I've been caring for my elderly father for at least 16 years now. I'm so extremely burnt out, tired, stressed & deeply depressed. I've reached out to my family for help dozens of times, when they finally decided to help me, my father sort of blow his top & ever since then I kind of feel that my family no longer wants to help me. I've even reached out to the VA (who my father has a doctor & nurse through), but since he (my father) can still make decisions for himself & think clearly, they (the VA) can not force my father to do anything that he doesn't want to do. My father absolutely does not want to go into a nursing home & he seems like he doesn't see the toll that taking care of him has taken out on me, even though I've told him countless times. I just feel like I can not take care of my father anymore, but considering that he can still make decisions for himself & completely refuses to go to a nursing home, what am I to do????????
Set a date when you will either move out or stop "helping".
Folks who are indendent can get on by themselves, yes?
Perhaps if you stop enabling his charade of independence, he will get the help he needs and not cost you your health, both physical and mental.
Then I'd say, OK dad, you're independent. Therefore take care of all this by yourself, Dad. Reassess after a couple of days.
This isn't heartless. This is what is expected of people who won't accept the resources out there if they and the law see themselves as completely independent people.