My husband is using handheld urinals at home, as this is the best solution for his conditions. It ends up being neater, as it minimizes accidents. Since the urinals should be easily accessible, they are placed in the most used areas of the house. He is emptying them in the bathroom and thoroughly cleaning them each time. I like our arrangement when it's just the two of us, since there are few boundaries between us as spouses.
We have a strong disagreement when it comes to receiving visitors. I prefer that in those times we keep the urinals less visible, either in a corner, covered or in the bathroom. He sees that as an affront to himself and his condition, and insists I shouldn't be ashamed of him. I don't want him to feel less than, yet I still can't get myself to be ok with actual urine being in sight of our guests. If the urinal is not totally empty, there is little doubt what's in it.
The other aspect is that even though he started to use adult diapers at times, keeping the urinals out of sight could lead to even more embarrassing accidents if he cannot reach one easily.
Please help me understand if I am being overly sensitive. Do you have any advice how to handle this from a relationship perspective or a more practical way?
To me it's the same reasoning as not standing outside the bathroom door and having a chat while while someone is doing their business, some things are generally agreed upon as being private and toileting is definitely one of those things (I think someone receiving visitors in their bedroom is different because that is their private space).
I don't think you're being overly sensitive, but if your guests really can't find anything better to be scandalized or gossip about than well-maintained portable urinals they must lead blessedly sheltered lives.
I would draw the line at putting one on the dining table; and I have to state for the record that Best Practice (according to our continence care webinar last month) is to carry out all continence care tasks in the bathroom, right down to emptying catheter bags - I'm afraid there wasn't a single e-attendee who wasn't rolling eyes or cackling with laughter at this point, because if we told our clients they had to walk or be wheeled to the bathroom for this task when their soap opera's opening credits have just come on we would get very short shrift indeed.
I should play it by ear. If you have terribly fastidious people arriving, remind DH that although he is used to the urinals by now (and a very good thing too, be proud of him) they aren't and they might be a bit startled. And make sure he always has a small towel to drape over anything that needs draping over, too.
I think it would take something quite special to scandalize you after the tales you tell! 🤣
You don't say what conditions he suffers from in your profile. If dementia is at play, then that is a reason why your husband (DH) may be acting a bit 'odd' in this situation. If that's the case, then you may be best off going WITH his wishes rather than fighting him; stubbornness goes with the territory when dementia is present, so you'll need to learn how to pick your battles. Guests and relatives will need to understand his health issues when they come to visit.
If dementia is not a condition DH suffers from, then ask him why it's such a big deal to keep private bathroom matters private???
When my mother was incontinent and wearing adult briefs, the LAST thing she wanted was for the rest of the world to KNOW about it! On that line, maybe DH would prefer to wear a Depends when the guests are around? I'm not sure if that would eliminate the portable urinal situation entirely, but it may.
Good luck!