My father (80) has dementia and let a 25-year-old gold digger move in with him. What should I do?

I am just horrified that this is so common, Found out my dad who is 80 yrs. old has done Car accident Insurance Fraud for a Pole Dancer at Popes Bar in Palm Springs, and now is doing Fraud with Immigration for the Second Time for the second pole dancer at Popes Bar in Palm Springs. First one was Russian and now this one is a Illegal Immigrant from Monterey Mexico!!! Do I call INS??? Signed worried Cheye

Cheyenne, it is good you are taking these stories to heart. Yes, do anything at all in your power to stop this, realizing that if Dad is legally competent and determined to do these things, you may not be able to, and he could well be prosecuted if he knows what he is doing. There are a lot of sad stories on here. Even King Solomon's story did not end so well though...this is "nothing new under the sun." Do what you can.

it's not illegal for him to date even a gold digger. unless you can prove he's mentally incompetent

I have an 80yo dad with cancer,i have been his livein caregiver 5 years.He met a lady who is 80 online and now she says she is his caregiver.She has taken over his meds,finances and more.She is very controlling and wont leave his side.i still live here and now my dad says I am not his caregiver.They are not married and I am wondering what rights I have.My dad has cancer is very stubborn and independent and I want to make sure he is not taken advantage of by this girlfriend,who has pushed me aside and very verbally abusive to me.Does anyone have any advice? I truly believe my dad has diminished capacity but it has not been officially diagnosed.He has lots of confusion,cant pay his bills without help and many many other signs.When I try and talk to him he thinks I am trying to take his control,when the whole reason I moved into to care for him was so he could remain in his home the rest of his years.HELP,being pushed out by dads 80 yo disrespectful and controlling girlfriend

want2protectdad, see an attorney about getting guardianship for him. In the meantime, make peace with Dad before he asks you to leave.

I wonder about his mental stability - what does the doctor say? The siblings should get involved because if they don't, this gold digger will get ALL the money. This is a tough one. I saw this happen with an old friend years ago but I never found out how it all ended.

My dad is 97 and met a lady and she moved in with him and then 2 months later she removed money from his trust account, two months later she coached him to remove 150,000 from the bank account, she is from Mississippi and 25 years younger. She changed the trust and now the attorney gets a fee. I worked sooo hard and my dad liked me all my life and she fed him stories. My only suggestion is to find the massage lady "forging signatures" or something criminal - she might be too smart for this. - get it out of civil court since they have no teeth. I am suffering with the betrayal of my father. She and the attorney are smirking. Unless he is tested for dementia he can do what he wants according to the court.....absolutely horrible.
APS said he was happy......and did nothing.

Must be my dad..............he was always soo logical, but now there is no question that he will answer without asking her. She is a predator and 25 years younger. Why would he get married at 96. I am afraid that is what will happen to you - they will then be a "spouse" and this might just be the last tray for kissing the inheritance good by (the siblings are minor compared to this). There are community property states that are different and also if there is a trust. I am facing (yes emotionally and financially) her walking out the door with everything. My mother was a true partner and had some money, but that will be gone. The marriage was the last thing she did. Financially because I spent 15,000 on an attorney, but like the other folks mentioned, he is a good actor (despite the primary care doc referring him to a geriatric psychiatrist and giving him Aricept). He doesn't know the name of where he lives, he doesn't know one grandchild, but yet when interviewed he just mumbles that "he wants his lady friend). A true golddigger after only one month.................nothing I can do since the wellness people listened to him. The marriage part is your research in my opinion - does he have a trust, will, etc. It would be good to know in advance of probate because she will probably go for the whole bundle or skip to another country.
If there was forgery then it would roll to a criminal court which is much easier than the civil court.....Good luck. Oregib2017

Yes, definitely call ice right away and report the illegal. I would also go as far as telling them what else you also told us. Yes, yes, yes, call it in, call ice right away! It's those kinds of people who are draining our money from our economy and programs, taking all of our jobs, housing and other resources away from the rightful Americans who were born and raised here. If you ever wonder why you see homeless people around, specifically veterans among them, this is partly why and you can blame it on the illegals who don't even belong here nor do some of the immigrants out there who may also be taking advantage of us, so definitely report, report, report!

Now in dealing with your dad, I would start by having a very serious talk with him privately one-on-one. I would then have him evaluated for competency and if he's not competent, I would take over his financial matters through at very least a conservatorship. Besides calling your mobile APS, lock up the checkbooks, valuables and debit cards as well as all deeds and titles. Alert the bank and get a safety deposit box to put all of the vulnerable items in including a copy of his will and other important legal documents. I would do this anyway even if he is competent because you never know what this golddigger will do, it happens more often than we realize. She'll just clean him out and move on to the next unsuspecting victim, leaving the victims family to sort it all out after that victim dies and needs to open an estate and hire a lawyer. Another thing you want to do is monitor his bank account and if I were you I would just go digital and not let him carry cash, write checks money orders or any other form of paper. Just do all transactions online and swipe the plastic at the checkout. What I would do is have a savings account attached to this man's checking account and sweep all of his money into the savings and set him up where he can't overdraft. If the money is not there at the checkout when you swipe the plastic, the card will be declined until you add more money. I went digital years ago and I've got the hang of it and it's so much easier than carrying cash, writing checks or any other form of paper, just swipe and go and put only enough money on your card that you need for that particular trip, don't have no extra money on that card. Make it impossible for the gold digger to get anything from your dad. I can tell you from experience that no one's taking advantage of me because I already took steps to protect myself. No one can take advantage of me because I just don't leave no opportunities open, and the more loopholes you can close in your case, the closer you'll come to making it impossible for the gold digger to get anything, and she'll eventually move on. I don't know where this problem is, but if it's in Ohio, specifically with in Lorain County,  I don't know where this problem is, but if it's in Ohio, specifically with in Lorain County, be very wary. There is a lady in that area who has been seen as a person of interest in a possible elder fraud matter and has also been in trouble for past taxes and lost property over it. If the problem happens to be in this particular area, go to the local authorities right away and report the matter to the APS at very least. Elder financial abuse is more common than we realize and it's up to us to be able to spot it, recognize it and stop it. It's up to us to watch over our elders just like we would our children because many times elders minds become as children, making them vulnerable to vultures. In a matter of days, our town will be starting a new group to encourage our town to become more like an actual community.  It's very similar to a neighborhood watch program but better because people with resources network with other people to bring help where it's really needed and we will be encouraged to watch over each other. Our group will be called the voices network which will start in a church backed by the pastor. You may do this and your area, we need groups like this so that we can not only watch out for each other but also reach out and help those who most need it. Networking will encourage people to pull together and watch out for each other. Having no social life, network, or other protections puts the most vulnerable in a position of opportunity to be taken advantage of, and it's usually people who are alone for most vulnerable, especially if they're elderly or disabled. The best way to stamp out elder abuse is to pull together as a community so that way, we can all watch out for each other. The final thing to remember is there is power in numbers, so the more people watching out for everyone the better

Oh I am sooo sorry.........My dad at age 96 did the same thing. She moved in, she talked dad into changing two bank accounts, she walked in with him to withdraw 150,000 "in cash" and all he could say was "I want my bonnie".......so horrible. He was scheduled for a mental capacity check and his attorney and the sweetheart cancelled it......I cry and even though my mom is dead I ask her for forgiveness that I could not "protect my dad". The other siblings wont get much if she continues to do her thing. Truly a sweetheart swindle (good to google that word). I guess that guys have their mind between their legs "no matter what age"
In terms of an answer, see wheat you can do about moving out of civil into criminal.......they operate differently. A forensic accountant could help track the money. The paper trail is important and follow the money. Attorneys have specialties and this should be criminal, not just civil. The key is to prove that she is taking his money. I worked through an elder law attorney but that was not enough. The white collar crime division of your city police can help. I was able to get a photo of her telling day to withdraw 150,000. End result is that she ran off and married him......so basically she was more sneaker than I though.......Adult protection in your city is ok, but they are way too busy to care. Try to go criminal. Good luck....so sad. She could transfer the money anywhere - even out of the country and then there is no chance at all.....best of luck.....Oregon 2017

This same similar thing happened to my bio dad with Alzheimer's, a gold digger moved in with him, too! Since you have a better advantage than I did, you really need to do something like speak with an eldercare lawyer and put some protections in place to guard his money and assets since he has dementia. Had this been later that you found out after his death you would've had to contact your state bar association and get a lawyer who handles these types of cases and you would've had to have spent a little money to open an estate for your dad like I had to. I'm currently still dealing with the aftermath of the gold digger and we are now in the inventory part of the probate process as this is a very long process. A part of me wishes I would have known about my dad long before I did because I could have at very least done something to protect him but I didn't know until after his death. You have an advantage I didn't and you can certainly do something. It's OK if you don't have a whole lot of money, just make that known when you make that call to your state bar association, especially if you're on Social Security. They can direct you to a lawyer who works on contingency for low income people. The lawyer will guide you as necessary through the process or they may just take care of it for you, and call you as necessary. You're right to be concerned and you're talking to someone whose his dad was also victimized by a gold digger. Act now or you'll in the same predicament I'm in now and have to claw back that money from the gold digger like I'm having to do right now from my dad's situation. Your case is much stronger if you have a winnable case that can actually be proven. Gather all the records you possibly can when contacting even the APS to report the incident 

The Serenity Prayer is your best, least stressful option here. Just my opinion...and it's free!
~Cindy