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Not going to be a popular answer, but everyone voting for mom to take a job: What do you think the actual prospects for employment for a 69-year old are? While it's possible she can find a job, it's also as likely that she may not find a job. How long do you think her good health will hold out? For 10 years? 20 years? It's unfortunate that she lost her job during Covid, but that's no one's fault. I know that there is thought on this board that we're not responsible for parents, but on a humane level, what about planning with her for a future? Her life has been turned upside down. She had to move, her spouse died, she lost her job and now as she turns "older" she's losing the roof over her head. While I don't believe that mom moving in with you is the way to go, there has to be a way to work on making her feel less "abandoned."
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NYDaughterInLaw Jan 2023
Yes, the prospects for a 69-year-old in the job market are extremely limited. For the last few years, as the economic downturn gained steam, I saw lots of old people working at my grocery store as cashiers. One old man is barely able to do the job but I will go on his line knowing that he needs to feel valued. Sometimes he has a bagger and, when he doesn't, I bag my own groceries because he can't do both like seasoned cashiers. I wonder what happened to him financially that brought him back into the workplace at his age (80-ish).
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I feel your pain on dealing with our mom's being upset when we make decisions that are good for our future but make big changes in their world. My mom is adjusting to assisted living but is NOT happy about it. So, your mom is going to be upset. BUT you are doing what you need to do for your future and your retirement. Sorry mom but that's the way it's going to be.

Just curious - where are you moving? Locally or far away?

I agree with others that if mom has limited resources, she should go into government assisted over 55 housing. My MIL was in such an apartment and her only income was her meager SS check so she only paid $200/month in rent cuz that was literally all she could afford.

Not sure why you're waiting a year to put the house on the market? I'd pull the band-aid off and get her move sooner rather than later. Do some leg work and look at a couple of the apartments that could be feasible for her, take her to look at the top 2 and get her on the waiting list.

Good luck.
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Your mother enjoyed living a nice lifestyle because of the reduced rent you've charged her for the house. You can sell the property and don't owe her anything.
She's a senior brat and is really acting like one. As I see it, she has two choices:

1) Go back to work and buy the house herself (which would probably be a mistake at her age).

Or

2) Don't go back to work and move to a nice, affordable senior condo community. Enjoy retirement in good health. Maybe work a few easy care gigs paying in cash and take up a hobby with the money earned. Or join a 'silver' senior travel group. Go to Paris. Eat nice food. Drink good wine. Enjoy beautiful artwork.

Your mother is 69 years old, very healthy, and is retired.
The world is her oyster. She should be enjoying it, instead of spiting you with her co-dependent and gaslighting nonsense.
Her problems are not your responsibility. She is the cause of them, not you. At some point she is going to have to find a new place to live. Don't let it be with you. DO NOT move her in with you because you'll regret it.
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Have her look for section 202 housing. Thee are a lot of nice places. (and some "just ok" ones so you kinda need to visit them - "just ok" might have the benfit of things in walking distance etc so best to look around). My mom sold her house to a sibling but stayed in it, regrets that now cause yeah, he sold it... It's like okay now years later we're all over that, but you're going to end up dealing with this one way or another while its happening. After that she rented a place and money was super-tight, then went to sec202. You need to apply now and there can be waiting lists for them. But once you're in one, you'll have neighbors inyour age range, sometimes they have small shops or whatever around, the rent scales based on expenses so if mom has a bad medical year one year where she has to pay out a lot of co-pays they will scale the rest for the next year etc to not pauper her. Also they organize stuff for ppl. Eventually it gets hard to keep track of yourself and they can help (witin the limits of "independent living" and some places will give a lot of asistance to keep ppl as independent as posible).

Also try to appeal to mom's helper side. Section 202 housing is full of a lot of ppl who can use a hand up. my mom dcid respite care during her pre-retirement life, and continued doing that sort of thing for neighbors into independent living housing. She would cook for ppl who were having serious health issues and had no close family that assisted, she'd keep an eye on people (she directly saved at least two people's lives), etc.

She might also be expecting back what she gives out. Shje needs "help" now and you're not giving it in her eyes which would make you seem uncaring. But she might not realize what she's currently asking is too much for your family to bear.

These situations are usually kind of rough. Good luck.
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Mj,

The problem here may be is there is a written rental agreement. She did tell Mom a year ago she needed to find a place to live. Its one thing if the person is buying the property as a rental, then yes they have to honor the lease in place. But if buying to live in it? maybe a different scenario. I would not buy a home with a renter in it. There is no guarantee the renter will move out when the lease is up.

Maybe that is what OP will need to do, give Mom written notice that the house is being sold and she has a certain number of days to vacate. A house will sell better when no one is living there. If no lease, its usually 30 day notice, I think.
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I think you need to do the looking for another place for her. There must be low income housing where u live. Check them out. In my area HUD offers apartments and the rent is on scale. So if her SS is $1000 a month, her rent is about $300. She can try for Medicaid Health as her suppliment. In my State it covers medical, prescriptions, dental and vision. My Mom was under a State prescription plan. There's food stamps if she qualifies.

So, if you charge her, then you are responsible for the taxes and upkeep? Right there is a good reason to sell, her rent is not covering your out of pocket. Your actually supporting her. Mom has to realize that it won't be long that you will be looking at retirement and Medicare. As middle aged people, you need to seriously look at your retirement. You need to put away as much as possible because of inflation.

I just ran into a friend whose Mom is going to be 90. She just stopped working and hates it.
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So your mother and stepfather lived somewhere else, she was working, he became ill, you bought a house nearer you and they moved into it so that she could continue to work while you looked after him (???), and they paid you an agreed amount of rent. When? How long has she lived in this house? When did he die?

What was her job?
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Give her two options --

You're selling the house no matter what, so she can

1. Sign a lease at market rent that the new owner will have to honor (and she will, too), so she can stay in the house until the lease runs out, or

2. Move

It's always helpful to give people choices, so they feel more in control of their destiny.
(It also works with toddlers and keeps their tantrums to a minimum, too!😉)
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Your mom is young and healthy and more than capable of moving forward in her life in what ever way she sees fit. I'm guessing that because she is 69 though that she like a lot of us as we age, doesn't like change, as it can be quite scary. And that's what you're seeing in her reactions to what is going on.
But in reality change is always good and is a constant in all of our lives, whether we like it or not.
So keep on with your plans of selling the house and DO NOT under any circumstances allow her to move in with you. You will certainly live to regret it if you do.
Your mom will be just fine once she gets used to the new changes in her life, so continue to stand your ground.
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