When we contact the nursing home the stories never match. My mother is currently in a nursing home ( she cannot walk, cannot transfer herself to/from her wheel chair and is bowel and bladder incontinent) and often tells me and/or one of my siblings things that are happening at the facility that bother her . After she continues to complain about a situation for many days one of us contacts the facility and almost always the stories do not match. We do not normally see the issue when we are there ( one of us visits for 2-3 hours 5 of the 7 days a week) . Does anyone have any suggestions on how to tell who is right ? The staff claim she is just not remembering things correctly mom claims they are lying.
A record must be created. Report these incidents to the State, County and Municipality where the incidents occurred. Get specific names, if possible.
If you (or other relative) have to address your mom's complaints directly to the nurse... don't be shy. You are her advocate. With some nurses, I will take the resident's complaints to the nurse and they will just poo-poo it. But they jump and ask how high when family speaks up. Ask her how she's feeling today, ask her if anything hurts, Look her over for bruises and skin tears especially on the upper arms. Someone can easily knock a knee, forearm or hand into a door jam and bruise up. Upper arms are usually from staff getting a little too rough. Oh, and another good indicator of quality of care is check how clean their sheets are. Yup, peel back the bedspread and top sheet. Is it a bed you'd sleep in?
As many has mentioned, she may have a skewed sense of what is really going on because their brain is misinterpreting the information due to their medications. When the dr comes to the NH, they are in and out of there so dang fast it's hardly worth anything. It may be worth your time to make an appointment at her Primary's office, bring a list of all her medications and have him review them to make sure she is not being over medicated and that everything she is taking is appropriate for her. He can also check her for any cognitive decline... that's when they ask them what year it is, who is the president, what is 19 less than 100, repeat these 3 words then will ask them a few minutes later what those 3 words were. If you guys can verify that your mom is 100% all there, it narrows things down considerably. Could be a behavioral problem, some people just like to play the role of the poor victim and you know your mom well enough to know if this is something she has done all her life. I have one resident who is still sharp and always claims none of her daughter's have visited her since April. The truth of the matter is 2 of her daughters are there every Sunday like clockwork. If her boyfriend there has a stomachache, she suddenly has a stomachache. If he is constipated, so is she. She could have had her bed stripped overnight because she was incontinent, she'll say it hasn't been stripped in 2 months. Now if your mom is not like this, then yes I would take a hard look at the care she is receiving from the facility and maybe start looking into other facilities.
" party line" that is not always accurate. There are two truths here. Residents often complain to family and refuse to tell staff what is wrong. They feel vulnerable. My advice is to get to know the direct care givers and encourage them any way you can. Let them know that you want to help them to help your loved one. The higher up the administrative line you go, the less credible and helpful the information will be.
I sit with my father and other residents for hours sometimes and that helps figure out the real story. Also some of aids that are around a lot will often stop and talk with dad and I and dad will say "isn't that right?" and often they will have a more accurate version than my dad or the head nurse.
What your mom claims are all very valid and often true. Much of what the elderly say is ignored even in hospitals for serious stays. I have found that my dad will tell the wrong person like the girl filling the water each day, or the person who comes in to just check his blood sugar...... they don't pass on the information so he feels his comments were ignored.
The people in nursing homes and hospitals are so distracted and pulled here and there they forget so much.
I was appalled at my dad's last hospital stay and one of us kids had to stay there all the time just to make sure he had food. They bring the tray, leave it an hour, pick it up. No one knew if he was eating or not so we began staying all the time to feed him.
Same thing happened to my in-laws.
If you (family) are at the nursing home that often then I would think you'd see how often nurses visit her room and if they take notes of her complaints and needs. If they don't take notes... they are not accurately passing on the information.
YOU CAN also request all records on your mom if you are POA. It will show if they are noting your mom's requests or not.