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I feel your pain, I have the same issue. My Step MIL is rude to everyone and has nothing nice to say to anyone. I would love to place her, but I am afraid of she lashing out and saying we abused her. Which we have evidence from aides that that isn't true. Just don't want to go through that battle.
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Patathome01 Mar 2023
Then call the police. Do not put up with her crap!
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You are kind and caring people. You put up with dangerous behavior until it got to the point you feel your safety is threatened. You are not terrible. A terrible person would not to care where their family member was placed. You do.
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You are not bad people. Why ever would you even think it? You and your husband gave it your best shot with your MIL.
She needs a higher level of care than you and your husband can provide in your home. So she has to be placed in facility care.
How does this make either of you bad people?
It doesn't.
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Dianne38 Mar 2023
Absolutely:) Fir some reason tho, most of us caregivers experience so much guilt. I'm not even sure why. I certainly did. Always wondering if I gave it my all orr was I good enough with her care, when she was home.
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Her doctor has to prescribe medication to calm down her agitation. Seroquel usually for this. Anywhere she goes, she’s going to have to be medicated for the agitation. Hugs 🤗
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Why would you ever think you were bad people? You gave it your best effort.

Many others would have moved her to managed care a long time ago. This last episode "felt" different because it was "different".

It is time for your family and her, to move to the next chapter in her life. Go forward to the next chapter with open arms and a fresh outlook and no regrets. You did your best in the previous chapter. Now it is time to do your best in this chapter.
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If you are considering nursing home not clear what alternatives you are proposing.
For myself been doing this for 15 years,. Retired by need could not retain a remote job. Too much interference from mom.

mom needed or wanted one on one companionship. Her friends and relatives have long passed. I and my sister were the two remaining relatives.

Found as time passed mom got belligerent on days. figured out some actions were due to UTIs trouble with UTI is she is not able to take most antibiotics with seniors UTIs are chronic, have the doctor check perhaps medication may help.

other "actions" were shear nastiness. those you deal with one day at a time. when you reach your limit nursing homes are a viable alternative. you did your best for a long time.
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Absolutely not!! I have been in your shoes, well without the aggression part. My mother's safety became my issue. I'd still have her home with me, if it wasn't for the safety. But, I gave up so much of my own life and even after having her in a facility for almost two years now I am still struggling to put my own life back together. We become so used to our roles that I went thru a grieving process. It is a type of loss. On the positive note, she is safely being cared for and I don't have to worry for her safety. If you have come to your limit with the role, then by all means, don't feel guilty for doing the right thing. She will adjust I promise. Then you can begin to move on. Prayers and best wishes! This site helped me so many years that I still visit to help others who were in my position. The earlier you call and get the process going, the better. It took two months to get my mother into a place, all dependent on insurance of course. Keep us updated:)
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