Follow
Share

My 80 year old father had his license suspended, yet he insists on driving. I wonder if it’s the dementia talking being unable to reason well? or just plain fear of no longer being able to drive? I know when we were young if we tried to drive without a license he would have punished us till no end. I’m thinking I need to take his keys in case he forgets. A friend of his who still drives recently had his vehicle totaled (not his fault). I wonder if there’s a way my father can let him drive his vehicle, then he can pick him up sometimes too? But not sure if he would have to put his name on the car. Maybe I better call his insurance company.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

9 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
You need to come up with some form of transportation for him. It’s not easy. But you MUST end the driving.

You don’t have to pull the battery or flatten the tires. Just pull the starter relay, it’s under the hood in the fuse box. Later you can plug it back in to drive the car away.

Ther are two ways to deal with dad: Depending on his level of dementia you can fib that the car is broken, has been towed to the dealer etc. This worked for me for a bit with my dad. Or, confront him head on, take no prisoners. I suggest option number 1 if possible.

In any event the car needs to go away. My dad drove me nuts trying to get his car started until I got it moved and then sold.

Remember, old folks have been driving for years and years. This is long term memory. It takes a long time for them to get over losing the car. My dad went into assisted living finally, now in memory care, but he looked for his car every day for months.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Thank you for the tips. Yes my father was recently diagnosed with dementia. I’m still trying to figure this dementia out. Sometimes he seems himself as if nothing was wrong, and makes intelligent comments. At other times he seems confused or doesn’t understand at all what I’m saying. Almost as if he had split personalities. I’m guessing that’s all normal. I’ll have to check out YouTube videos. Thanks again
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
It’s both dementia and his pride. They will repeat such things regularly. Don’t call his insurance company because a some states require a minimum of liability coverage on a registered vehicle even if it’s never driven in the future. You're asking for a potential headache if the insurance is cancelled before you get a POA. I suggest you flatten a tire or disconnect / remove the battery from the vehicle and let him keep his keys. My 81 yr old dad hasn’t driven in 2 years but still hangs his keys on his leather belt loop every day. He sits in the powerless truck on occasions, listening to a portable radio. It’s a great way to help calm him. If the battery trick doesn’t work, write a letter to his doctor explaining the situation and request that he instruct your Dad to stop driving. Don’t expect a direct reply from the doctor due to HIPAA but your Dad might listen. Remember, there is a prideful man inside that confused mind. Check out a few podcasts or YouTube videos for topics on Caring for Dementia patients. They are a great help. Best of luck to you,
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Is your father diagnosed with Dementia?
Why was your father's license suspended?
Are you POA or guardian in any way of your father, and does he live with you.
My own brother learned the hard way with an awful crash of his car that nearly killed him, and totaled his truck, but did not, luckily injure anyone else. He admitted that he had signs "something was wrong" and indeed it is. While diagnosed with a benign brain tumor pressing on his medulla and ruining balance and spacial perceptions, and a possible early onset of Lewy's according to his symptoms, my brother is fully cognizant that he can no longer drive, not easy in the area in which he lives.
I don't know, without guardianship, that there is a lot you can do other than reporting to police when your father IS driving without a license. Enough pickups, perhaps taken off to jail, may make an impression, though if you are dealing with Alzheimer's you may need to be or have appointed a guardian to address this issue and others that will come up.
What does your father say when you discuss with him the fact he is attempting to drive without a license?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Do you have durable POA? If yes, tell him you have to take his car in for an oil change and, instead of doing that, take it to a reputable used car dealer and sell it. Use the proceeds to pay for alternative transportation for him. If he asks where his car is, tell him it's getting an oil change/at the mechanic/being repaired/getting new tires/being inspected.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
And you think your fathers friend won’t just let him drive the car when he comes to get him? This is a bad bad idea. Please rethink it.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Agree with both comments: start by removing all sets of keys. Pretend they are "lost" if he searches. Then at an opportune moment when he is not aware, remove the car from his premises and do not return it. Plan to sell it. If he wonders where the car went, tell him it's "in the shop". Or, if you can't pull this off, remove the battery or disable it in another way. In the meantime, look for ways to replace his rides with safe options and make sure all his friends know they are NOT to lend him their car! My uncle killed his own wife while driving when he shouldn't have been. He went through a stop sign. She had survived cancer and a rare heart condition. Killed his dog too. You dad's anger is nothing compared to what could happen. Please get control of this situation asap.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Leaving the keys with him is like handing him a loaded gun and for his friend, you do not know if a bad decision on his part caused the accident to happen.

Take the keys away, sell the car and forget about it.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report
Just totally recipes for disaster. Are you clear about what really caused the friends totalling of car? A car can easily become a lethal weapon with a certain person behind the wheel. I realize it is hard to give this up but there comes a time when that may be necessary. The world outside the realm of your father's area does not deserve what might easily ensue with him being the wheel. Certainly elderly individuals do not see it that way as they are no longer able to make lucid decisions. Not only is safety a priority but there is the added possibility of potential lawsuits which at the very least would hopefully not involve fatal ones. I believe it would be in the best interest to no longer have the car at his disposal. I speak from experience having gone through what started to happen with my late MIL. If possible I think your father's car should be disabled to begin with. There often is not rational reasoning with the elderly. It is up to those near them to take that on as frustrating as it may be. If this proves to be difficult I would contact the insurance companies. Good luck with what I know is not an easy undertaking but much easier prior to a calamitous event.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter