Hello, a while back I was on here and I wrote in that my 95 year old MIL came to live with us after breaking her hip. She has recovered and now we have a new issue... temper tantrums - or my husband refers to them as going on strike...I will briefly explain what happened, which appears to be a cycle.
So we discovered she likes these chocolate rice cakes we recently bought. She asked my husband for one and he put it on her TV tray. By the time she got to the TV tray, our new puppy beat her to it. (MIL is very slow and puppy is lightning fast lol.) Yes, that's bad and yes, my little Lola got scolded, but it's not the end of the world right? We had plenty of rice cakes. Well, that sent her off into a tantrum about how we don't respect her, we respect the dogs more, how my husband ruined her life (by making her come live with us), and she went on and on about what all he/we do. Then she went to bed at about 5:00 and stayed in there until the next afternoon and during this time, she refuses food. Then when she's finished, she acts as if nothing ever happened, that she did not hurl a bunch of insults at us.
When she has these tantrums, she doesn't eat, and as a result, makes herself feel dizzy. Next thing my husband is in there, spoon feeding her something and babying her. One time she suckered me and I babied her too. I felt bad and after all, my logical side knows she's 95. Of course after the babying, she miraculously felt fine. Maybe she is jealous of our dogs because they do get a lot of love.
Well, it's starting to get to me! Like right now she and my husband are watching TV and she's acting like nothing happened. Just last night she was hurling insults at us and complaining. And just for the record, my husband has 4 sisters who do not help at all and she knows this. We have a nice house and she has her own room with a private bathroom. We always treat her with kindness and respect.
He thinks we should just let her have her tantrum and let her be. He doesn't even want to argue back or say anything - although out of anger, he did tell her to call one of her daughters to come pick her up if she was so miserable at our house, knowing that would never happen. It also hurts my feelings that she does this because we have tried very hard to make her happy and comfortable here.
I don't know what to do about all this. I'm finding that I don't really enjoy being around her. I would never, ever be mean to her, but I don't exactly want to sit down and watch TV with her either. Then I feel guilty!
She does not have alzheimer's or dementia. It's just the way she is. She is also a VERY big gossip and not only does she gossip, but she changes the "news" and repeats it wrong to other people. This of course gets everyone in the family upset. That's not an old age thing though, that's her personality.
Is this normal behavior from someone her age? I can see why none of her daughters want to deal with her, but the problem is the one person (her son) who has cared for her the last 25 years, she acts awful to him. (She came here from another country about 25 years ago and he has been the one to do everything for her in that time.) She is very unappreciative of everything. She's the type who doesn't like any gift you give her.
When she “acts like nothing happened” go with it. An episode is over, let it go. Her tantrums, like a child’s is a call for attention except she is an adult and communicates her discomfort by hurling insults.
when the puppy stole her snack, don’t chuckle or think it’s cute, it’s not to her. She needs to be center stage right now. And Penelope, she won’t be with us much longer… take a deep breath, find the patience and strength to do this… if just for your husband, we all know you got this!
love and light