get off the merry-go-round. The antidepressants literally saved my life. But now, if only I could get off them! These prescription drugs are indeed lifesavers, but pushing yourself into likely dependency just feels wrong! Don't misunderstand. I don't condemn the use of benzos or antidepressants. They have their place.

If caring for a toxic parent means reliance on a highly addictive substance, this is too great a sacrifice on anyone's part. I strongly suggest you consider an alternative plan her care. No way should you be caring for someone who makes you ill to the point you have to take a drug.

You needn't sacrifice your own well being to care for your mom. There are other ways!

Absolutely. I promise you are not alone. You got me with narcissistic mother with dementia! My doctor didn’t like the medicine I was on so he switched me to an as needed Med for anxiety. I try not to have to take them but they do help. Some days I wonder which one of us will die first. I’m exhausted,frustrated, guilty, angry, resentful, and sad.... all in a matter of 5 minutes. So, I hope you realize you are not alone. Please feel free to contact me anytime you need reassurance.

I may have been a little harsh. I have met people who could take them responsively. Very few. My aunt had agoraphobia and would trade them to me for giving her perms. I loved it from the first time I tried them. It probably runs in the family. I've had issues with all kinds of drugs through out my life but Xanax was the hardest drug I've ever gotten off of.

Exhaustedpiper; Yes it happens to so many of us I am so stressed out I am so afraid that my Aunt is going have something bad happen she gets sooo DIFFICULT sundowners is very hard to deal with i find myself in tearsall the time!Im afraid to go to bed Im worried about her ALL THE TIME!! I AM ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED TOO

God I wish I could find a doc that wasn't afraid to prescribe xanax for me. My sister when she decides to show up with her rowdy bunch that doesn't help my anxiety one bit, sometimes slips me 5-10 pills she took from her friend or baby daddy. Sketchy I know but I'm so thankful and make them last as long as possible. The same with migraine meds. I hate my niece has them at 16 but at the same time I'm glad she has tried so many and none of them work and my sis has stock piles! Although she micro manages them to me too. I have a seizure disorder that presented itself while I was caring for our Mom, who passed 13yrs ago. Now caring for our Dad it's way more difficult or I'm just older and I don't take care of myself at all anymore so seizures are way off the charts. I thought hanging with Pop doing the bachelor pad hangout would be doable and he'd pass away (DNR) be with Mom, simple. Yeah, well he fell, healed, fell, almost had a heart attack as POA I gave the DNR kissed him and left the room as told by the nurse....Pop says "no I need to stay for my baby, she's divorced and needs me?" Really?? Yep, paddles away, Pop's staying alive because of my divorce?? Cool wait what but that's not the agreement, oh crap who's going to rehab and care for you, well crap I'm quitting my career and life again and going home for good. My older sibling have children, work, church, can't move, don't want to remember them like that, we're retiring now too.....4 years later we are broke and they are telling me to sell things, put him in a home before they will help me or him and I shouldn't be in this situation I needed to budget, grow up, it's just like having kids and a job they do it every day. I'm a cop I don't think like this, I'm one of the 1st female Marine pilots in combat zones I'm not a secretary or special ed teacher at a church like they are. They were born patient and Pop requires sooo much more patiences than Mom required. My fear of failure is not helping things at all. Everytime Pop falls, poops himself, or a dozen other things I end up hurting myself trying to hard then worrying, starring at the baby monitor, many sleepless nights, making budgets that will never work, laundry, dialysis and my own seizures so yeah I'd be glad I had them just to sleep a few hours without dreams or checking things all night. Most of the time I think I'm losing my mind these days but apparently I fit right in here and there is a thing called burnout and caregiver stress! Thank God I'm not crazy, I'd hate to break it to my patrol partners that it wasn't just an act! Lol. I'd say you're not an addict if your self checking yourself! That's a good sign. But also take you respite when and how you can safely! Best wishes!
Junior

Oh I just read a reply that mentioned CBD oil, please make sure it's absolutely legal in your area and if it has some certified ingredients. Some people in Utah have died and the tested vials have tested anywhere from plain olive oil to thc that would've landed that person in jail instead of the grave had the right dose been taken. See the US Gov't Bill says HEMP and CBD are legal in all 50 states but down here in Texas industrial hemp is just a farm crop not for ingestion and cbd oil is not regulated either and is a byproduct of hemp so therefore not legal but medical marijuana is legal only for patients with a double diagnosis of untreatable epilepsy. Tricky huh! Yep I'm an officer and my big old dumb butt ordered hemp gummies to combat upcoming sibling stress and hoped they'd help me sleep but basically they are cool omega 3-6-9, vitamins b,d,e gummies that say hemp so far!! Oh sorry Hawaiian hemp!! Lol. Yeah drugs shouldn't be the answer for anyone and is probably the reason we are sadly a weird bunch of mindless mobs these days. Maybe we are normal and it's just everyone else are the one's who are driving themselves crazy by being selfish not being caregivers?? See we shine!! Come on give it to me, it's already been an absolutely infuriating week and my family hasn't even arrived yet!! Trying my best to smile grin and bear it, hoping rain keeps them away! Maybe my hemp gummies will keep them away?? Really if I can find time, trust myself to leave the house, trust my Pop not to fall or try to get out of bed I go to Krav Maga down the street and beat up bags and crawl all over the floor, learn new and better self defense moves from Israel special forces and new Marines. I get home energized, soaked to the bone, happy, tired, sore but good. I bought this mat that simulates skating, I haven't hard hard wood floors since I was a kid 40 yrs ago, so socks on a freshly waxed old style hard wood floor or ice skating but in a hot house in Texas! I skate my little heart out and that's not hard these days. I know we work hard with our families but that little bit for ourselves sometimes is better than drugs and definitely better for you in the long run.
Best wishes,
Junior

I am prescribed Zoloft and also Klonopin for anxiety.
I tried to not take Klonopin, afraid that my Doctor might
not prescribe it due to the government crackdowns. She
said that I need to take them,lol. Think she is afraid that
I might crack up. Big hug to you!

I had a script but never took it for fear of exactly what you were describing. I now take suntheanine in the morning with my coffee and occasionally my grandma will have some coffee with me. I find it calms us both down tremendously.

Note, I am in CA where I have access to lab tested THC/CBD oil which I also add to my grandma’s almond milk at breakfast and more in the coffee so that could have an effect as well. When my grandma returns to her home state, I will be buying CBD oil from Bluebird as I hear good reviews on the quality of their product. They also have a discount offer for low income individuals. I will post back and let you know of the quality of their oil once we start using it.

I understand your anxiety I’ve thought about it taking it, for the same things but haven’t done it. I take lots of magnesium in the form of Calm And B vitamins to help with the stress. I also meditate .this is the hardest thing I have ever done. Inlist help even its only once a week an hour, what ever, you must take care of your self. If you fall apart who will take care of your loved one. Call the Alzhiemer line just to talk to someone if you can’t make it to a support group.
dont give up!