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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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She refuse to let me company. No one is welcome male or female everyone is just using me that is what she think by the way I work full time and pay all the bills except one and I plan to get married and she hate him.
The other day I was pushing my mother around the grocery store and she started ranting about how useless my husband is. After my efforts to get her talking about something else failed, I finally just wheeled her toward the door and told her we would wait in the car till my husband and son finished their shopping... and by the way, put back those peanuts because I know you didn't bring your purse with you. You know, come to think of it, she hasn't had a bad word to say about my husband since then. :o) I've found that if you quit listening to the negative and don't argue, my mother can be pleasant to have around. If I get defensive she just argues more. If I leave when she starts and come back later we can have a better conversation about something else. Maybe that will work for you. Also, when she starts talking bad about my husband (who is really good to her!), I remind her that he is my husband and I love him and I am not kicking him out, nor am I leaving him, so we will all just have to get along because this is how it is. I also remind her that I love her and am not kicking her out either. We're all in this together. That is, till I have enough and run off to Mexico with the pool boy. Have to get a pool first, though.
Your mom is trying to control you and doesn't want anyone else in the picture, because that lessens HER control. Stand your ground now and set good boundaries with your mom, or you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain.
Marry him if he's a good choice, but not if he's just a choice to get away from mom. What will you do when you get married? I hope she's not going to live with you, if she hates your new husband. That's a recipe for one bad environment.
How in the world did you find the time to date anyone to marry? Good for you and she is being so selfish that you need to get away from her. Hopefully you intended husband-to-be can improve your situation. Congratulations and wish your mother well, but get away from her toxic personality!
Please do get married. I am in the same boat and learned that whether I do what she wants or don't do what she wants she doesn't approve, is critical and nasty...so you might as well help to ease your own burden by trying to keep those close to you who matter and who support you. Sending warmth and hugs...I am desperate for some of that myself today
Unfortunately, there's one more thing to give up and that is any expectation of being appreciated. Has your mother always been unpleasant? If not, perhaps her doctor could prescribe something to take the edge off her nastiness. Otherwise, get away from her and leave her to people who know how to handle her behavior without getting emotionally involved. Good luck and God bless.
The last two years of my Mom's life were very difficult for me and sound so similar to what you wrote. The thing is that her little comments were here and there... I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until over time, it just became overwhelming.
Fortunately, I have a loving man in my life who lost his mom at age 9. He was so encouraging to me to spend as much time as possible with my mom and he would laugh with me at the outrageous nasty things she did. She was mostly always negative and nasty about him too.
Now she's gone and when I saw your post, you reminded me of the reality of caring for my own mom. My blessings go out to you. It's a huge challenge. Keep people around you who are supportive, understand and help. Take care of yourself. Take time for you!
Just want you to know... I can relate. At the end of time you will have the kindnesses you shared with her and the good people around you.
Now I'm going to go practice being positive too, so I won't be that way to my kids. It's a challenge because they keep pointing out to me how I'm not so positive myself.
I'm shocked... but I think they may be right. It's so easy to be crabby sometimes.
Your mother is afraid that you getting married will take attention and time you have cared for her away and that you will focus all of your time on your new husband. She sounds like she feels threatened and and afraid she will be alone and maybe have to go to a nursing home? Unless you plan to take care of her after you are married. God Bless you and I hope you find a solution to your situation. Mom sounds jealous of any relationship you have and that is not a good place for you to be at.
I know how you feel. My Mother never wanted me she only wanted my younger siblings. As a matter of fact she has told me several times " isn't this a funny thing the ones I wanted don't want me. But the one I didn't want is taking care of me." The only thing you can do is take control of your own life and be the one to take charge if you are her only means of physical support be it medical of monetary she needs to understand that you are no longer a child of under 18 and she has to appreciate the things you do for her and your life is just as important as hers. You do not owe her anything! You are taking care of her out of the kindness of your heart and doing this has made you the way I was. Your heart is not there for the breaking.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I've found that if you quit listening to the negative and don't argue, my mother can be pleasant to have around. If I get defensive she just argues more. If I leave when she starts and come back later we can have a better conversation about something else.
Maybe that will work for you. Also, when she starts talking bad about my husband (who is really good to her!), I remind her that he is my husband and I love him and I am not kicking him out, nor am I leaving him, so we will all just have to get along because this is how it is. I also remind her that I love her and am not kicking her out either. We're all in this together. That is, till I have enough and run off to Mexico with the pool boy. Have to get a pool first, though.
Marry him if he's a good choice, but not if he's just a choice to get away from mom. What will you do when you get married? I hope she's not going to live with you, if she hates your new husband. That's a recipe for one bad environment.
Fortunately, I have a loving man in my life who lost his mom at age 9. He was so encouraging to me to spend as much time as possible with my mom and he would laugh with me at the outrageous nasty things she did. She was mostly always negative and nasty about him too.
Now she's gone and when I saw your post, you reminded me of the reality of caring for my own mom. My blessings go out to you. It's a huge challenge. Keep people around you who are supportive, understand and help. Take care of yourself. Take time for you!
Just want you to know... I can relate. At the end of time you will have the kindnesses you shared with her and the good people around you.
Now I'm going to go practice being positive too, so I won't be that way to my kids. It's a challenge because they keep pointing out to me how I'm not so positive myself.
I'm shocked... but I think they may be right. It's so easy to be crabby sometimes.
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