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Try to get her room as set up for her as possible, but do not attempt to talk to her about the move. She will forget. And she will not want to go. Have your brother help you on the day you move her in. Stay a while. She will be very confused at first, but will adjust and be fine. Mostly you have to be very strong on moving day. I retained my mom's home care lady for four days and she and I were there with my mom most of those four days. It helped her I'm sure, but they might tell you to
not visit for a few days while she adjusts. It depends on the person I suppose.

Do they know about the incontinence at the assisted living? Some places will want the residents with this issue to be able to change themselves. Do they offer memory care?
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MTL1974 May 2019
Good day,
Thank you for your reply. I am trying to be strong and just focusing on the future with my mother being safely at the new residence and healthy and hopefully happy. I don’t know if the residence knows about the morning incontinence as it was my brother who was discussing with the resident care advisor about our mother and her test results from the residence’s tests. I will mention it when I go on Monday to fill out more paperwork.
Thank you for your help. I will inquire with the residence what they have seen works the best for their clients.
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I would visit her quite a bit after she moves in. She is going to feel lonely and I think visiting her, along encouraging her to take part in the activities, would help her out some. She will probably not be happy with you for a while (Because you put her there) but still visit as much as you can. It will help her deal with the new environment. I hope things work out the best for you both.
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MTL1974 May 2019
Thank you for your advice. I have taken a few weeks off of work to help move her, set up her new “suite” and hope to visit her daily for awhile. With any luck she will adjust and realize not only is the best for her but that she has not been abandoned by me or my brother. Thank you again.
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Telling dementia patients about what is going to happen in advance is NOT a kindness. It causes agitation.

Has mom's doc given her any meds for agitation, or at least to ease the transition? If not, please ASK for some.
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MTL1974 May 2019
Thank you for your answer. It is hard to change the way of viewing someone. To change from seeing her as my mom to seeing her as my mom and someone with Dementia. I will not let her know in advance. Fingers are crossed that it all goes smoothly. She is such a sweet loving person, the idea of her being upset breaks my heart.
Thank you again for your help.
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I think your feelings of stressed, worried and guilty are all appropriate and normal. And horrible.

I would not tell her in advance. Why bother? It will just prolong that stage which I assume is going to be negative.

Maybe try to have something fun and/or comforting for her to have/use/eat when you get to her new place?

I wish I had helpful advice for you but I wish you the best of luck.
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MTL1974 May 2019
Thank you for your reply. It is a good idea to have something comforting for her. I am planning on setting up her room with most of her current bedroom furniture and photos etc in hopes that she will feel more “at home”. I appreciate the nice wishes.
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