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Dear She, It sounds like his dementia is also including some paranoia and fears.
I suggest it is time to start getting things in order for a memory care or nursing home.
It may become too difficult for you to handle. My father had dementia, lived alone, and at Christmas came to a family Christmas Eve party with a machete strapped to his waist.
Finally in April we had to place him in a nursing home because none of us could get him to do anything-not bathe, not stop buying things, not pay his bills. He got moreand more delusional and paranoid, needed medication to reduce his fear and anxiety.
There are ways to protect some assets and still get Medicaid for long term care.
I hope you are able to get some things done as it only gets more bizarre and complicated. You have to take care of yourself too.
Hugs
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Trying to make a person cease nicotine is going to be practically impossible. It can be done, but the person must want to stop.
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My 85-year-old dad started coming in the house with a lit cigarette, which I absolutely will not abide, so I got him an e-cig - the brand name is Fin. It looks just like a real cigarette. He resisted it for a long time, but as his dementia progressed, and I took possession of the lighter, and he forgot a cigarette even has to BE lit, so then he finally started using it. It is fine outside or in. That thing has been a godsend for us.
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I haven't read through all the answers so don't know if this has been suggested and don't know if it is economically feasible. Nicotine gum might be a way to reduce the actual smoking. Last time I bought it the stuff was expensive but cigs are too. It will definitely curb the need to light up so often.
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Kris the Fin is a great idea, and there are a lot of them out there, many under $5. They come with some nicotine loaded in them,but once it runs out the "light" still works. Just having something that looks and feels like a cig works for many
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How old were his parents when they died? - if in 70's he is on borrowed time but if in 90's then he needs to maximize his time

Family history is so important - I went to university with a guy who said that no male in 5 generations had lived past 52 [all heart problems] - he wasn't going to do any  pension but was hoping to be shot in bed by a jealous husband - not the greatest long term profile - I always hoped that he would have a minor procedure & be proven wrong [given how medical progress has gone now a days ... because wouldn't that proven him wrong]
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to She1934 regarding enrolling your husband in Medicaid. You need to set up a consultation with a good Elder lawyer, that specializes in filing for Medicaid. I had my husband in a nursing home in AR and after meeting with the lawyer, was advised to move him over to a TX facility. The reason being, I stood a much better chance of getting full Medicaid coverage for him. That way I am allowed to keep the small income we have from Soc. Sec. and also no one but me can touch his retirement fund. We are still waiting for the results but lawyer has had very good results doing this and feels we have a 99% chance of getting the full coverage, but it take 45 days from the day of filing. In the meantime we found a nursing home that admitted him under "Medicaid pending" and that way we have to pay no fees. They will get the back pay once Medicaid kicks in. He is getting wonderful care and they have lots of activities and some field trips for those residents able to participate. The attorney will advise you on what papers, etc. you will need. The attorney fee is a bit pricey but worth every penny because they do all the leg work. We also had our choice of which TX facility to transfer him to. Hope this helps, as I know how you feel trying to redirect attention to something other than what hubby wants. Thank the Lord my husband quit smoking in 1985 after years and years of smoking 3 plus packs a day. Your being able to obtain the Medicaid will depend on your assets, income, etc. Good luck and saying prayers for you.
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I would never live with a smoker. If it's not the cigarettes they will obsess over something else. You have to put your own health and safety first.
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Nicotine lozenges worked for my mom. Yes, she's been on them for 8 years now, but she's 86 and its better than smoking. When she tells me she doesn't miss smoking at all as she pops the nicotine mint, I just smile and agree that it is great. Considering that she started smoking when she was 14 it actually is.
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I can't recommend the smoking, but some of the medical programs on dementia I've listened to/watched said that, in the later stages of some dementias, a) sweet was sometimes all that the patient could taste, and b) getting calories of any sort into the patient becomes more difficult.
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No Advice in this post, I just wanted to let you all know that my husband passed away in the hospital at 9:45 last night. He was rushed there on Weds. morning after the nursing home nurses found him unresponsive. He slowly began slipping away from us from that point on. Although I am heartbroken, I can rest assured that he is with our Heavenly Father and I will join him one day. Thanks to all of you for your friendship and advice. God Bless you and I pray that each of you can find the answer to your problems being a caregiver to a loved one.
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I think there are compromises to be maid there are some very good sugar free cookies and brownies ..candies. ( or no sugar added stuff) Almost all diabetics cheat to some degree. As for the smoking .. Id still try to limit it
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jeannegibbs Jun 2018
Indeed, baskethill1, there are some really good sugar free cookies and brownies and candies. But none of them are better for people with diabetes. The marketers are hoping to appeal to folks who still think "sugar" is the only villain, even though the American Diabetes Association dropped that theory in 1994, on the basis of newer research.

When I was first diagnosed, I picked up a sugar free candy and the same brand's regular candy, and took them to my next session with a certified diabetes educator. I asked which would be better for me. She read the labels and laughed. Well, the sugar-free is more expensive so maybe that would encourage you to eat less. But the sweetner in the sugar-free gives many people diarrhea. She said she'd pick the regular one, but limit how many to eat.

Planning some treats into one's diet is not "cheating." It is making intelligent choices.
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Stitchintime9, I am very sorry to hear of your loss. But your attitude and way of thinking are correct. Thank you for letting us know. I pray for strength for you through the grieving process.
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Stitch- I am sorry, I couldn't say more than Teri already did.
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I would take seriously the doctor's advice, since he is a doctor. If the person was much younger, then altering behavior would be of value. At this point lifestyle changes are not making much of a difference. This is an adult, so it is not your responsibility to monitor or change their behavior. How would you react if I told you that you can't have that candy. You are allowed to make bad choices. I know it's hard to see someone you care about make negative choices, but they have the right. Please relax and take care of yourself and put that ice cream down!
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stitchintime9: I am so sorry for your loss and I am sending you deepest condolences. I am wrapping my arms ((( ))) around you from afar.



John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.
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I’m sorry for your loss Stitchintime but I’m glad you know you did all you could for him. Love doesn’t come any stronger than that.
Charlotte
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