Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Correction - I meant to say, "you will have to adjust YOUR schedule"
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

First you have to decide if you want to lose on your eventual social security payouts or create a healthier wake/sleep cycle for yourself. Shift workers die sooner than people who work during the day and sleep at night because our bodies have circadian rhythms that are pretty much set. Since your husband is working full-time, if you quit to take care of his mother, you will be able to make a claim on his social security at age 66-67 and get half his earnings, and when he dies all of it. You do not say how old you both are, so it is difficult to answer this question. Know that your mother-in-law has a terminal illness, and dementia has a 7 - 12 yr. (average) life span. Yes, adult homes are expensive, but nursing facilities are more costly. Out of her social security, see how much you can spend to have someone care for her when you are not at home, and if she doesn't have enough money, you will have to adjust her schedule. Never leave a person with dementia home alone unless you can be assured they will be safe. Either install nanny cams to watch her when you are out, or someone to stay with her. She may get it into her head to go for a walk in the middle of the night when you are gone and get lost. The dementia mind is unpredictable...
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Being a caregiver is not always easy and there will always be conflicts with work and home. Contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Services to discuss options that are available for your mother. If there is a local adult medical day care she could go there during the day which may help. You and your husband will have to discuss the work schedule with your employer so that one of you is at home when mom is there. There are programs that she may qualify for including some that will help pay for assisted living. Caring for an elderly of disabled loved one is expensive whether it be in the home or in a facility. Sounds like you could use some caregiver relief, there is a national family caregiver program than can provide some services like respite. I'm a caregiver too so I know how demanding it can be. The staff at the AAA will be able to explain all the options in your state. Good luck and remember no matter how difficult it is, you are not alone-take some time for yourself even if it's 30 minutes.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I quit my full time job in 2011 to care for my dad with Cancer. My mother was by herself at home and she was facing a dying husband. I made the move to enable her to be with him as much as possible. In hindsight, I would have maintained my job because it is much harder to make your parents your soul focus.. You get burned out it is better to assess your financial situation and if you can work part time and care for your parent it is better or if you can afford to have someone come in to work with you in the home that is a healthier situation. It is also dependent on your health and the health of your loved one. If your loved one needs more help than you can provide it is worth it to try to move them into a facility now before they get worse there are ways to financially pay for it. Utilize your resources with Social Services for Seniors and weigh your options carefully.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

NO. My only suggestion is either have mom pay you under table or get lawyer to set up financial agreement but then you have to pay self employment and a lot of other hassles. If your in your 50's no one will hire you. I am single and dads long term will not pay me because im related and live in the same house. But then I can not get Medicaid or any help because dads income counts against me. Not to mention im in a republican state that did not extend Medicaid. No win when your a caregiver.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I would say that if its not in your mothers budget, see an elder attorney and get things set up for medicaid to pay. I can't say either way about the job quitting but I know myself that I would not be able to financially to quit my job at this time. and like the others have said, a big gap in your resume might hurt your chances at another job. unless you want to get into the caregiving career and then you might be able to find something.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Giving up your job has forever consequences. Parents are always going downhill and not up hill. Don't do it. I did it for my parents. (who are still sick). Then out of the blue my husband came down with pancreatic cancer at 64 and now I had to back off my parents and turn attention toward him. My parents are not even being nice now. They both have dementia. If you can PLEASE keep your job!! My prays are with you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

It is far from easy with what you're experiencing. We tried it for 5 years and it got increasingly worse to the point where we now have my dad in a NH. We were wiped out both physically and emotionally.

My cousin gave up her very nice job to take care of her mom and after she passed, my cousin never got anything close to what she had in the workplace again. Think very carefully before you make those drastic changes.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

One of the biggest issues we face if we quit jobs is that when it comes to Social Security we lose big time. If we can quit for a year or two and still keep up our skills, then maybe it will be okay. But many of us have care responsibilities that last many years or even decades. Then, when we try to go back to work because we need the money and can no longer stay home as a full-time caregiver we have gaps in our resumes (as was mentioned). Younger, cheaper employees have taken our places. And as I mentioned, our SS has taken a huge hit.

I think it's great to stay home and I don't regret the years I spent doing so but I can't say it was a "wise" decision. Practicality and our hearts can be at odds. This is just a very hard decision. Whatever choice a caregiver makes, I support it. Just try to think through all of the consequences so you go in with your eyes open.
Blessings,
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The best answer I can give is NO NO NO! Quitting your job is the last thing you want to do. You will be stuck there forever. Try to figure something else out but quitting should be a last resort.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I quit my job a year and a half ago to take care of my parents, and I haven't regretted it. However, I was originally planning on retirement right about now, but when I left my job I had no intentions of looking for full-time employment again. I also picked up some very enjoyable consulting work during that time that I plan to continue more or less indefinitely. I'm still on COBRA, and also collecting SS so with this and the consulting I have no need to touch my retirement portfolio. The bottom line is that one has to assess his/her own financial situation, and make a decision accordingly. There probably is no "one size fits all", but one must consider all the "what ifs" before quitting a job as it may essentially be an early retirement. Of course I realize many people don't have this freedom.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

If she could afford to pay you for caretaking then strangers, you could see a lawyer to make it a legal agreement written and signed by your mom and lawyer that way medicaid won't come back and want to know where the money went
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Dear please do not quit your job. I am single and did the same last year and had a tough time getting back into the workforce however with a huge salary cut.

The past year and a half has made me realize that the problems with aging are not going to go away, if anything our parents are going to be saddled with more health issues as time goes by. And moreover caregiving is extremely draining - my mother has anxiety issues due to vertigo and that anxiety and panic has rubbed off on me as well.

Hence my advise would be to keep your job or any kind of vocation instead of being couped up at home. Your mental well- being is important as well.

Take care and hope things work out for you...
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

No. Never quit your job. You will lose your own Social Security and health insurance.

In my family, my 95 yo mother outlived my sister. (Think of that sister as being you.) What is the plan, if you are no longer able to care for your mom? She will go to 24/7 care, right? Make that happen, now.

My mother is SO much better off at the NH, than she was at home. She has company, health care, balanced meals, baths, clothes. It seems a shame that some families struggle so, to keep a loved one at home.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

Please do NOT quit your jobs.... I am so glad I still have my career as it is my "sanity" and it is my "vacation" even though I am at the office. I am around other people besides my parents.... around people from all walks of life, there are always smiling faces and lot of laughter.

Please note with dementia, it doesn't get better, it doesn't stay the same, it will only get worse. Your Mom may start to wander, and go through all the other stages of dementia. You would then find yourself needing three Caregivers 8-hours each per day, including weekends and holidays. When it comes to that point, it is time to reflect that Mom now needs to be in a continuing care facility where she would be with Staff who are familiar with all the different stages and know exactly what to do.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

I meant...eyerlish IS RIGHT with her firsthand experience.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

In this day and age, quitting your job to care for a parent is no longer practical, if you are or could be in need of an income. I say this, because everyone needs an income, benefits, retirement savings to make it. We are living longer, likely don't "own" our own home outright, drugs and healthcare costs are higher and higher, and medicare and social security are not nearly enough to live on. One could find themself single and then you would have no one but yourself to depend on.

For these reasons, take care of YOU first. eyerlish isn't right with first hand experience. You will find others who come to find out they lost their home when loved one passed because they could no longer afford it on their own. No promise of estate to pass along from parent to child.

My point is, keep your job. Find mom care, if not in your home any longer because help is unreliable or too expensive -- then you will have to consider other options for mom such as NH or other care facility that will accept Medicare, group home for seniors subsidized, etc. Research online for ideas or visit your local senior center and speak with them about moms situation and finances and they can help you sort out options.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I quit a job to care for my dad and boy did I ever regret it. After my dad had passed away I had a big gap on my resume and potential employers weren't all that impressed that the gap was the result of caring for an elderly parent for years. I did do volunteer work while caring for my dad and I think that helped offset the damage done by having that gap on my resume.

Once my dad was gone I had a difficult time adjusting to the real world again. My social skills had suffered as well. I felt closed off and ultra sensitive and this made rejoining the work force harder on me. Going back to work was definitely a tough adjustment.

If you feel like you have to quit your job to care for your mom I would suggest that you keep one foot in the work force either by volunteering somewhere or just picking up 1 shift a week. It's very easy to leave the work force. Not so easy to get back in.
Helpful Answer (14)
Report

The prices you quoted sounded pretty normal. Some people hear them without batting an eye, but I have to be careful with my mother's money. I do want her to have some left if she needs NH care. It is easier to get into a good facility if you have private pay for a while.

I think the only time someone should quit their job to do caregiving is if they can afford to do it. Some people have secure marriages with spouses making a lot of money and a comfortable retirement account. These people may feel fine about quitting their jobs. The rest of us have to keep an eye out for our own security and retirement. So many people make an emotional decision to leave their job, instead of considering other options. Then they regret it on down the line when they have no money, no retirement, and very little SS to depend on. Strange that many of us would never consider doing to our parent what we do to ourselves.
Helpful Answer (10)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter